Twenty Five Questions

WHICH IS BETTER:

1. Lips Or Eyes : eyes. LOOOVE eyes!

2. Hugs Or Kisses: I'm a very huggy person but kisses all the way

3. Taller Or Shorter: shorter

4. Older Or Younger: younger definitely

5. Romantic Or Spontaneous : Spontaneously romantic

6. Nice Stomach Or Nice Arms: stomach. I know a flat stomach is hard for women to attain and I understand that, but it's oh-so sexy. A little paunch is cute too. :)

7. Sensitive Or Loud: sensitive. I don't like loud people but I do like someone with strong opinions even if I don't agree with them. Long as it's not forced on me.

8. Hook-up Or Relationship: in reality? relationship. Fantasy? hook-up

9. Trouble Maker Or Hesitant: trouble-maker. I tend to ask questions first then wonder if they were appropriate later. Fortunately it's hardly ever got me into trouble.


HAVE YOU EVER :


10. Kissed A Stranger: yes

11. Drank Hard Liquor: yes

12. Lost Glasses/Contacts: I’ve lost dozens of pairs of cheap sunglasses. The pair of expensive driving glasses I have were finally replaced after 24 years.

13. Kiss On First Date: yup, usually a peck on the cheek if anything

14. Broke Someone's Heart: yes, not intentionally

15. Broke Your Own Heart: I suppose, by falling for people who were unattainable

16. Been Arrested: no, could have been though.

17. Turned Someone Down: yes

18. Cried When Someone Died: almost always

19. Fallen For A Friend: haven't we all?
 
 
FIRSTS:


20. First Surgery: pretty minor (in-grown toenail, can't remember how old I was)

21. First Piercing: none

22. First Best Friend: Tutun Mookerjeah (probably didn't spell it right) from early early grade school

23. First Sport You Joined: T-ball. I also played soccer at school and took tennis lessons

24. First Vacation: Nova Scotia. Drove down with friends of the family (rednecks) in their full-size van with all the kids. It was hellish.

25.  Do You Have A Crush On Someone: yes a few. I'm married, not dead!

Secret Sunday

Okay everyone it's time for the 106th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Things I've Held Onto Forever

For something a little different I'm sharing a few things that I've held onto for a long time, usually for sentimental reasons. Let's start with the most recent and work backwards, shall we?

4 years- This is an old pair of track pants, and rather than throw them out I've used them for work around the house. They have countless colours from many painting projects. Most of the white is acrylic caulking from when I installed the crown moulding in our living room/dining room area. I think at one time in his life every guy has had some ratty piece of clothing that should have been tossed out long ago, and this is mine. Although in my defence it's still a solid piece of clothing if you can look past what's on it. Which after four years is pretty much impossible.

24 years- My Serengheti glasses. I've owned a lot of cheap pairs of shades in my life and they've come and gone, but these aviator-style driving glasses were $150 new when I bought them in 1988 and I always took care of them. They rarely even left the car. Then one day I couldn't find my safety glasses when I needed to use the weed eater on the lawn and I decided to just wear these. Bad call; when I took them off I realized they were pitted from all the fine dirt and gravel that got kicked up. This week I picked up a pair of Maui Jims and they're definitely only being worn when I'm driving.

35 years- Nail clippers from Ireland. When I was twelve my parents divorced, and during that time my dad took me to Ireland. I have lots of good memories of that trip but the only souvenir I still have are these clippers. They work as well as the day I got them, which means either they're really well made or I haven't clipped my nails as often as I should have!

45 years- My koala. I carried this little guy with me everywhere, all through my two-finger sucking phase and beyond. He's lost some of his stuffing but none of his meaning and I'll keep him for the rest of my life.

What have you held onto for years that you refuse to let go of?



Pharmageddon*

here

 


  This post will be biased, since I'm not a big fan of pharmaceuticals as treatment for mental disorders. I'm not in the field and have no formal training, so I can't speak with authority. But I'm still free to speak my opinion, and my opinions are these:

1) Drugs are being significantly over-prescribed, not only as a band-aid solution for some psychological issues but (primarily) because many psychiatrists and medical doctors are in bed with the pharmaceutical industry. Kick-backs are a great motivator to move high volumes of manufacturers' brands even when they're not always in the best interest of the patient

2) Many people are being mis-diagnosed unintentionally, or (too often) purposely in order to move more of these drugs and

3) I believe there are many natural alternatives to synthetic drugs that we never hear about because they don't support the pharmaecutical giants.


  I read an interesting article this past weekend in Vitality Magazine, written by a woman originally diagnosed with insomnia. I've reproduced it here without prior consent but with full acknowledgement of its origin....

An Open Letter To Doctors

  You call yourselves doctors. You once took an oath to do no harm.

  Originally, there were no pharmaceuticals in our house – not even an aspirin, but I became a drug addict when I was prescribed a benzodiazepine for insomnia.


  My insomnia started after I received a cluster of immunizations which I didn’t want, but took because I was told it would be irresponsible of me not to. I was around 40, recently married, and had a dozen young godchildren. One of the shots was rubella: the other two were combinations. They were all given at one time.


  Immediately after the vaccination, I became crippled with profound muscle weakness and severe ‘atypical’ inflammatory arthritis, some of my fingers became gnarled and I was in a wheelchair for a while. Over many years I was able to reverse most of the physical damage, but the insomnia persisted. Needless to say to say, I did not have children and henceforth in medical reporting I was referred to as ‘middle aged, short-haired, bespectacled, casually dressed, and childless.’


  Even though I had to change careers, I remained fully engaged in life, busier than most. I took very small amounts of the benzodiazepine intermittently for several years. I took it only for sleep and it seemed to help a little, but I was also becoming ‘anxious.’ At that time I did not recognize ‘anxiety’ as a possible adverse effect/reaction to the benzodiazepine, nor did I know about interdose interval withdrawal.


  When my mother died on Christmas Eve 2002, my sleep got worse and I was prescribed a higher dose of the benzodiazepine. My sleep deteriorated further and I became jittery, I tried to withdraw from the benzodiazepine. I was in trouble.


  You call yourselves doctors, but you didn’t recognize that not only had I been having adverse reactions to the benzodiazepine, I also had benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome. You decided I was depressed, and you gave me an antidepressant. When I became agitated and developed a tremor, you said I had agitated depression.


  You call yourselves doctors, but you didn’t recognize that I was having an adverse reaction to antidepressants. You gave me more antidepressants. When the agitation became so severe that I lost my sleep entirely, you said I had major depression and gave me even more antidepressants. You also gave me sleeping pills.


  You call yourselves doctors, but you didn’t recognize the adverse effects of benzodiazepines, plus antidepressants, plus sleeping pills. You said I had an adjustment disorder – but the only things I wasn’t adjusting to were your drugs.


  I frequently collapsed, sometimes on the street, and was twice taken by ambulance to Emergency where I was not treated with dignity. Not one of you recognized that one of the prescribed drugs was reducing my blood pressure precipitously.


  When I started twitching and shaking uncontrollably, you gave me more sleeping pills – to be taken three times a day. When I fell asleep during an appointment, you said I was ‘vegetatively depressed.’ When I was in constant motion, you said I was bipolar (manic depressive). You then settled on psychotic.


  You gave me antipsychotics. I started howling like a dog. I marched in place. My body movements became chaotic. My face twitched and my tongue darted in and out of my mouth. You call yourselves doctors, but you didn’t recognize the adverse effects of benzodiazepines, plus antidepressants, plus sleeping pills, plus antipsychotics.


  You call yourselves doctors, and you gave me 35 different psychiatric drugs in the space of eight months. You didn’t know what you were doing and you did it vigorously. You were treating the adverse effects of pharmacy and polypharmacy with more polypharmacy.**


  (When people ask me why I took all those drugs, I can answer only that I would have done anything, agreed to anything, ingested anything to stop the horrendous agitation – there are no words to describe the horror of that agitation. And at some point my brain became such a toxic mess that I was no longer capable of reason).


  You told me I had dementia. I was afraid I would kill myself, and I was afraid I wouldn’t kill myself. I wrote a living will and a Do Not Resuscitate directive. I gave away my belongings – especially those which had been most dear to me.


  You call yourselves doctors, and you said the benzodiazepines, antidepressants, sleeping pills and antipsychotics which you had prescribed weren’t working. You said I had a dissociative disorder. You cold-turkeyed me off many of the drugs, you ‘formed’ me, and you ordered electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). You wrote I was an “excellent candidate for ECT.” I refused ‘treatment’, but you coerced my husband into signing by telling him ECT was the last and only option.


  You held me for 10 weeks and treated me to 25 general anesthetics and 25 bilateral grand mal seizures. I don’t remember much except the assembly line of gurneys on ‘shock’ days. I shook from terror as I looked up at your cold matter-of-fact faces. I wondered if there would be anything left of my brain when you were finished with me. I thought I was going to die. I remember the stench of the rubber mask over my face, the IV going in and then, as the anesthetic hit, the plunge into merciful oblivion.


  And later I remember the blood in my mouth and the violent headaches. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know why I was there. I asked these questions of my husband after each ECT ‘treatment.’ My husband came to see me every day for two-and-a-half months and brought me a home-cooked meal each time. He came twice on ECT days.


  I did stop howling and my legs were no longer marching. I was now merely babbling, and shuffling my feet non-stop. My face quivered. You said I had benefited from ECT.


  You call yourselves doctors, but you didn’t consider I might have stopped howling and marching, and was now merely babbling, and shuffling my feet because you had withdrawn many of the benzodiazepines, antidepressants, and antipsychotics you had prescribed. You kept me on sleeping pills – three times a day, once at night. And you added new drugs.


  You said I would require weekly maintenance ECT for the rest of my life. You said I would require medication for the rest of my life. You told my husband I would not be coming home when you were finished with me. You told my husband to look for a long-term care facility for me. You call yourselves doctors, and you said you had done everything you could for me. You said you had made me ‘well’ and you closed my file.


  Here is my list of drugs from my medical and pharmacy records. Most of the drugs were prescribed by one psychiatrist: Ativan, Rivotril, Xanax, Clonazepam, Valium, Celexa, Novo-pranolol, Amitriptyline, Propranolol, Imovane, Effexor, Lithium Carbonate, Moclobemide (Man-erix), Seroquel, Wellbutrin, Nortriptyline, Perphenazine, Gabapentin, Ritalin, Gabapentin, Fluvoxamine, Oxycontin, Methoprazine (Nozinan), Paxil, Remeron, Zyprexa, Risperdal, Parnate, Haldol, Aventyl, Cogentin, Loxapine, Chlorpromazine (Largactil).


  A psychiatrist who was shown this list by a friend of mine asked: ‘Is she still alive?’ I had wanted to get into his practice, but the waiting list was very long.



  I've read some work by people like American psychiatrist Dr. Peter Breggin and Canadian biochemist/psychiatrist Abram Hoffer, both of whom have been very controversial advocates of drug-free treatment for patients. To counter this are countless psychiatrists who will argue in favour of medication. Do I think that all drugs are unnecessary, ineffective or harmful? No. I believe many have their place, but I also believe there are many natural solutions. The answer is in here somewhere, but more dangerous than any illness is a willingness to blindly believe whatever we're being told.






* Title of this post is taken from a book of the same name by Dr. David Healy.

** Polypharmacy means "many drugs" and refers to problems that can occur when a patient is taking more medications than are actually needed. It's most common in the elderly, not surprisingly.

Weekend Recap

In my last post I told you about our family gathering on Friday. Following that there were several things on the to-do list for the weekend.

Saturday after the party Sandy was feeling a little rough. Yeah, she had a good time! We had a late breakfast then went to Debbie's cafe for latte, followed by a few errands. When we got back Sandy went to work in the garden and I spent time working on the barbeque...

The "winter months" were pretty mild so over that time we had decided to barbeque a few meals. But whenever I put it on it wasn't getting hot enough. A few weekends ago I spend several hours taking apart the burner units and giving everything a good scrub and polish, then put it all back together. But I still wasn't getting enough heat. On Saturday I disconnected and cleaned a few fittings in the propane line, but when I started it up again it still didn't get hot enough. Disappointing. So Sandy ended up doing dinner in the oven. I'm not sure what's wrong with the damn thing, worse still it's a blow to the male ego since I pride myself on being able to fix just about anything around the house.

Barbeque=1, me=0.  For now. I puttered around the yard here and there then called it a day.

On Sunday I helped Sandy get our shed ready for Spring (she did most of it)...

(winter tires ready to go back in storage!)

I also decided I was going to repair a crack in the foundation of the house which had been there for, well, years...

I moved the concrete slabs that the rain barrel sits on...

...and began digging. (The shovel is resting on a limestone foundation that I poured a couple summers ago. Over time it can get almost as hard as concrete and I had to take a pick axe to it in spots).

As I dug further down it became apparent that the crack was longer than I had first thought. It turned out a piece was actually loose, so I gently removed it...

I cleaned both pieces and let them dry while we had lunch but when I went to get the repair kit that I bought last Fall it wasn't where I thought it was, which prompted me to make this face...

Not to fear, within a short time my lovely assistant Sandy found it...

This called for a happy dance...

I covered the face of both pieces with a waterproof sealer, then applied the epoxy filler along all edges of the cracks...

Note that I've braced the loose piece on either side with pieces of garden mulch, which as I understand it is what cavemen did when they repaired cracks in the foundation of their caves. (Okay that's probably total crap, but it could be true).

Last thing was the lawn mower, which needed a little work. I removed the blade and cleaned out all the grass which was caked inside it...

So there you go, another restful weekend! Alright maybe not so much, but it's all part of getting the property ready for Spring. For those of you not into this kind of thing I highly recommend a condo. :)

Family Get-Together

I was going to mention Easter in the title, but since we didn't specifically observe Easter I'll just call it a long weekend. On Friday we had a big get-together at my brother Steve and his wife Bobbi's new home. Both sides of the family were there and we all had a great time. Bobbi and her family are Guyanese, which in addition to him landing a great girl, was a big score for me because I love Guyanese people.

I lost count of how many of us there were. My mom and her husband came, Bobbi's mother was there with her guy as well as most of the family. Unfortunately my sister couldn't make it but there's always next time.

the happy couple

her brother Mahendra (my West Indian soul-brother) with his

daughter Nyla, one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

Sandy with Bobbi and her sister Peshani

the Easter bunny with Bobbi's mother Seeta

There was plenty of food...

potato balls

my brother barbequed chicken and his mother-in-law

made her famous chow-mein

salmon

we also had a 12th birthday celebration

After this the kids disappeared to the basement for the rest of the night to watch Avatar in 3D.

Sandy with Bobbi's brother Dharram

those ears made their way around. This is Peshani's husband Tim.

yes, we are related. With moves like this

is it any wonder we get along so well?

I didn't realize until the next day that after snapping so many photos I didn't get any with me in them. On the upside, when I heard Bobbi mention that she had bought two pairs of Louboutins I thought about all of you who love shoes, so I went with the girls into the room and set up a quick photo shoot...

Thanks to my family for making it such a great night!


Today I was out repairing some concrete on the house and doing other things around our property, which I'll post about later. How did you spend your weekend?

Secret Sunday

For those of you celebrating I hope you're having a great Easter weekend. We had an amazing get-together with family on Friday and will be out in the sunshine today, getting our gardens prepared for the flowers that are beginning to push through.

It's time for the 105th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Climbing for the Cause

                                                                     here


On Saturday April 21st, Sandy and I will be participating in the 22nd Annual CN Tower Climb for WWF (World Wildlife Fund). WWF is an international organization that works on conservation, research and restoration of the environment. They're the world's largest independent conservation organization with over 5 million supporters worldwide, working in more than 100 countries and supporting over 1,000 conservation and environmental projects. Their mission is "to halt and reverse the destruction of our environment". WWF is also concerned with endangered species, pollution and climate change. To find out more, go here.

Many cities in the world have their own landmark. The Empire State Building in New York, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Big Ben in London. Even Seattle has their Space Needle. In Toronto, my hometown,  it's the CN Tower.

                                                                          here

The tower was built in 1976. It's 1,815 feet high and to get to the top (or as high as you can go) there are six glass elevators that travel at fifteen miles per hour.

Or you can take the stairs.

1,776 of them.

I've done this climb twice, in my late teens/early twenties and it was a lot of fun. After more years than I care to count I'm returning and together we're going to conquer it. I can't wait!

If you'd like to sponsor me please go here . Donations of $20.00 or more will receive a tax receipt. Anything you can contribute will get me closer to my goal. I'll be posting after the climb to let you all know how it went. Thanks for any support you can give.

Happy Easter everyone!

Eleven Questions

1. What is your favorite piece of jewelry and why?
*Since I don't wear any myself apart from a wedding band I'd have to say simple diamond-studded earrings or hoops on women. A subtle nose-piercing can be kinda sexy too.

2. What was your best Halloween costume?
*The only one I remember is when my best friend and I went out as Bonnie and Clyde. I was Clyde.

3. If you could own a second home anywhere in the world, where would it be?
*Australia. Otherwise maybe Costa Rica or Tuscany, Italy.

4. What is your best marriage/ relationship advice?
*Sandy and I have been married for fifteen years, together for almost twenty. A few things I've learned along the way:

- don't go to bed angry.

- allow each other time apart to pursue separate interests. Spending too much time together will lead to resentment.

- don't let jealousy rule a relationship. Aaron's a good-looking guy, you're a beautiful woman. Others will always hold a certain allure and attractions are natural. Remember you're most important in each other's lives, but also allow that the opposite sex will have a place somewhere. This shouldn't be perceived as a threat without reason.

- years from now, some of the things you find most annoying about each other will be those you find most endearing now. Don't say I didn't warn you. :p

- say I love you often, and show it. Never take for granted that your partner knows how you feel.

- hold hands, cuddle, be stupid together. Act young, think young and you'll keep your relationship young.

- as you grow older you'll see marriages and relationships of those you love fall apart. Always remember that this does not have to be you. Ignore the statistics and focus instead on making your relationship work. It WILL take work, but the journey is worth it.

5. Do you have a favorite song? What is it, and why?
*I couldn't begin to narrow it down to just one. The first that always seems to come to mind is "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. To me it's the perfect love ballad. I also love "The Last Resort", it's an absolute gem of songwriting. If I could just write one song it would be one of these two.

6. What angers you the most?
*Intolerence. Close-mindedness. Lack of passion.

7. Which of your five senses do you value the most?
*Sight, most definitely. I couldn't imagine never again being able to gaze upon a sunset, an attractive woman, or to read a book. Even just to see colours.

8. What would be your favorite way to spend a Saturday night?
*Either out for dinner and a concert or cozy at home on a couch with Sandy watching a movie, followed by a playful romp beneath the sheets (or wherever).

9. What was the best concert you've ever attended?
*Dire Straits or Billy Joel/Elton John. Tiesto is amazing in concert too!

10. Who is your hero? He or she can be fictional or non-fictional.
*Teachers, mothers, some medical professionals. And Batman, can't forget him.

11. Which of the four is your favorite season?
*Summer, hands-down. Sunshine, heat, swimming, sitting on the patio, tanned bare skin...what's not to love?

Weekend Recap

Saturday morning started as it usually does with a pancake breakfast, my favourite. Usually this involves chocolate chip pancakes with bacon, followed by relaxing in the living room while reading and sipping latte. But since our espresso maker is out getting serviced we went out for latte at Debbie's, our favourite local cafe (the same place I did my poetry reading), then ran a few errands.

In the afternoon Sandy started feeling off-balance, which happens sometimes when she's been stressed and holding all that tension in her shoulders like so many of us do. Our accountant is a friend and we had planned to drop some paperwork off at his place anyway, so he invited us over to take a dip in their hot tub while we waited for him to do our taxes. Sandy felt better but I ended up feeling a little rough afterwards, dehydrated and had a hard time breathing for some reason. This unfortunately put a damper on our plans to spend some quality time in the darkness of Earth Hour. After a while we crashed for two and a half hours, stayed up for an hour then slept for another eight. Not the most exciting way to spend a night but obviously we needed it!

On Sunday morning Sandy cooked up a fresh batch of oatmeal, which I had along with the remaining two pancakes from Saturday (can you tell I love pancakes??) We headed back out for latte and a little shopping then returned home to do some much overdue housework. Sandy did laundry while I vacuumed, which I enjoy doing for some strange reason. I also discovered a short time before that the cat(s) had been using a corner of the front hall closet as a litter box. Charming. And so, since I'm the guy who volunteered for all the dirty/smelly/messy jobs, on went the rubber gloves and out came the garbage bag. I threw all the smelly plastic bags in the trash, doused the inside closet floor with Spray Nine, wiped with a damp cloth and sprayed a heavy application of pet odour remover. We'll see if that works, cats have an incredible sense of smell.

Later in the afternoon we took a break and watched "The Descendants" with George Clooney (not a bad movie), and afterwards I wrapped up my free time by writing my Secret Sunday post and going through a few e-mails. So, while I wouldn't call it an exciting weekend in many ways it was what I needed. Next weekend if all goes according to plan I'll be digging up another window well which will definitely be a story in itself. Wish me luck!

Secret Sunday- A History of Your Secrets, Fantasies and Confessions

It's no secret I've been posting less lately, and I'm working on a few things to get out of this dry spell. I want to do a wide range of posts but Secret Sundays are still important to me, so today I thought I'd make a change I've been meaning to make for a while and also talk a bit about how this all came to be.

A few years ago I was in my favourite bookstore and came across the Post Secrets series of books. I had never heard of them, but when I picked up each one up I couldn't put it down. They were amazingly intense and reading them was a very emotional experience. A short time later I discovered a blog (I think it was "The Girl With The Pink Teacup", who doesn't seem to be around anymore), who was running a Post Secrets feature on her blog. I decided at that moment I wanted to do it as well. And so, in November of 2009 I began Secret Fridays. In October of 2010 I decided to move it to Sundays in the hope that more people would have time to comment on weekends. 

Secret Friday ran 41 times before becoming Secret Sunday. I've decided today to combine the number of times I've run these two features to more accurately reflect the history of these posts. All this explanation is really for anyone who suddenly sees that the numbers have changed.

And so it's time for the 104th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

 1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.


I'll be creating a tab at the top of my blog that will list everything that's been sent to me from the first day to present, for anyone who's as curious as I am about these things.  Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far!

Below is a list of all secrets that were submitted to me during the time I ran this in 2009.

• I'm in love with a married man. I am married too. We were college sweethearts but we didn't end up together. We found each other again recently. What can I say? Love is lovelier the second time around. I'll leave it at that since we're still writing our story. Who knows where this will lead us?

• I'm not sure if this qualifies as too controversial...but it says sexual content is allowed. The first time I masturbated was to a Mormon guy who left for his mission. I wanted to get back at him for leaving me for two years and felt like it was the best way to defile him, to make him less pure and more...human, I guess. But I'm religious, too. And I just felt dirty and wrong afterwards.

• Several years ago I went on a trip to Europe with a friend of mine. I accidentally opened the camera and exposed a roll of film containing pictures we had taken. I knew he'd be pissed, so instead I made it look like it had popped open in the travel bag. To this day he doesn't know it happened.

• When I was in my twenties we had a big family gathering at my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas. I ended up having a brief 'fling' with a friend of my cousin's. One night we had sex while the family slept all around us. I didn't realize until later that my other cousin was awake the whole time. And she reads this blog.

• Once I slept with three different men in a 24 hour time period without doing any of them at the same time. It was one of the sluttiest things I've ever done but it's also something I feel oddly proud of.

• I find pregnant women sexy, dressed or undressed.

• One lazy summer afternoon I was in my apartment, ahem, pleasuring myself. I had forgotten the window washer was coming by that day to do the windows. Oops! :)

• When I was younger I was so mad at this girl who was constantly hitting on my boyfriend. So I found out her address and signed her up for five different dirty magazines. When the magazines were sent to her house she got in huge trouble with her parents and they made her get counselling. I still don't regret it.

• When I found out my husband was cheating on me, I hacked his email accounts and then his dating accounts and I changed his profiles on those sites to state, "I'm the biggest fucking asshole in the world because I am cheating on my pregnant wife." HA!

• When my partner is away, I sometimes pleasure myself with thoughts of my partner's friends, and also I think of an ex co worker.

• I have a weakness for redheads

• I have two that are similar to some mentioned already! I'll save one for another day.

• I have been having an affair with my daughters soccer coach for the last 4.5 years. He has paid off my car loan, sent me on a vacation with my child, and just gives me cash when he has some in his wallet. I love him for this.

• I'm scared that he's the one and he doesn't want me. There was a moment in our relationship that I fell in love and it was the moment he fell out of love with me. I think he would be a great father & I'd have fun with him forever. He's been in my dreams & I can't seem to get him out of my head. I love him. It would be perfect. He's the first guy I ever thought I could marry. But he does not want me so I'm left alone and it's tearing me apart.

• I cried more over a girl I lost touch with than over the deaths of most people I've known, and I don't know why.

• My secret is...I've felt totally alone my whole life...

• My first kiss was with a girl. I'm a girl. I'm not a lesbian though. At least I don't think. Hah!

• Sometimes I fantasize about being in a bank and then a robber comes and then he demands that I start fooling around with a stranger in the line while the robber streams the video with a laptop or he'll kill random people until I do it.

• I miss my ex more than I could possibly have ever thought.

• I'm a straight male. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with another man.

• I just accused my partner of writing the above secret and was shocked that he denied it. Hah!

• I'm not a virgin, and the only person who knows that is the guy I lost my virginity to. The reason for this is that in my culture (and religion) this is possibly punishable by death.

• Oh and I would REALLY like to give you the biggest hug someday.

• When I was twenty two I almost had an affair (or at least a brief 'encounter') with a friend of my mother's. This woman was ten years older than me, and we were very attracted to each other. After meeting her husband and son I couldn't go through with it.

• I read these posts hoping to read secrets that will turn me on.

• Water turns me on. The sound of it, the way it feels against my skin. I sometimes like to get myself off while in the shower or tub.

• Sometimes I wish I could get a hit man to take out people I don't like

• i am so jealous of my bf's ex. Even though she didn't do anything to me. she's smart, loaded and have a bright future. i'm soooo jealous, i could die for jealousy.

• I'm a lousy excuse for a partner

• I feel like I'm no longer beautiful... (if I ever was).

• Sometimes I fantasize about getting back together with my ex. Until I remember all the reasons why being with him sucked.

• I hate fucking Christmas. This is the worst time of year, Christmas sucks. I wish I could be at work all through the holidays. Fuck Christmas!

• I realize this probably isn't the most original, but I've got the hots for older men. Like...men my father's age. I'm happily married, but am waiting for the day I wake up next to my husband and find that he's that sexy, strong, experienced man I've always wanted to pounce. I also worry that when I reach that point, he'll be one of those men that wants a younger woman.

• hmmmm.... can I really do a secret friday? I might be quite embarassed after that... might not want to say too much. hahhaha...hmm.... thinking. get back to you on that.

• I kind of have a tiny crush on you.

• I was once first on-scene at an auto accident, and was able to take control of the scene. I hope to be in this situation again, partly because I want to help people. Partly because I want to be seen as a hero.

• I want everyone to like me. I'm nice to everyone, even people who don't deserve it. When I hear someone doesn't like me, I spend a lot of time torturing myself about why and then my self-esteem is gone for a long time because I feel worthless. All for that one person, whether it be a stranger or acquaintance. It sucks.

• I don't like to touch myself.

• I wish I could walk out of my office right now and never come back. My boss has no respect for me and people at my office just walk all over me. I can't leave because I get paid 1,000 every 2 weeks. It's the only reason why I stay but I wish i could scream "Fuck you" to my boss right now & kick him where the sun don't shine.

• I'm very frustrated right at the moment, with so much stuff. I'm keen to just get it sorted, but am getting too impatient.

25 Questions

What Was Your:


1. Last Beverage: not including water? cuppucino

2. Last Phone Call: this evening to Sandy

3. Last Text Message: to a blogging friend, talking about things that happened today

4. Last Song You Listened To: Love Rain Down (George Acosta feat. Fisher)

5. Last Time You Cried: can't remember but I do get emotional


Have You Ever:


6. Dated Someone Twice: no

7. Been Cheated On: probably. If it was the reason my ex broke up with me then she did me a
                                 favour.

8. Kissed Someone & Regretted it: I've never regretted a kiss

9. Lost Someone Special: yes

10. Been Depressed: yes, between 2008-2009 following my car accident.

11. Been Drunk & Threw Up: yup

12. Three Favourite Colours: blue, soft pink (on women, not me), deep jewel-tone purple
                                           (again on women, not me)


In The Last Year Have You:


13. Made A New Friend: yes, a few

14. Fallen Out Of Love: no

15. Laughed Until You Cried: definitely!

16. Met Someone Who Changed You: yes

17. Found Out Who Your true friends are: not last year in particular, no.

18. Been Friended By Someone You Don’t Know On Facebook: yes, a few times


General:

19. What Are You Listening To Right Now: ATB: DJ In The Mix

20. Hair Color: can't remember

21. What's Getting On Your Nerves Right Now: nothing, but the day's not over

22. What Is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: finances. That and I'd love to visit/ live in Australia.

23. What is your nickname: Bear, B, some flirty names I won't repeat

24. Most Visited Web Page: Facebook, Google and Yahoo accounts (I'm obsessive about
                                            e-mail!)

25. Name Something You Can't Wait For: maybe I'll tell you if we get to know each other
                                                               better

My Third Blogiversary- Where To Go From Here?

Is it really another anniversary? Like most of us, I guess, I never saw myself writing my blog for this long. But three years later here we are, Life In Quotations has been read over 80,000 times in 100+ countries according to my live traffic feed.

These numbers are important to me because I never wrote just for myself. In fact in the beginning I never wrote this blog for myself at all, not directly anyway. I posted only famous quotations as a way of reaching out and hopefully connecting with other people who were also feeling lost or hurting. From day one I envisioned this site as a safe haven where readers of all ages and backgrounds could come and exchange their ideas and experiences, with unconditional acceptance. Completely free of judgement. I want that for my readers because I’ve always wanted it for myself. It isn’t always easy to come by.

I'm happy to say I feel this has happened, although more often in private conversation than on my blog. I'm good with this, because it‘s allowed me to get to know many of you more personally than if you were to only leave anonymous comments about your personal experiences. What I’m trying to decide on is how to bring all of this to my readers.

This is what I want to do with Life In Quotations. To bring it closer to what I intended from the start, which is to have people share very personal experiences and hopefully show others who are going through similar things that they’re not alone. Most of the conversations I have away from my blog are about relationships, but also about things like depression, eating disorders, sexuality, self-image and uncertainty about the future. I’m very confident they’re things many of you can relate to.

I want to get back to posting more. I want to have a balance between deep subjects and lighter, everyday things in my life so that this never gets too heavy. I'm always happy to give advice when people write asking for my opinion but I don’t want my blog to read like an advice column.

So, I’m not sure where to go from here. I have to give it some thought and I’m open to any and all ideas. In the meantime I want to thank you all for reading me. More than anything I appreciate the friendship, love and support you’ve shown me over the years. You're all amazing and I couldn’t imagine it ever ending.

xo

Secret Sunday

It's time for the 63rd round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Barriers

The Berlin Wall came down, they said it would never happen. If a barrier that divides a nation can crumble to the ground, I'm pretty sure the wall you put up around yourself can be brought down too.

Secret Monday

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was so busy I didn't even realize until this morning that I had missed posting Secret Sunday (it's very rare that I forget). So...

Welcome to Secret Monday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Best Week Ever

source unknown, this was e-mailed from a friend

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is

 immortal."

                                                                                                          ~ Albert Pine

The past several days have been some of the most amazing I've had since I started Life In Quotations three years ago. The very thing that makes them so amazing is also what has taken me away from here.

Over the past week about a dozen of you have spoken with me either by e-mail or Facebook about things you're dealing with in your lives. These conversations have occupied the majority of my spare time, and to be honest there's nothing I'd want more. Not only has it given me a chance to know you better, it's allowed me to share more of myself as well. I feel our friendships have grown stronger because of it, and to me that's time very well spent.

Topics of conversations covered this week:

• coping with anxiety
• toxic parents
• being asked for an opinion on a hairstyle
• self-harm (cutting)
• sexuality and guilt (fantasies and attractions to people who are "off-limits")
• death of a loved one
• recovering emotionally after an affair
• eating disorders (anorexia nervosa)
• coping with disturbing nightmares
• rekindling relationships after a betrayal
• negative self-image and regaining self-esteem
• coping with feelings for another person outside a current relationship
• emotions experienced during pregnancy
• dealing with lack of closure after a break-up
• starting a new chapter of life by moving to another country (two different people)
• being asked for an opinion on a new hair colour
• learning to trust

I've struggled since last year with exactly which direction I want to take this blog. We all have issues we need to work through, I'm no different than anyone else. Things like I've mentioned above are very important to me, but making them the focus of my blog all the time would make it pretty heavy. What I'll probably do is mix them in with other, lighter subjects to try and keep some balance.

From day one Life In Quotations has been written not only for me but with my readers in mind. So what do you think, what would you like to see here?

Secret Sunday

Don't ask me why I just thought of this but our local adult sex shop has taken over some of the space formerly occupied by the Amish furniture store. True. Makes me smile every time I think of it.

Hey everyone it's time for the 61st round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:
1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

For A Friend

First love, first heart

First casualty.

Fractured words fluttering upon

Feet unsteady

Beneath knees weakened

By the blow unexpected.

In silence, dampened eyes

Searching for solace

Find your heart remains yet.

And across the miles

Through this room’s shadows

Holding vigil

In an hour so late

The voice of one so young

Your words,

Dance upon my screen and proclaim

I am not broken,

I am found.

Worry

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."

~ Corrie Ten Boom