You & I (guest post)

Every once in a while I come across a piece of writing that's so beautifully personal, so eloquently written that I have to share it.  When I first met Bella I realized befriending her would be an emotional experience, one that would pull me in all directions from the most euphoric highs to the darkest lows.  I wondered if I was ready for this, but I kept returning.  She wrote with such intensity and passion that I couldn't stay away. She moved me.

At my request Bella's agreed to let me repost this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, and that you'll find some time to pay her a visit.

My dear friend, thank you for opening the door to me and inviting me into your world.

You & I- Ingrid Michaelson

Don't you worry there my honey

We might not have any money

But we've got our love

To pay the bills

He makes me, giddy. I am a school girl, though I'm now finished. He's a prince, though his overalls are smudged, his hair is ruffled.

Maybe I think you're cute and funny

Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do

With you

If you know what I mean

He's light. His soul, is light. It is threaded with weightless love, bubbly and suspended mid-flight, throwing diamonds and sparkles everywhere. His smile weighs nothing, his heart so full, weighs nothing.

He can fly.   

Oh, you might be a bit confused,

And I might be, a little bit bruised,

But baby how we spin like no one else

We lay in bed this afternoon, giggling at nothing in particular. His laughter was soft and warm, butterflies tickling my ears. We lay, our faces centimeters apart, mouthing words to each other, barely a whisper. My hands trembling, always, though this time perhaps because I was feeling something I thought was happiness.

His fingers tracing lovely words on my arm, then bumping down my ribs, one, two, three, four...

Whispered magic; you are so beautiful.

My heart, trembling.

Let this be real.

It is both the realest, and the most impossible, thing I have ever known.

Let this be forever.

<3

I am growing smaller.

Folding into myself.

Arms small, legs thinner. Shoulders, tiny bumps that could sprout wings.

My mind has been more at peace.

Less of me to hate.

I am smaller, I feel smaller. My heart has more strength, now that there is less to work.

I smile, a little lighter.

My head is a little lighter.

I feel alive again, after laying dead for so long. Last week was a millennium. I'm awake again finally, and my parts are starting to work. I see a new colour each day, I recognise an unnoticed beauty.

I... I breathe, again.

And each breath, is like my first.

I wish you all, a thousand fresh breaths, a thousand new winds, a thousand wondrous miracles.

I hope this wind carries on, through this country, over oceans and dolphins, over seashells and trinkets, through mountains and valleys; to you.

And I hope it sweeps through you like a crystal water, rushes into your pores and releases each tension from every tiny particle within you. I hope it blows through your hair, and untangles the knots, sweeps under your feet and kisses your ankles.

This life, this feeling, this aliveness; it is a beauty we seldom see.

But I'll always wish it could last forever.

Thank you, thank you.

Your beauty, your words, your existence; it shows me loveliness, and more beauty, each day.

Don't change.

Stay.

Forever.

x