A Year of Your Secrets (Part Two)

Part two of my compilation of secrets and fantasies you've all shared during 2010. Again, thanks to those of you who had the courage to send me your most private thoughts...

• i wrote here that i would sleep with the guy if he wanted to. I slept with him and now i have herpes. i made the wrong decision. im an idiot and just ruined my life. people warned me about him. im so mad i didn't listen. i can't stop shaking. im so upset. i needed to write this somewhere.
• im close friends with an ex of mine... it was the hardest break up, because most often, im the one that breaks up with ex's.. not the other way around... well this ex is a HUGE flirt and always tries to hang out... the ex will randomly send pictures and invite me over, i have never gone over, but i have sent pictures back and it makes me feel horrible, because im in a relationship...
• I'm trying to love myself but all the negative things ever said is all I keep focusing on. I feel as if that is who I am even though I know I'm not a horrible person I just can't believe it because my mind is focused on the bad. I simply want to love myself again.
• I want to have sex- with a RANDOM stranger.
• I wish my birth control would fail and I would get accidently pregnant. I really want a child, but I know I won't be able to talk my parnter into it right now because of our financial situation . . . but I think that we could make it work.
• I want to go to a swinger's club with my partner. I don't want to have sex with another person or persons. I just want to watch others having sex, and have them watch us.
• I think the above comment was written by my spouse. Otherwise it's some bizarre instance of random happenstance.
• I don't know what and why I am doing this. And I don't know why I am here. Why am I here?
• A secret about me. I don't believe in signs, luck, coincidences or accidents. Everything happens for a reason and fate/destiny is something only God gets to think about.
• I want to say thank you
• I am happy with who I am with, but theres someone else, that I am close too and when im in contact with this person, I cant help but get butterflies.
• I long to have a bf who doesn't "hide" me from the world, let alone his family. Although he loves me well, I feel alone and left out.
• I speak to myself out loud because I don't think anybody would want to.
• I feel unlovable.
• I don't want to live anymore.
• It's time to get my life in order.
• I had a dream I made out with the UPS guy that comes to my job. I am so weirded out by this, that I barely talk to him now!
• sometimes i worry about all the money im paying into college, the loans I will never pay back, i wish i could just move away and just be that party girl that I never was, and everyone else gets to be instead of being the responsible one.
• i have exams after 3 weeks and i must to succeed to continue in my college..but i didn't study any fuckin' thing till now..i'm lost :(
• My life never seems to improve.
• My husband wants children but the thought of being pregnant REALLY freaks me out....like the scene in alien vs. predator where the things just rips out from the guys abdomen. I would feel like my body has been invaded!
• I know you could careless, but I love you. I love you more than you will ever know.
• I just want everything to be okay. I miss you. I wish I had better control of myself and this situation. I hope you take me with you.
• im in love with someone, but as of lately, its been getting complicated...a friend has come into my life and sometimes, I want him to be more, but then I do still love the bf.
• im an absolute disaster. i drove around today hitting my car door with my hand cuz im so mad. i love him but he threw me away. he just stopped calling and i was his best friend. i want everything to be okay but i dont know how to make it so. ive cried all day so much that im made myself sick with diaherrea because i was so upset. i wanted to have a child with you, i wanted you to be my husband one day, but you think im a cunt for disappearing. there isn't even room for me in your life. he looks so hot in his new photo, but for some fucking reason he doesn't love me. he never even gave me a chance. never once said hey we should be together. once but that was too long ago. i hate him i hate him so much i want to spit vomit in his face. fuck him. i hope hes happy. i dont think so cuz he threatens her that hell dump his new gf on facebook to her. he was like do you want me to put single? i dunno whats going on. i wish hed come back to me but im so far out of it. i hate this. i wanted to be his and its tearing me apart. i dont know what to do.
• Why does she still have that hold over me? Why can't I just let the memory of her go so that I can move on somewhere?
• I am In love with a man who doesnt love me back
• I want to travel the world, see different countries! That would be amazing!
• I want to sucessfully cook meat.
• I want a baby badly
• I'm curious about Extasy.
• I keep thinking sex could be quite good one day...
• I want to travel the world... to just meet random people, give money away, stay at strangers house...
• I'm curious about marriage! I've never done it. Never wanted to. Now, I wonder....
• My best friend is his sister in law. My Goddaughter is his Goddaughter. We see each other at family and friends social events. And while I love my husband with all my heart, he doesn't know.
• During the beginning of college, I started dating this boy... we will call him A... he was one of those typical boys, the GORGEOUS ones, but the ones that are DANGEROUS! I knew I shouldn't be with him, but oh man, I wanted him... needless to say it didnt work out, but it was a fun ride.
• 'I hate that I love you' is exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm in the middle of being with someone I shouldn't. I never was good at ending things. I'll probably wait until it destroys me no matter how much I lie to myself and everyone else.
• I knew he had a girlfriend but the sex was too good, I thought maybe he'd love me if I fucked him. It was so stupid of me. And that almost threesome I had at 5am one morning when I went to pick up this guy. I couldn't do it but we started to. One of the guys I had been sleeping with but the other I had just met. It was hot as hell but I couldn't do it. It felt wrong.
• i don't love her, but she do
• I loved him when he was engaged and then he was married. He called me the day he came back from his honeymoon. We saw one another for 15 years and I loved him without guilt or shame. He eventually divorced, but I had already moved on. I wouldn't trade loving him all those years in order to be "right" or "correct." I loved him. And that's a good thing.
• I want to try to have a three-some with 2 guys. I had a partial one and I freaked out. I want to try it again.
• It makes me feel good only for a moment, then I feel the worst....I hate that I keep doing this to myself.
• Almost 14 years of on and off. we were toxic to each other. i just couldn't get him out of my life. almost ruined a good thing over him. but i came to my senses. at least i did that right. i think i thought i could change him. what did i know. i was teenager when it all started. at least it ended years ago....
• I once kinda-sorta cheated on a boyfriend by kissing someone I was in a play with. Bad, bad decision...
• I kissed a guy at a bar while I was dating someone. It was the best kiss I've ever had and I don't really regret it even though I know it would have hurt my boyfriend.
• I had a crush in high school! I pined after my teacher like you wouldn't believe. To this day seeing him knocks the wind out of me. I'd call that a pretty good secret crush.
• I have a crush and it's bad :) I dunno what to do about it. I know its not right...
• I've had a crush for awhile now, but I feel confused and trapped in my life currently.
• I've saved myself till my wedding night for my husband. My first experience was very romantic and it was my honeymoon which made it even better and it was all I've imagined. :) A bit old school, huh? Well that was when it happened unfortunately.
• I'm 28 and a virgin. Honestly for a while I gave up on the whole thing as I just believed no-one could ever be interested in me. To an extent I still believe that...
• I'm 23 and still in the V Club. I hope my first time will be with someone I love deeply and hope it will be very romantic and passionate. I'd like us both to be virgins as well.
• I was 20, and my first time was with my amazing boyfriend, it was very scary, I remember being so nervous, (it wasn't his first) and I was still a little unsure of myself and my body... but he was amazing, romantic, and I don't think it would have better with anyone else.
• I still want him despite the fact he treats me so badly.
• I was 13, he was 16 and we were down at the lake. I really liked him but shockingly we didn't see each other after that. Boys.
• I was sixteen and he was eighteen. Although he was my first, I wasn't his. He had the candles lit and music going and everything to make it romantic... only it wasn't. I lost faith that sex could ever be romantic after that.
• In my teens and a virgin. I'm pretty proud of it though. I'm not looking to have sex for now. Shocker, right? I hope my first time is memorable, and non- regrettable. Till then, I'm waiting very patiently.
• I've only told my husband what happened with my first time.....it was unwanted. I went over to see this guy I'd hung out with a few times and we wound up on his bed kissing. He became forceful and before I knew it I was yelling at him "no" over and over but was too small and powerless (he was a big guy) to get him off me and make him stop. After I just pulled my pants back on and walked away. Never told a sole until I confided in my husband years later. Not a good "first" time and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
• I was 16, my boyfriend was 20. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and he had already had sex. I felt pressured and didn't have enough self confidence to say no. Either way, it lasted like 10 minutes. It wasn't rape, I was willing - just not fully. I disliked sex for years after that, with every other boyfriend. I've really changed in the past year though, making a concerted effort to live life on my terms, have sex when I WANT to, and now, well sex is pretty amazing.
• im afraid to graduate because im not sure where to go from there.
• I've been fantasizing a lot about doing another woman. i've done the 2 guys with me thing and wouldn't say no to doing it again. maybe a foursome with my man and another couple. i'm loving watching 2 females get it on.
• I wish I could confront the guy am seeing about the stuff I found on his phone, but how can I without him knowing I snooped!
• she love me, but i don't
• I like to see that twinge of jealousy in their eyes but I don't put up with it and quickly put them in their place. Just nice to see traces of it to know I still have them hooked...
• everytime i hold my newborn nephew, i miss having children on my own. it is a blessing to hold him. he is cutie and loves to be hug. but it breaks my heart and i cant hold back my tears. i know it is all meant to be, and there is nothing i can do about it. i am getting to old -42- and hope of having a child of my own is very little. but i still have this hope.
• This past week has been the worst week for me in quite awhile. I was so close to quitting everything. I'm hurting deeply.
• I never really thought much bout him...we were just something like part time lovers, mentally, even when we made out for the first time it didn't feel much, till the time i started thinking bout the make out.
• I think I am falling for him
• I've always had a fantasy of two certain ex-boyfriends of mine having a threesome with me. I'd give one a blowjob because he was obsessed with them and have the other fuck me from behind. They are complete opposites of each other, one blonde and one dark haired so I always thought it'd be hot. One always came fast so he would do me first then the other could finish me. It will never happen but it gets me off every time I think of it
• ive been wondering lately if i belong where i am. if the choices i am making are ones i need to be, if i should be doing something else..
• I'm still feeling like I don't quite fit where I am right now and I can't figure out how to change it.
• I wanna cheat
• I don't want my parents to know about my navel piercing.
• I have a tattoo that my parents don't know about. My dad wouldn't mind, but my mom hates tattoos. At this point, I wouldn't mind telling them about the tattoo itself, but I feel guilty/embarrassed about telling them how long I've had it in secret (3 years)!
• hmm what I would like to keep away from my parents... I did some things in the past, not very dangerous more crazy that they might not like it but I think I wouldn't like them to know that I'm a nympho... oh God I don't believe I said that aloud!!!
• In high school I smoked weed and snorted crystal meth...after high school though...never touched that stuff again! I am now in my late 20's
• I don't want my parents to know that I've gotten drunk more than once...
• I wouldn't want my parents to know, nor anyone else, that for a certain period of time my husband and I were swingers and would hook up with other married couples and singles. What a thrill.
• I'd like to know about that stuff myself...curious
• I'd like to say that my parents don't know the worst one, but they do because they asked me and I told them. For a while I wished all kinds of hideous things on myself to get me out of something that I couldn't, and they didn't want me, to say no to.
• I used to have fantasies about group sex or sex with female... now I am not sure if I still want that but I think I would be open if it happens as long as I would be single.
• I can feel pain so deeply and intensely, but not joy.
• I don't think I'm as capable as everyone gives me credit for, including myself.
• Sometimes I close my eyes real tight and pray and wish that when I open them my life will somehow be different and I will finally feel whole and content.
• I like this idea!