I met Rebecca two years ago through a mutual blogging friend and along the way I've watched her children Anthony and Molly grow. I've never felt the desire to have a son or daughter of my own but she's helped me see what it means to be a parent, what it is to love a child as only a mother can. It's been an amazing look inside a woman's heart and mind and I've enjoyed every moment of it. She's now pregnant with a third and I'm beyond excited for her and her husband, Sam.
Becca thanks so much for taking the time to write this, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it...
You know, it's really hard when your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another. My husband and I discussed having a third child for two years. Two years my head told me no. Two years my heart screamed yes. I remember saying over and over again that I didn't think I could ever forgive myself if we didn't at least try for a third child. All my life I've followed my head. Why can't I for once follow my heart?
On August 19th, 2011 I had my IUD removed. I remember on the morning of September 9th I woke up and just had this most wonderful feeling. I took a pregnancy test and then got into the shower. I told myself I would wait until my shower was over to look at the results. HA! I got 3 minutes in then had to peek. I jumped out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair and ran outside to where my husband was, towel falling off me, with the biggest shit eating grin on my face. I'll never forget that moment. We had gotten pregnant on August 28th, 9 days after my IUD removal. I think the Lord must have approved of me following my heart.
A few weeks into my pregnancy it was feared I was losing the baby. That was the scariest, most horrific situation I have ever experienced. All I could do was pray. What we thought was a miscarriage turned out to be a subchorionic hemorrhage. I was relieved my baby was still with us and cried on the ultrasound table when I saw the heartbeat, but the news of a subchorionic hemorrhage itself brought dangers of a miscarriage. For months I dealt with light to heavy (sometimes even passing large clots), on and off again bleeding. I would go a week or more without anything and would always think, "Maybe that's the end of the bleeding and I'm in the clear!" only to have the bleeding return and last for days. I was fearful. Always fearful. At any moment I thought I would lose the life I so desperately wanted to bring into this world. I tried my best to keep a smile on my face and have faith that everything would work out the way it should. Finally, at 24 weeks, my bleeding stopped and did not return again. The relief that washed over me is indescribable. If interested, you can go to: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/404971-overview for more information on subchorionic hemorrhages.
Timothy Thomas (It's a boy!!) is a strong one. I'm so very thankful to have gotten through that rough time in my pregnancy and to still be carrying a little boy who make his presence known with painful kicks to my ribs and an ever expanding belly. I'm now quickly approaching my due date of May 20th and excitedly preparing for a natural home birth. I can't wait to see my little one's face and tell him just how much his Mama's heart wanted him.
Come by my blog: http://onlyamamaknows.blogspot.com/ and read all about my home birth preparations and help me await the arrival of Timothy!
(PS: Becca is a photographer and has been taking her own maternity photos. The pictures shown here are copyright of her business Lynn Elizabeth Photography. )