Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Is Someone Trying To Tell Me Something?
Monday night I dreamed I saved someone's life. This was at least the third dream I've had like this in recent memory in which I rescue someone, always from drowning. There are usually people around, yet I seem to be the only one who goes in. In the beginning it was women I saved but recently, like the last one, it's also been men.
So in this dream the water was a deep and murky reservoir and a man on the shore told me there were four people who had gone under. After I rescued the first I tried to get the others out, I opened my eyes under water but couldn't see anything (in real life I hate opening my eyes under water; I think the chlorine stung my eyes when I was learning to swim and I never got past that feeling). The man in my dream was disappointed I didn't save them all. I know there's a tremendous amount to be read into this, I just haven't taken time to try analyzing it.
I've always had a fascination with rescuing people. When I was a very young boy I used to play with my little Hot Wheels cars in our garden, making roads and setting up emergency scenes where the police, fire department or ambulance would be called. I grew up with a firehall just down the street from us and I'd go there with my siblings and friends fairly often to visit, the guys would let us slide down the fire pole or try on boots that seemed thirty sizes too big. I developed a tremendous respect for these men and women which continues today and I instantly revert back to my childhood whenever I'm around them, as recently as a few weeks ago.
In my early twenties I put out a fire at our next-door neighbour's home. They were using gasoline on the barbecue- not a terribly smart thing to do- which spilled on the patio and was threatening to burn down the house. Shortly before this I had applied to the fire academy but wasn't accepted. Today I'm certified as a first-aider and was first on-scene at a car accident a couple years ago.
All of this seems to have progressed from a desire to help people physically to wanting to help them emotionally. There's nothing professionally that qualifies me to do this, I possess no special skills. I'm not sure why this need is so powerful in me. I often wonder if I get more from it than those I speak with; having people open up to you can be tremendously validating. The bonds that develop are incredibly rewarding.
I don't know if helping people is something I'm meant to do, if I do it more for myself or for others. It just feels right. As we head into the new year I'll continue as I always have, and search for answers. It's one of my biggest personal goals for 2011.