My Head Is Spinning (And I Love It)

I haven’t written much here lately but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. A few of you, my blogging friends, are going through some stuff and thankfully you’ve let me be a part of it. I’ll try to give the rest of you an idea of where I’ve been spending my time without revealing too much about anyone’s situation that hasn’t been posted publicly.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. There was the loss of a loved one that was very unexpected and just devastated me. But Jamie’s doing the best she can, day by day, and I know she‘ll get through this. JJ if you’re reading, my thoughts are always with you.

There was a birth that was nothing short of miraculous and I’m convinced was meant to be. I’ve been friends with Becca for over two years, she’s wanted a third child for as long as I can remember and I was overjoyed to see Timothy come into the world healthy after the struggles she went through. It was definitely one of my happiest moments this year. Isn’t it amazing how we can feel so close to people we’ve never met?

I can’t count the number of e-mails and messages I’ve read and answered lately about relationships. Talk of boyfriends and husbands, break-ups and affairs. Questions about sexual identity, new experiences and feelings. Giving advice that brought two friends back together, or talking about a situation with a roommate.

I chatted through Facebook with Jamie Lynne Grumet, recently on the cover of Time magazine’s issue on attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding. (Sweet person by the way). A friend approached me on how to handle unwanted sexual innuendo from an unknown commenter, another asked me to review the first few chapters of her novel.

Happy to read, happy to listen, happy to be here.

Always.

Secret Sunday

It's been quiet here but very busy in my day-to-day life this past week, I'll fill you in a bit more in the next couple days.

Time now for the 112th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Secret Sunday

Wow it's been such a busy weekend I just realized I'm late posting Secret Sunday. So here it is.

It's time for the 111th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Attachment Parenting- The Time Magazine Controversy

Time magazine

  It would seem the latest media controversy to sweep through North America (temporarily stealing some spotlight from the same-sex marriage debate), has been brought to us courtesy of Time magazine. For those of you who haven’t heard the buzz yet the May 21st issue features a cover photo of Jamie Lynne Grumet breastfeeding her three-year-old son Aram. As soon as I heard of the story I knew I wanted to write about it, so I picked up a copy the day it hit my local news stand and began reading.

  On a broader scale this centres around attachment parenting or AP, a concept currently being advocated by Dr. Bill Sears. (For his seven B’s of attachment parenting read here ; some of them I agree with, some I don't). What bothers me about all the hype is that this presents a perfect opportunity for open discussion on how best to raise children in Western society, yet all the focus seems to be directed on a provocative front-page photo. Neither Mrs. Grumet nor Dr. Sears are happy with Time’s decision to use this particular shot for the cover; a picture of her cuddling her son close would have better represented the story, but Time knows as well as anyone that an attractive young woman with her breasts half exposed in a defiant pose such as this will draw attention. In this sense the cover has done what it’s supposed to, and that’s to sell magazines. I have not so much a problem with the photo itself as the way in which it's being used to deliberately spark controversy.

  The cover headline also provokes a strong reaction by asking, “Are you mom enough?” It’s sensationalistic and insensitive, as if suggesting that women who are unable to breastfeed as often as they’d like (or at all) somehow fall short as mothers. Attachment parenting to this degree is almost a non-issue anyway; how many women are in a position to stay at home and nurse their children for this length of time even if they want to? The vast majority of mothers don’t take AP to such extremes but this message is overshadowed.

  If I were to break down Sears’ seven points of attachment parenting and give my views on each, I’d have to spread it out over several posts. So, since public attention is being focused on the issue of extended breastfeeding that’s what I’ll talk about here.

  I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about. I admit that I was a bit unsettled by the photo at first, mainly because it’s not something we’re used to seeing. Only 15-25% of North American mothers continue nursing their children past six months, where from every article I’ve read the international average is much higher. Why do so many feel breastfeeding into the toddler years until a child self-weans is wrong? And how many more mothers, given the chance to stay at home for years and raise their children, would choose to do the same?

  Response to Jamie Lynne Grumet’s cover photo has ranged from overwhelming support to threats of Child Protective Services being called under allegations of child molestation. This infuriates me. It’s a fire fuelled by ignorance, those who feel this way would do well to speak with a survivor of child sexual abuse. On her Facebook page Jamie has linked to an excellent article  written by Mollie, a blogger who is both a survivor of abuse and a nursing mother of two children, one of them a three year old. It’s very well-written and I feel worth a look.

  Much is being made of how traumatized Jamie's son will be when he's older, that someday his fellow twelve year old friends will taunt him with images of this cover photo. I highly doubt this is something kids or anyone else will be dwelling on years from now, and it's unlikely most children who know him at the peak of all this publicity are aware he's on the cover or have any capacity to understand the controversy surrounding it. I've also heard almost no mention of his older brother Samuel, whom the Grumets adopted from an Ethiopian family. What life would this child have had if he had stayed there? Surely not the same as he has now.
  It’s been pointed out that Aram looks more like a four or five year old in the cover photo. He’ll be four in June, and this to me speaks to his state of health. The benefits of breastfeeding are widely documented. Beyond twelve months breast milk changes to suit the development of a child, I came across this article which explains further and argues in favour of extended feeding.

  Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural and I fully support any woman who wishes to (which includes publicly).  I also realize many women don’t do it, either by choice or because they can’t. I’m not saying that giving a baby formula isn’t acceptable, I just don’t understand why anyone would encourage a nursing mother to remove her child by a certain age when the benefits of breast milk have been proven.

  Let’s wean a child before he or she is ready and put them on formula or cow's milk. Let’s trade the safety and warmth of a mother’s body for the security that an inanimate object such as a blanket provides. Let’s break this emotional attachment not because mother or child are ready but simply because society says it’s time.

  Show me the logic in that.

(UPDATE: Since writing this I'm very pleased to say that Jamie has asked me to provide a link to this post on her Facebook page, which can be found here . She added: "The only thing I disagree with on you is about my son (Samuel, who is actually older than Aram) and he is better off in America than Ethiopia. Ethiopians raise wonderful human beings, and we could learn so much from them! (just wanted to clear that up! I hope I didn't come across mad or attacking you...not meant that way at all)." No offence taken Jamie, my statement was probably misleading. Thanks for giving me the chance to share this post with your readers!


For more pictures from Time’s photoshoot see here

Jamie Lynne Grumet’s Facebook page

Jamie Lynne Grumet’s blog

Articles referenced:  

What AP is: 7 Baby B's by Dr. Bill Sears

Out of the Mouth of Babes by Eric Michael Johnson, Evolutionary Anthropologist

The WEIRD Evolution of Human Psychology by Eric Michael Johnson, Evolutionary Anthropologist

A Natural Age of Weaning by Katherine Dettwyler, PhD

Breastfeeding Past Infancy: Fact Sheet by Kelly Bonyata, BS, IBCLC

How Breastfeeding Benefits You and Your Baby reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

Secret Sunday

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms (and moms-to-be) out there! ♥

It's time for the 110th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Climbing for the Cause

here

  I've been meaning to write about this for a while. On Saturday April 21st Sandy and I headed into downtown Toronto to meet a challenge: climb the CN Tower. The climb is an annual Spring event on behalf of World Wildlife Fund (WWF) Canada and attracts thousands of people of every walk of life.

  We arrived shortly after 8:00am and joined the line outside. It was a windy, chilly morning but everyone was in good spirits. After about ten minutes of shivering our asses off we were told that since we had already pre-registered we were in the wrong line-up. Awesome. We did a short sprint around the building and up a big flight of stairs until we reached the enclosed walkway to the main area. Down another flight of stairs and we were there...

  The main area was in a big long building filled with tables of volunteer staff checking off names and issuing wristbands...

  After signing in we changed into our shorts and T-shirts then went to check-in our coats and bags...

  We knew we wouldn't be able to bring our phones and camera along with us during the climb so we elected to leave them at home. The photos in this post are from WWF's website (unless otherwise noted).  All rights reserved by WWF Canada, I claim no ownership of these pictures.

  Excitement filled the air as we made our way over to the tower, you could feel the energy and anticipation. Groups of girls sang and chanted along the way, loud music pumped from speakers everywhere filling every walkway and corridor. It brought back memories of the two climbs I made here as a teen. Most of the crowd were still in their teens to late twenties, but every age group was represented. Fathers and sons, the fit and not-so-fit...people of every background you could think of were here with one common goal: to make it to the top.

  Within a short time we were at the base ready to start, and were lead through a doorway into a concrete stairwell. There was no music or hype, but a few encouraging words from staff as we set foot on the metal stairway and began to climb. One flight. Then another. Then another. Then, well...imagine climbing a 144 storey building in about half an hour. I took my focus off the floor numbers on the wall and we all just kept at it...

  Some people try to beat a personal best, a few try to break the fastest record to the top (7 minutes 52 seconds). We decided to take our time and paused periodically between flights of stairs. Each landing was decorated with colourful signs hand-painted by grade school children, with slogans about saving the animals and the environment. Some had messages urging us on, "Come on you can do it", and "You're almost there!" They made me smile and really were encouraging to people...

  Also along the way about every seven floors were trained paramedics. I didn't see anyone who needed help but it was great to see them there as I'm sure a few people needed them. Sandy told a couple of them that she wanted to kill me, because as we got closer to the top I kept jumping up and down like her personal cheerleader coaxing her on when she stopped. Annoying? Probably. But it seemed to help, and if nothing else I amused myself. I seem to do that a lot.

a climber passes the 142nd floor

  And so, after just over 38 minutes we reached the top (we could have done it in 37-something but before we were time stamped I stopped to ask questions about when the event would be posted on-line). We were met by smiles and "Way to go"s as we hit the mark...

reaching the top

   But the celebration had to be put on hold since we still had another six floors to climb before reaching the main observation level. This is where the energy returned; everyone we passed was clapping and congratulating all of us as we made our way into the crowd, and I mean CROWD. The place was packed with climbers waiting to make the return trip. After twenty minutes or so we were on a glass elevator, my ears popping from the pressure as we sped towards earth. I've loved that ride since I was a kid!

here

  Once on the ground we took the walkway back and passed by tables where volunteers let us each pick out a stuffed animal...

Sandy's

mine

  ...then back to the main area where staff gave us T-shirts and wrote our climb times on them...

 The event was really well organized considering the colossal effort it took to put it together, and the staff were just amazing. It was a fun way to spend the morning and we topped the day off by attending a birthday party with friends.

  Sandy and I raised $250 between us, and we plan to raise a lot more in October when we do this again for the United Way. The goal we've set for that climb is 25 minutes or less.


The following summer we'll be getting some friends together do this. I'll definitely be posting after we do...

All's Well That Ends Well (again)

Back in August of 2010 I wrote a post about a window well that I had to dig up. This past weekend I was at it again, this time on the opposite side of the house.

Our home is over forty years old and they're being built differently these days. For those of you who haven't seen one, a window well surrounds a basement window that's below grade (ground level). Its purpose is not to hold water but to allow it to drain so it doesn't enter the house. Quite simple. The problem we've been having is that over time silt and dirt has been washing into the wells and threatening to clog the drains. This happened with the last one, it backfilled with water until it seeped through the window and flooded our basement bathroom. You can also see it happening here on this one, it should be filled with only stones but dirt has been washing in. If I didn't fix the problem we'd have another flooding situation (we'd also have a maple tree growing as evidenced by the leaves sprouting)...

Notice how the metal surround is at an angle. That's because when our house was built they didn't take time to secure it to the foundation. Over the years due to frost heaving (ice forming below the surface of the soil), it lifted and eventually allowed dirt and silt to seep inside. You might notice the hole I've circled in red on the right, which is meant to be used to anchor the surround to the concrete. It wasn't. This was laziness on the part of the builder...

Here I've dug down to the bottom of the window well and removed the surround, which will be replaced with a new one. The drips on the flashing around the window was from an epoxy sealer applied to the foundation. Since this window is on the side of the house not normally seen (and surrounded by plants), I chose to leave it as-is. I had enough work ahead of me...

Digging down a few feet further. The black pipe in the middle is the drain which I've capped with landscaping fabric to prevent dirt from falling in as I worked...

It's not unusual to come across old building materials that were left behind when a house was constructed. Along with a bunch of big rocks I pulled out some bricks, metal strapping, a big rusty nail (I'm surprised there was only one), and some shards of broken glass. Awesome...

We had a local landscaping company drop off a big pile of 3/4 inch clear stone, which is kinda misleading since it's neither 3/4 of an inch nor clear. Who thinks of these names anyway?...

They also dumped a pile of fine limestone screening (dark gravel on the left in the photo above) which Sandy moved over to the bird feeding station in our backyard. You should see her use a wheelbarrow! Next weekend we'll be using that gravel to level off the paving stones beneath the pole that supports the bird feeders. Meanwhile back at the window I lined the pit with landscaping fabric to keep soil from leeching through and began adding the stones...

...then attached the new surround by drilling three holes in the foundation on each side and hammering in anchors (I had to do this first before adding any more stones in order to give myself enough room to work). Time to attach the metal well surround to the foundation? About fifteen minutes. That's all it would have taken when the house was built to avoid this. C'est la vie...

And here we are, all done! I shouldn't need to do anything again apart from keeping it free from leaves and other debris.

When I was finished I went around to all three wells and used an industrial vacuum cleaner to suck out all the stones the builder put inside the drain pipes. The thinking at the time the house was built was that the stones would prevent debris from clogging the pipes, however they also decrease the efficiency of drainage. So I sucked out as much as I could and capped each one with landscaping fabric. This will allow water to get through while keeping everything else out.    

In total it took me about seven hours straight working time between Saturday and Sunday. I enjoy doing work like this around the house and find it very rewarding. How was your weekend, more relaxing I hope?

Secret Sunday

here

Time now for the 109th round of Secret Sunday, a chance to anonymously share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) Post a secret or fantasy anonymously. It can be from mild to wild, anything goes. All I ask is that it's true. You can post as many as you're comfortable with. I don't plan to censor content or language.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. Let me know and I'll follow along.

And now to it...

Threads (poem)

Threads

Could we but give our souls a voice

Loud enough for those who doubt to hear

We'd sing of summersongs within our hearts

Hearing them echo in return.

But soft words

Sometimes become weapons

Turned against us by those we hold dear

We watch our worlds crash around us,

Left to sweep up the pieces.

The threads that keep us together are thin

Woven in strands of fate and chance

A web which bends in the breeze

But is rarely strong enough

To hold against a fleeting wind.

Yet fleeting winds and fleeting moments

Are all we have

And all we cling to.

Forever hopeful

That those moments

Will never end.