There's been too much silence here lately, words haven't flowed easily and I'm not entirely sure why. It's not that I don't want to write, there's been no great crisis in my life or anything holding me back. I've just been having a bit of a struggle thinking about what to talk about. Something, anything. If I don't start somewhere it won't happen, so I'll just start and see where it leads me.
Randomness, I like the sound of that.
In the past week two friends have sent me invites to their private blogs, which I've willingly accepted. I love the thought of having a more intimate space to write, free from the eyes of those who are closest and would profess to know what's best. That idea sounds tempting sometimes. Outside influence from other people, by the way, hasn't had any bearing on my lack of writing lately.
I think I just haven't been in that mindset. The last while has been pretty stressful, mainly at work. Throw in a pending brake job on our car that might run close to $600, plus a quote from our trusted contractor to fix the backwater valve in the basement floor ($1750) and the few weeks have been...interesting. And if I'm honest it's affected my attitude, which is unusual because I don't often let things get to me and I don't like it.
It's not like I've been walking around angry or upset all the time. I've just taken each hit as it comes, deal with it (rant and swear a bit if I need to) and move on 'til the next "surprise". But I'm human and it takes its toll sometimes.
It's funny. As I said to a very dear blogging friend a couple days ago I love listening to people tell me about what they're going through (good or bad), and I always tell them not to apologize for dumping on me because I don't see it that way. Yet when I feel I'd like to unload some of my own frustrations, worries etc. I rarely do because I don't want to bring someone else down. The same thing I encourage from others I discourage in myself. I'm extremely lucky to have those people I can say anything to and not only count on them to be a shoulder, but also to be direct with me. I love that.
My greatest source of happiness continually comes back to people, and the past weeks have been full of (mostly) online conversations about relationships.The start of something new. Or something fading. Wondering if this new guy is right or how a first date will go. How amazing is it when someone you've always looked at as having all the answers e-mails you for advice? Awesomeness. If you want to turn a bad day around for me, drop me a line to talk about some situation in your life you're struggling with and let's see what we can come up with together. These conversations are my fuel, my fire.
There will always be crap to deal with but there will always be good along with it. Things between Sandy and I are better than ever, she's shaken up her lifestyle and is looking and feeling great. My family will be together for Christmas. I've been thinking a lot about people in my life, those I'll never meet but who mean more to me than they'll ever know. If you're reading this chances are you're one of them.
Hard times don't last. People do.