Okay, I can live with the cage. Keeps me from being eaten by that unbearable waste of fur you call a cat. I can live with this wheel too, although I gotta tell ya…it got old in like the first five minutes. But wood chips?? C’mon, who the hell thought they’d be good for me? Look at my paws, does this stuff look comfortable to you?
I’m not sure how I feel about that magic talking picture box. You and your friends seem to like sitting on your bed and watching your favourite stories forever, but I don’t get it. All I see are human males and females getting all up in each other, cursing themselves out. Man, you guys have some seriously messed-up relationships. If I had a girl hamster in here with me right now I’d show you how it’s done. By the way, that 'people who think they can dance' show that you watch is okay, but for the love of God you have to do something about muzzling the French judge. When I stick my paws out of this cage I’m not reaching out to touch someone, I’m reaching for the mute button. Duh.
And whose bright idea was it to call me Susan? I’m a boy, or haven’t you noticed?
Anyway. Just want to let you know that I could use some more entertainment in this room. The most interesting thing that ever happens is seeing you yell at your brother. Oh, that and watching you and your boyfriend get it on when mom and dad aren't home. By the way they know, and after tonight your ass is grounded for a month. Apparently Kevin left his undies behind. Hey, I hear stuff.
So what’s that thing you’re chewing on? S..N..I..C..K..E..R..S. Not sure what that means but you seem to like it.
You gonna finish that?