Secret Sunday

Hope you guys are having a good weekend. I'm sitting here nursing hangover-like symptoms after our party last night, and I hardly even drank!

Welcome to the fifth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right to remove anything which appears to be posted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right not to remove content that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate remarks will be deleted.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

More Q&A

What are your standards when it comes to choosing a life partner?


What I looked for in my life partner are many of the same qualities that attract me to women in general.  I have a better sense of myself, what turns me on, what personality traits I like now than I did when I was dating in my twenties.  A few things have changed, but most of what I think is important has stayed the same.  In no particular order, she needs to be:
 

• kind
• fun-loving     
• intelligent
• physically attractive
• compassionate
• assertive
• mature
• responsible
• open-minded
• passionate
• confident
• feminine
• sexual
• socially outgoing
• adventurous
• caring

  I think it's important to have a partner who will give you space.  I've always been a very independent person, can happily spend a day by myself and not get bored.  Sandy's good at giving me alone time, to work on my hobbies or to write and get my thoughts out of my head and onto 'paper'. It's my way of decompressing and does me a world of good.

  I need a partner who's challenging, who won't let me walk all over her (not that I would).  We're both very strong-willed at times, it's rare that we're both feeling that way at once but I love how we play off each other when we both want to assert ourselves. There's a certain sexiness to this exchange of dominance I find; when neither of us will back down it can lead to a playful physicality between us.

  It's important to me to have someone who will take time to stop and appreciate the little things during a busy day.  Sometimes when we're in the middle of rushing off somewhere Sandy will point to the clouds or the way the sunlight is hitting a tree and casting shadows.  God I love this about her.

  Things in a long-term relationship can get pretty routine after a while. You can get to know your partner very well over eighteen years, and it does take effort to keep things new and fresh. So it's important to me that a life partner be open-minded and willing to try new things, whether it's travelling, experiencing new cultural events, being sexually adventurous, meeting new people..whatever. Gotta keep things interesting in all areas of life.

  It's also extremely important to me that a partner not be too possessive. I've seen many relationships smothered by insecurity in one or both people. While spending time together is vital to a relationship, it's also necessary to give yourselves breathing space to spend time with others without being under a blanket of jealousy. Trust can't be over-emphasized.

  Every relationship has its own dynamic.  If a relationship is going to work long-term, both people involved need to accept the other for who they are without intending to change them down the road. If there are things about your partner that don't suit you now, they won't suit you in the future.

Some Hearts (poem)

  I'll assure you that despite yesterday's topic of tears and today's post on heart-break, everything's fine with my relationship and I've been in a great mood this week. I came across this poem tonight as I was sifting through some of my older work.  I wrote it when I was twenty-one after a break-up; amazing the emotions that being dumped can pull out of you isn't it?

  I'll be featuring more of my writing from this time in my life in upcoming posts.

Some Hearts

Some nights are better spent alone

Some lives best lived apart

Some hearts are better left untouched;

Their flames burn brightest at the start.

Some questions are better left unanswered

Some feelings never chanced

Some tears are better left unshed

Some dances never danced.

Some walls are better left unbroken

Some love best left ungiven,

Because when all that we think

And feel has been spoken

Some hearts aren’t always forgiven.

Graphic by lucaszoltowski 2008-2010 .  Photo credit here.

A Greater Understanding- Tears

  Crying. We all do it, for many reasons and through all stages of our lives. Yet it's not something we seem to talk about much is it? I did a little reading into the psychophysiology behind tears; what I found was pretty interesting and I thought you guys might think so too.  So here we are (I skipped over the twenty-five letter chemical and hormonal names to keep it from sounding too dry).

  There are three basic types of tears. Basal tears help keep the cornea wet and nourished. Some of the substances in this fluid fight against bacteria. Reflex tears result from irritation of the eye by foreign particles, or by reaction to irritating substances such as onion vapours or direct sunlight. They attempt to wash out any irritants that come in contact with the surface. Pretty straightforward so far right? In the 1980s Dr. William Fey (a researcher at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis) determined that reflex tears are composed mainly of water (98%), where emotional tears also contain the stress hormone prolactin.

  The third kind, Emotional (weeping) tears, are what I was most curious about. This type of crying is generally brought on by strong emotional stress, mourning, physical pain or suffering. As most of us know it can also be brought on by extreme happiness. It's a necessary biological reaction triggered by the body to release toxins. In addition it evokes that "feel good" factor we need after a good cry. Emotional tears contain more protein-based hormones, including a natural pain-killer, than basal or reflex tears.  Among these are endorphins, the same hormones that are released during intense physical exercise or sex.  Which explains why some people cry after experiencing orgasm. (More on this in a future post).

  The sight of someone crying triggers protective instincts, drawing us to them to help and provide comfort. Therapist Marisa Peer said, "Our need for and ability to offer protection, sympathy and empathy play a crucial role in crying." Crying is an attention-grabber, as babies know all too well.

  This primal notion dates back to the early days of the human race, when men would go off hunting and leave their women and children behind. Since they were on their own, the women required a natural "signal" if they needed help (some say this may explain why most men aren't as open about expressing emotion and are generally less comfortable crying in public than women). This is something that's been biologically ingrained in the sexes over thousands of years.

  People generally feel better, usually more relaxed, after a good cry. Even though it's often done under stressful or traumatic circumstances, crying is a significant way to release stress and is an essential reaction

for our emotional health.

Photo credit here.

Because I'm Not Above Going For The Cheap Laugh...

Happy Monday everyone.  Hope you'll still respect me in the morning.

Secret Sunday

Hope you guys are having a good weekend! Welcome to the fourth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how this works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right to remove anything which appears to be posted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right not to remove content that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate remarks will be removed.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

How Do You Define Cheating?

  Over the past weeks I've heard various points of view from women on what exactly constitutes cheating. I'll give you my opinion and open this up to hear yours. Most of you probably won't agree with me; some of you will strongly disagree and that's okay.  I'm not looking for agreement, I want to hear how you guys feel.


Flirting

  The most hotly debated subject seems to be flirting so I'll start here. Sandy and I give each other a lot of leniency when it comes to flirting. Like, a lot. In my eyes what it comes down to first and foremost is the intent in which it's done. If a partner flirts with someone and the intention is for it to lead to something romantic or physical, then I agree it's wrong. But I think flirting is harmless if it's done in fun, if both parties involved are on the same page and they don't allow it to lead anywhere. 

  We're both naturally very flirtatious, it's just not that evident in our blogs or e-mail. I've been in this relationship for eighteen years and always find it flattering when someone acts flirty or simply pays me a compliment. It's tremendously validating, and makes my day to be found attractive by someone of the opposite sex, especially someone younger. Sandy feels the same and it's a non-issue between us, and I always love seeing the mood she's in when she tells me of some exchange she had that day. In fact, sometimes we point out people out in public that we think the other will find attractive ("Hey there's one for you."). I'll stand back and watch her work it when she's off somewhere and some guy starts chatting her up. Who doesn't love attention? Where the issue can come into play is when the flirting is done overtly in front of your partner to their exclusion (in other words, acting like they're not there). Usually a sure-fire way to put a strain on your relationship.


  How these situations would sit with you I think depends largely on your self-confidence and the trust you have in your partner. Too many people equate jealousy with love; the more jealous he/she is of someone paying attention to you the more he/she must love you. To my mind, if your partner has given you no reason not to trust them, your jealousy is a sign of insecurity.


Sexting

  I won't say much about sexting here because I think most would consider it cheating. I don't know too many people who would be comfortable with their partner sexting someone.


Texting/ e-mails

  This is a whole world unto itself because of its secrecy. I can name a bazillion instances where this has caused problems amongst people I know (both bloggers and non-bloggers alike).
  I communicate with many friends by e-mail, and I've had some very personal conversations with those of you I'm most comfortable with and closest to. These conversations are usually about either self-perception or relationships, sometimes talk does turn to sex and gets intimate. I don't consider this inappropriate within a relationship; what I would consider inappropriate would be if the basis of these conversations was talk of sex between the two people involved (sharing fantasies of each other, etc.) Otherwise the subject of sex is as much a part of life as friendship, love or your favourite colour.

  There's really no clear-cut answer here.  If seeing your significant other smile at another is cheating to you, then that's how you feel (an extreme example, but if it's an issue to you it's still valid). For me, the bottom line is that cheating is doing something you know you partner has a problem with; whether you think it's harmless or you intend no harm by it is irrelevant. In fairness to each other, both concerned need to discuss what they are and aren't comfortable with. Most situations can be avoided simply by communication.

  So...where do you draw the line?



Photo credit here.

Whispers

And your hushed voice fell upon my ear,

"Spend the rest of your life with me tonight."

Photo credit here.

Q&A

"Why do you blog, what do you learn from your blogs?"

My blog and myself have gone through a huge transformation since I started in March of last year, and my reasons have changed with it. In the beginning I posted only famous quotations as a way of reaching out to other people, I didn't want it to be about me. I still do it now mainly for the same reason (to reach other people hopefully), but this time it's mostly through my own words. I like to discuss my experiences and write about things that raise eyebrows and make people a bit uncomfortable, because I think it's really important to create dialogue. But I try not to make it too heavy around here so I post an occasional short story or poem I've written, usually romantic. Yeah I'm a sucker for that stuff.

I don't know if I've learned things from my blogs as much as I've learned things through them. My readers are just amazing, in the beginning I hoped but never imagined that I'd be able to have the friendships I do now. Most bloggers I know are younger than I am, and they've taught me a lot. I've learned you can live a lifetime before you're twenty. I've learned that many young people are wiser and more mature than some adults I know. I've learned that everyone needs someone to confide in, I think deep down we all want to reach out even if we don't always think we feel that desire. I've learned that many of us build walls but few want them. I've learned that blogging is a paradox because although I'll never meet most of you I've become friends with, I find I'm able to get to know you more deeply than those around me. I don't have intimate discussions about secrets, heartaches and fears with my 'real life' friends like I do with you. I think the reason for it is that the computer creates more of a sense of comfort and safety once you feel you can trust a person, sometimes more than a face-to-face friendship.  Do you agree or am I just crazy?

I'm curious to know what you guys think. Are you more comfortable sharing personal things about yourself with your blogging friends than those you hang out with? Do you have anyone on-line you can trust to say anything to?

Secret Sunday

I felt like I needed a cigarette after the comments in last week's round. I never know just what you guys will say, but things got a bit playful and I loved it.  So here we are.

Welcome to the third round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how this works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right to remove anything which appears to be posted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right not to remove content that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

You & I (guest post)

Every once in a while I come across a piece of writing that's so beautifully personal, so eloquently written that I have to share it.  When I first met Bella I realized befriending her would be an emotional experience, one that would pull me in all directions from the most euphoric highs to the darkest lows.  I wondered if I was ready for this, but I kept returning.  She wrote with such intensity and passion that I couldn't stay away. She moved me.

At my request Bella's agreed to let me repost this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, and that you'll find some time to pay her a visit.

My dear friend, thank you for opening the door to me and inviting me into your world.

You & I- Ingrid Michaelson

Don't you worry there my honey

We might not have any money

But we've got our love

To pay the bills

He makes me, giddy. I am a school girl, though I'm now finished. He's a prince, though his overalls are smudged, his hair is ruffled.

Maybe I think you're cute and funny

Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do

With you

If you know what I mean

He's light. His soul, is light. It is threaded with weightless love, bubbly and suspended mid-flight, throwing diamonds and sparkles everywhere. His smile weighs nothing, his heart so full, weighs nothing.

He can fly.   

Oh, you might be a bit confused,

And I might be, a little bit bruised,

But baby how we spin like no one else

We lay in bed this afternoon, giggling at nothing in particular. His laughter was soft and warm, butterflies tickling my ears. We lay, our faces centimeters apart, mouthing words to each other, barely a whisper. My hands trembling, always, though this time perhaps because I was feeling something I thought was happiness.

His fingers tracing lovely words on my arm, then bumping down my ribs, one, two, three, four...

Whispered magic; you are so beautiful.

My heart, trembling.

Let this be real.

It is both the realest, and the most impossible, thing I have ever known.

Let this be forever.

<3

I am growing smaller.

Folding into myself.

Arms small, legs thinner. Shoulders, tiny bumps that could sprout wings.

My mind has been more at peace.

Less of me to hate.

I am smaller, I feel smaller. My heart has more strength, now that there is less to work.

I smile, a little lighter.

My head is a little lighter.

I feel alive again, after laying dead for so long. Last week was a millennium. I'm awake again finally, and my parts are starting to work. I see a new colour each day, I recognise an unnoticed beauty.

I... I breathe, again.

And each breath, is like my first.

I wish you all, a thousand fresh breaths, a thousand new winds, a thousand wondrous miracles.

I hope this wind carries on, through this country, over oceans and dolphins, over seashells and trinkets, through mountains and valleys; to you.

And I hope it sweeps through you like a crystal water, rushes into your pores and releases each tension from every tiny particle within you. I hope it blows through your hair, and untangles the knots, sweeps under your feet and kisses your ankles.

This life, this feeling, this aliveness; it is a beauty we seldom see.

But I'll always wish it could last forever.

Thank you, thank you.

Your beauty, your words, your existence; it shows me loveliness, and more beauty, each day.

Don't change.

Stay.

Forever.

x

"Unforgettable" (erotica)

Your body bare and wonderful before me
Writhing exquisitely upon your lover,
Hips firm and straddled
As you slowly make love.

Room dim, the music pumps emphatically
Still you sway to your own rhythm.
Aware of my presence,
Yet oblivious
Blissfully accepting of my gaze.

Long hair cascades over your brow
Partially concealing your face,
But none of your pleasure.
Casting a sideways glance
You look deeply into me,
And at this moment we're no longer strangers.

I sweep the dark mane aside
To see the story in your eyes
Bursts of light that dance within
Fade in the sunset of your eyelids
As he moves within you.
My God you're beautiful.

You take my hand in yours
And place it on the smooth orb of your bottom
I seek out every inch of you here,
Your back, your shoulders.
Muscles tighten and release in response
As you move beneath my touch.
And upon his.

Raising yourself slightly
You silently invite me to explore the nearest breast.
I knead it, soft and warm beneath my fingers.
My arousal mounts.

Everything surrounding melts away
Leaving only our bodies, our desire.
Yet seemingly as soon as it began it's over.


Days have passed as mere seconds
And I play you continuously in my mind
Forever captivated
By this vision of you.  

Secret Sunday

As I mentioned last week, Secret Fridays have now moved to Sunday. So welcome to the second round. Here's a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how this works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right to remove anything which appears to be posted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right not to remove content that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

Q&A Continued

In which I answer questions from my blogging friends.

What is your motto?

Simple... 

Open your mind and life will reveal itself to you.

There is so much to be learned in life that people miss out on, either by being too judgemental of others or too close-minded to welcome new ideas. The biggest limitation to what we experience is what we place on ourselves.

Think of how small our immediate world is. We travel between home and work or school and visit family and friends, but most of it takes place within a short distance. This planet is almost twenty-five thousand miles around with over seven billion people; every day holds a chance to learn, to have new experiences if we choose to. It doesn't take a lot of money to discover other countries; just sit down with people of different cultures, religions and ages. This morning I learned about Diwali from a blogging friend in India. Why surf on-line for written information when you can talk with someone who lives it?

Bury your personal opinions for a while and talk to people with different sexual preferences. You'll find everyone loves, they just experience it differently. By far the most memorable conversations I have these days are on relationships. People are more than willing to reveal themselves when they know they're not being judged. I know I am.

Try new food and drink, expand your culinary palette. This afternoon I tried cream  of broccoli and cheese soup. I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but how would I know if I didn't try it? Turns out it was really good and I've discovered another food I'll enjoy for the rest of my life. Was it worth risking $1.50 for? Of course.

Never be too shy to ask when you want to know. Tonight on our shopping trip to an adult 'novelty' store I learned something new about a sex toy from a sales girl half my age. Man I love that place.

The doorway to understanding life's mysteries is through people, approach them with genuine curiosity and trustworthiness and they'll open up to you. Textbooks are fine, but I've never learned anything nearly as interesting as what I do through conversation. For me every day is unforgettable. It should be that way for everyone.

Q&A

What is the most important "thing" in your life?

  Passion. I love life, people fascinate me especially those whose lives are a lot different than mine. I'm tremendously passionate about getting to know what makes someone tick.  When they let me get to know them beneath their surface I just eat it up like candy.  It's completely exhilarating to me.

  I'm more open than ever to learning and experiencing just about anything, and not afraid to get uncomfortable doing it. I find approaching life with an aggressive curiosity and enthusiasm brings new experiences that make it incredibly rewarding. We all need to have things and people we're passionate about.


What is the most difficult situation you ever faced? Why was it difficult for you to deal with? What did you learn from it?

  Recovering from my car accident two and a half years ago was probably the most difficult situation I've ever had to deal with. Physically I recovered in a short time but emotionally I came out of it changed, a more intense version of myself. I wasn't sure what I was feeling or why. All my senses were overloaded,  I was extremely emotional and attuned to what others were going through.  I felt a huge void and questioned everything I thought I knew about myself.

  What I learned from it is that there's a reason for everything that happens in life, even if it isn't readily apparent to us at the time.  If I hadn't had that accident and felt something missing in my life as a result, I wouldn't have started my blog and reached out. And I wouldn't have met so many unbelieveable people. The void I once felt has been filled.

How do you deal with negative people?

  First I think negativity is very subjective.  The attitude you carry determines how you see others; if you're generally negative you won't notice it as much, generally happy and you'll see more negativity around you. But it's what you do with that attitude that will determine how you deal with others.  

  The hardest thing sometimes is to put yourself in another's place. People usually aren't miserable for the sake of being that way, there's usually a set of circumstances that have lead them there. I think it's important to show compassion and give people the benefit of the doubt.  But...

  ...it still doesn't mean we have to be around them. Over time negativity can wear on even the most positive person.  It's tough but sometimes we have to cut those who bring us down out of our lives, for the sake of our own mental well-being. Like a drowning person who will pull us down if we let them.  Maybe this sounds harsh, but in the same way we look after our physical health we need to look after our mental health as well, and protecting our attitude is an important part.