7x7 Award (Pimptastic Edition)

A while ago the amazing Jennifer Fabulous tagged me with the 7x7 award. (I'm not sure where the pimptastic part comes in but I like it). This was a great chance to go back through the past couple years and re-read things I'd forgotten I wrote.

The way it works is, you list your top posts under these categories and then pass the award on to seven others. Simple enough. Here goes...


Most Beautiful

I would have thought my most beautiful post would have turned out to be about a woman but that wasn't the case. If You're Struggling With Something... presented the story of Nick Vujicic in his own words. Nick was born with no arms and no legs but hasn't let that stop him from leading a life more fulfilling than many more "able-bodied" people experience. He's a remarkable person, a powerful speaker and I get inspired every time I hear him.

Most Helpful

I've had great feedback from my "Greater Understanding" series. This is where I openly present real-life subjects that I feel aren't talked about enough, whenever possible through the words of people actually living these experiences instead of from just textbooks. So far I've covered depression , female orgasm , tears , anorexia , living with an alcoholic parent and self-harm. My recent post Sex and Guilt also prompted some great comments and discussions.

Most Popular    

         

Based purely on the number of views, Ink (Contains Nudity) has been my most often-read post with 5,423 hits so far, or almost 10% of my blog's overall total. Proof I guess that if you really want to be read, include something about sex or nudity. Based on the number of comments received Bloggers Over Borders (bottom) is my most popular.

Most Controversial            

Few things get people more worked up than talking about sex and relationships. In my two-part post A Foolish Heart's View Of Love , I decided to stir things up by giving my views of love, relationships and sex that are a bit outside conventional thinking (although becoming increasingly more widely accepted). The comments that resulted were just what I had hoped for.



Most Underrated

I was disappointed that Why Do I Get So Close To My Bloggers only got one comment (although I smiled when I saw who it was from). This post is kind of a behind-the-scenes look at the rewards I get from my relationships with you guys. Please go back and read it, it's lonely.


Most Surprisingly Successful

Back in December of last year my very dear friend Rasha wrote this post. It had a big impact and stayed with me ever since, recently I decided to write my own and Letter To A Younger Me was the result. I consider it surprisingly successful not because of the number of comments but in the way it hit home with some of you and the amazing things you said. I'd like to do another one in five or ten years and see how my views on life have changed.



Most Prideworthy

Bloggers Over Borders. I ran this project as an effort to bring us together internationally beyond our computer screens, and hopefully turn strangers into friends as a result. It was a massive undertaking that ended up costing me a fair amount of money, but I was prepared for it. Not everyone followed through but most did; overall it was one of the most satisfying things I've done and I consider it a success. Bloggers Over Borders created a lot of buzz and I'm thinking of doing it again in the future.



And now I pass the 7x7 award on to the following:

Bella from Fragments of Me
Celia at High Heeled Life
Jade at Blush of Dawn
Jill at Life After College
Melanie from Melanie's Randomness
Rasha at And this is what She said
and for a splash of something spicy, France at Sometimes The World Begins

A rain check goes out to Agata, Miss Always Carried Away . Perhaps when your exam is finished you'll have time to do this? I'd like that.

Secret Sunday- with a twist

Today is significant for my blog in a way. Some of you may not know that Secret Sunday actually started out on Nov 20, 2009 as Secret Fridays. The first post received a fair amount of comments and I decided to make it a regular weekly feature, it ran forty-one times before I decided to switch it to weekends. And today marks the forty-first round of Secret Sunday, for a total of eighty-two posts with no sign of slowing down.

The reason I started this feature is I felt it could help people connect, by realizing there are others who have experienced or are now going through what we have, and to show we're not alone in our thoughts. I'm happy to say that with your help I think I've been able to achieve that. Some of my blogging friends have since also decided to do their own; Rasha, who runs hers on Tuesdays and Charlotte, who also has hers on Sundays.

Before we get started, whether or not you decide to leave a secret/fantasy with me, I'm curious. What things that people write in about do you find the most interesting?

Okay, here we go.

It's time for the forty-first round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty. All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free.

As always if there's anything you want to share, I'm listening...

Bad Blogger!

I haven't visited your blogs for a while, not feeling great about that but I should have more time this weekend. Thanks to all of you who have continued to leave comments and not disowned me! I'll be by to see you soon. :)

x

Idea For a New Feature- Whaddya Think?

I'm trying this again to see what you guys think. I first posted this idea back in April of last year and got lots of positive feedback but no participation. If you think it's a good idea I'll run with it but it'll take you (yes you) to make it work.

Through talking with some of you and reading your blogs, one thing I've noticed we all seem to have in common is the wish to have more freedom to write whatever we want to. Very few of us are anonymous; we have family, friends and co-workers who read us so we tend to be very selective about what we write. I know some of you who have dozens of readers, yet there's still that one person that makes you think twice about what you say.

So, in the spirit of Secret Sunday I propose 'Free For All Fridays'. This would be a chance for you to submit anything you wish you could write about on your own blog but can't for whatever reason. I would then post it 100% anonymously if you didn't want to be identified.

This is the committment I make to you:

-I won't ask why you prefer not to write it on your own blog, or ask you to provide any further background beyond what you've given me.

-I won't censor content or change the text, it will appear as you've submitted. If for some reason I feel a strong need to make an alteration I'll ask first.

-Length of your post doesn't matter. It could be about any subject and can take the form of a true story, fantasy, poem, whatever you're in the mood for.

-Because this is going through me first, you may feel a need to hold back certain information. I understand that and wouldn't take it personally.

-Those of you who know me, know how much I honour privacy. I promise I will never reveal your name. Ever.

If you have something you'd like to reveal or get off your chest but don't want to do it on your own blog, please send it to me by e-mail at barrysquotations(at)gmail(dot)com. I'll move forward with this based on how much response I get.

Secret Sunday

Things have been a little quiet around here lately but I'm working on something, plus a major announcement. Bear with me!

It's time for the fortieth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free.

As always if there's anything you want to share, I'm listening...

Secret Sunday

We got back a short time ago from a great weekend visit with family and I realized I still needed to do this. It's time for the thirty-ninth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free.

As always if there's anything you want to share, I'm listening...

Sex and Guilt

 If talk of sexuality offends you please skip this post.

photo credit

  A girl vows to honour her faith and remain celebate until marriage, then feels remorseful after giving in to the urge to masturbate. A woman in her mid-forties finds herself attracted to a boy more than twenty five years younger, but quickly shuts down when she realizes their difference in age. A girl fantasizes about her boyfriend's best friend while she's having sex and tries to put it out of her mind. A woman confesses a sexual fantasy about an animal and wonders if there's something wrong with her.

   Something that's become very obvious to me in these conversations is there's a tremendous amount of guilt out there. I want to talk a bit about it because I believe it's not only unfounded but potentially self-destructive.

   Sexual fantasy has a huge advantage over sexual reality because we're in complete control over everything that happens.  It's our mind's playground; we're free to imagine doing anything we want with no consequences.  None. No one's affected and nobody gets hurt because we haven't actually done anything.

   So why is there so much guilt?

   It was once believed if your sex life was adequate you wouldn't need to fantasize (in 1908 Freud wrote, "a happy person never fantasizes, only a dissatisfied one.") Today the opposite is accepted. University of Vermont psychologist Harold Leitenberg, Ph.D., and South Carolina's Kris Henning, Ph.D. reported in Psychological Bulletin that people who frequently fantasize have sex more often, engage in a wider variety of erotic activities, have more partners and masturbate more frequently than people who don't fantasize often. Other studies have reached similar conclusions.

   Sexual fantasies are normal.  If you're uneasy about what's running through your mind, it's important to realize that no matter what it might be there are other people who think and feel the same. We should explore these thoughts and try to understand them rather than be fearful.       

   A few of my female friends have told me they have erotic rape fantasies**, and a couple of them have acted them out with their partners. This is not a wish for it to actually happen.  Most often these thoughts involve an attractive man whose restraint is overwhelmed by the woman's attractiveness; it feeds a want to be desired. Not surprisingly, guilt (and uneasiness) often follow.         

  Near the top of my blog is one of my favourite quotations, "If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders."  It can also be said, ""If you want to know where your desire is, look where your mind goes when it wanders." Perhaps sometimes you close your eyes and find your mind drifting to someone else while making love with your partner. Whether an old flame, a friend or the construction worker you saw earlier come to mind it's nothing to be distressed about, it happens often and is quite normal. The danger lies when the urge to make some of these desires come true becomes overpowering, or if you prefer to live in the world of these fantasies rather than with the reality of sex with your partner. If you're able to keep this in check, in most cases there's little to worry about.

   Fantasies can be good for our sex lives and relationships. They can work as an antidepressant, a way to briefly escape reality, release aggression and satisfy curiosity. Most people don't need a reason, the arousal factor is reason enough. So indulge and let your mind run wild.    



**In an erotic rape fantasy the woman is typically approached aggressively by a dominant and attractive male who is overcome with desire for her.  She feels or expresses non-consent and puts up minimal resistance, he overpowers her and takes her sexually. Her resistance is a token "no" and she enjoys the experience. It's often a common theme in romance novels. This should never be confused with less common aversive rape fantasies where a woman is forced against her will, often violently and does not enjoy the experience. The percentage of women who have experienced rape fantasies is far higher than most people believe, most study results I've seen put it somewhere between 55%-62%.

Etsy- "Lynn Elizabeth Photography"

                                                       "Tillamook Beach IV" 8x12


I've decided the time is long overdue to promote some businesses that my on-line friends are running.       


The first is Lynn Elizabeth Photography, owned by my dear friend Rebecca Hauck. Becca's first love is her two children but not far behind is a passion for photography. Much of her work involves outdoor subjects like this...

"Driftwood" 8x12

and this...

"Let's Go Adrift" 8x12

I have both hanging in my office. It's hard not to be biased when talking about someone who has become an important part of your life but these photos really are striking and I've had some great comments from people who drop in to talk to me. The subjects Becca shoots have personal meaning to her; maybe it's because I know a lot of the history behind them but I feel it shows through in her work.

"Lighthouse" 8x12

  I placed two separate orders a few weeks apart. As a business transaction things went as I had expected, a bit better actually since the photos arrived a couple days sooner than I had anticipated. Each picture came in a sturdy cardboard package with a protective covering inside, hand-signed and ready to frame.

"Tutu Black and White" 8x12

Even better than doing business with a friend is knowing they're handling it professionally and with pride. You can drop by her shop here.         

If you have an Etsy shop or other small business you're running on-line and you'd like to get a little more exposure, please drop me a line and I'll consider featuring you in an upcoming post.

Secret Sunday

Time for the thirty-eighth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.      

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free.

I'm listening...