Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Staying True to Myself...and to You

There are two types of people in this world. Those who blog and those who don't. People who choose not to claim their own little piece of the internet and put themselves out there will never understand how therapeutic and freeing it can be, despite how scary it feels sometimes. They'll never experience, especially the people closest to us in our everyday lives, the kind of acceptance and non-judgement we discover from these perfect strangers we grow to call friends.

  When I first began blogging after my car accident I revealed nothing of myself. Over the following two years I slowly rediscovered who I am and became more comfortable with what I found. I consider this a victory, because for a while I had lost some of my self-confidence and sense of self-worth. I not only pulled out of the place I was in but became what I think (and hope) is a better version of myself. On a few occasions, most recently this past weekend, I've had people I'm closest to tell me I should change the way I present myself online. That's not going to happen.

  I'm a very curious person, emotional and at times intense and I like writing about what I feel or what I find in myself or others. Once in a while I lose a reader or two (usually coinciding with a post involving sexuality). I'm fine with that; everyone has their likes and dislikes and I only want people who are comfortable with me to follow this blog. There are members of my family who won't read me for the same reason, and to be honest I prefer it that way. I think the biggest mistake someone starting a blog can make is to mention it to somebody who will eventually want to censor and mould them into something they think they should be.

 I make every effort to be open with people, I welcome different points of view and I accept those who disagree with me.  But I expect the same in return. I believe we shouldn't be afraid to be ourselves and express that to others, whether we know them or not. Some people will love us for it, some will tolerate us and some will be uncomfortable with it all. That's just life. During my time blogging I've discovered writers who are constantly uplifting, some who are negative, dark, spiritual, Aetheist, worldly, naive, and in some cases people who face significant psychological issues. I accept whatever people share with me publicly or privately, if it's something I take serious issue with I may choose not to get to know them. But I'll never expect someone to change to suit me.

And I'll never hide who I am here just to make someone feel better. Ever.


  1. Never change yourself for others, never let people, even those you love, dictate how you present yourself. You have people all over the world, in almost every continent reading this blog, because they like the way you present yourself. I find, the majority of the time, when people criticize, it's something they see in you that they dont like about themselves. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with what you're doing it means they havent had the nerve to battle their own demons. :)

  2. I love who you are! And I think it's sad that some of the people in your life that you're closest to think you should change.

    I wish I could find the kind of acceptance you've experienced and I sometimes wonder if there really are things about myself that I'm just not seeing. One has to question when you have more non-acceptance, judgement and disapproval than anything.

  3. Ever heart felt, intriguing and honest! I like!

  4. Hi love
    If you were cencsored you wouldnt be you. If they are really that lose to you they would know how you are anyway. And being honest has value above anything else. Honesty to yourself is key to all


    Xoxo Rhi

  5. This post was a long time in coming. It's like you've summed some of what I thought I knew about you so far, and done it so very neatly.

    You are a very honest person, I do not believe for one second that could ever be taken away from you either - you would never let that happen.

    This is your piece of yourself for everyone you say, but it is mainly for you. Sometimes it's difficult to express yourself in the way that you want other people to hear it - but only here do we realise that it is okay to express ourselves anyway, because there are always accepting people who will not question what you have said. I know you know that I believe you to be one of these said people. I can only truly thank you for all your patience and kindness. Without it there are things that I would never have been able to say and release from deep inside. This freeing experience is only possible when we're so comfortable (even if we're terrified!)

    The people that choose to read whenever we post - how very special they are!

    Your words have meant so much on very dark days.
    It is so very good to see you smile. You are a treasured friend.

    M x

  6. Don't ever change who you are Barry. You're a wonderful man and whoever can't see it, it's their loss. xx


  7. WONDERFUL POST!! Barry, you have perfectly worded this. It's difficult enough trying to rediscover, create one's life and themselves after a detour in life (no matter, how big or small). Of course one is going to be different after a detour, each experience in life good or bad is meant to bring us closer to understanding our purpose here on earth.

    These differences are what helps us to grow. You have a great blog! you write beautifully! and you open our minds, for at least a few moments ~ it is then up to the reader to like it or not .. BUT not to try and SENSOR it... what one may deem to not be appropriate , may very well be HELPING another ... Keep on being you my friend!! xo HHL

  8. barry this was an inspiring post!! i'm so proud of you for writing it. you know that i agree with everything you wrote and even those who do read our blogs and try to mold them to how they see fit can fuck off. it's taken me a long time to be able to say that and as you've been able to tell, more of who i really am has been able to shine through. i love your blog, your openess and your ability to give advice and also to listen.

    again, beautiful post and very well written. xoxo

  9. Thanks everyone. You guys are amazing, I wish I could express exactly how it feels to have this kind of support and encouragement. I've never given you anything but who I am and that won't change. xo