Secret Sunday- A Year Of Your Secrets (Part One)

 I hope you've all been enjoying your holidays.  We had an amazing Christmas Day and I'm still feeling the warmth from our visit with my family.

  For my last Secret Sunday I wanted to do a compilation of the secrets and fantasies you've all shared during 2010, so I'm presenting it in two parts. Some of it may be a bit heavy for this time of year but it's been a very significant part of my blog, and I don't want to let the year go by without acknowledging all of you who had the courage to send me your most private thoughts.  Thank you...

• For the first time in my life I am sleeping with 2 different men, during the same period, and they don't know about each other. But I'm still single.
• I have a horrible feeling I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight...
• Here is my one and major secret that I have never told anyone, I REGRET getting married, I was pushed into it. The only reason I stay is because I truly feel I have no other choice, I have to make this work and push mysefl to a better future then I will divorce this man, no questions asked, on the mean time I consider having sex with other men, all the time, it makes me crazy after all I am only 21.........
• I had an abortion last summer, because I don't have a job and I'm really young to have kids, and I feel it is the worst mistake of my life. Now I feel like I don't have the right to have them in the future.
• There are so many men in my life and they're all useless, yet I like them being around
• I get exhausted trying to make everyone else happy.
• I feel trapped in a passionless marriage... a best friend, but no passion, a great provider but no passion.
• I'm dreading Sunday...
• I have a hard time staying true to myself. I find myself changing to please others.
• I think I might be pregnant.
• I think my boyfriend is the biggest jerk in the world. I just don't tell him.
• I wish more people would depend on me and make me care after them.This way it wont be a crime if i needed attention or leaned on any one....
• I like to watch others fail. it makes me feel better
• I'm getting tired of trying to take care of myself and someone else.
• I want to make out with a girl...
• I sometimes wish I lived in Canada to be closer to you. Nothing romantic, just.. A conversation over coffee or a walk by the lake. That would make me the happiest person ever. :)
• I am in love with someone who does not love me back. He just pretended for four years. He revealed that secret to me last night.
• I think I was in an emotional abusive relationship and didn't realize it. I think he really damaged me than I even realized. This sucks.
• I want some hot, dirty, sex.
• So do I....
• My secret is that I can't stand crying in front of other people and I'll do everything in my power to bottle it up inside if that means I can avoid being vulnerable. It's silly and stupid, but I've always been that way.
• I feel so used in the situation I am currently in. I'm not sure how much more I can handle. I'm tired.
• I'd sorta like to get laid tonight
• The sweat from your body makes my heart pound.... endlessly. Just thinking of you makes me want you. Want you more every day.... in every way...
• I hate my self
• My ex boyfriend gave me herpes, its been 7 years and only one outbreak.I wish I didn't have it in my blood stream.Explaining it to my future husband is going to be hard.
• I look up to my 14 year old sister when it comes to dating and sex. She has things more together than I do.
• For once I'd like a successful date - for me that's one that gets a second date. Its a long way from the finding a fulfilling relationship business...
• I am not happy.  and I have to pretend that I am okay because everyone thinks I am this depressed boring person, and I can't take their pathetic questioning looks anymore. I am not happy at all.
• I read these posts to see how many people write about sex because I am not having sex.
• It's probably bad, but I fantasize from time to time of having sex with two men.
• while im at work I think about sex all the time. im glad he didn't get me pregnant 2 weeks ago. im glad i went and got the morning after pill when the condom broke.
• It feels as if I've known you forever. Your touch. The sweat dripping from your body when we move in motion. Motions of compassion. Compassion so real. I feel you. You're near. Near to me. I love you, forever. I don't know how to express this emotion. It's taking over my whole body. I can feel it.. I can feel it.. coming and going.. The fire of compassion coming from both of us is so unreal. It is so unreal... I love you!! It feel so real, but this is only a fantasy...
• I'm terrified of the next two weeks because if I don't get my period I don't know what I'm going to do. Fuck!
• i love 2 ladies in the same time
• I am afraid I will have to have open heart surgery. I am young. I am not unhealthy. I do not want this to happen.
• I'm really in the mood to get laid.
• You're the most amazing person, ever. I tell you that all the time but it feels cool doing it anonymously ;) xx
• I always feel misunderstood.
• I do too.
• I'm afraid to talk to my boyfriend about marriage because I'm afraid he doesn't want to marry me...
• i secretly want to have an affair so i can feel alive again....
• They love me. I know they truly do. And I have given so much of myself, but I fear that I will be rejected in the end, once again. I could not handle another broken heart at this point and time in my life. There's no way.
• I really, REALLY am in the mood for sex tonight...including sucking some cock, too!
• I wish I could fill the upcoming manager's position at work...then I could turn around and fire half of our team that contiues to harrass/insult the other hardworking individuals on the team!!!
• I have so much family responsibility right now. It is overwhelming. I wish I could run away.
• I miss what you used to be my life. Life is good right now or it's supposed to feel good, but I feel empty and alone. I dont know what to do or how to feel anymore.
• I wanna die tonight.....
• is it a crime to wish to be loved? i wish to find my soul mate and spend the rest of my life with him
• I wonder if racism would bother me as much if i was white
• I know that you just used me, but that's ok because I just used you, and you are a terrible fuck.
• I'm contemplating becoming an expatriot, but I don't think I have enough conviction.
• I'm scared that one day I'll lose my hearing.
• Honey, I love ya. But truly, it would help if you could find my vajayjay without help. At least ONCE?!
• I hate my fucking job
• I still love him. I know he rejects me, would never even see me- but today when he was down, i couldnt stop myself from reaching out to him, wishing to comfort him, and finding all love coming back.
  am i stupid or pathetic?
• I love him so much it hurts. I don't think I'll ever find someone who just made me feel complete. That day when he moved the hair from my face and fucked me awake, i had pretended to be still asleep, I fell in love with him and that was the day he fell out of love with me. I hate him so much that I scream til I ruin my voice box. He doesn't even answer my texts. I wish I could crawl into his arms and have him hold me. I want to feel him put his hands on my face again. but its gone and i want it back so bad.
• Tonight I feel like killing myself but wont.
• I'm scared to death that I can't get anywhere near my dreams, let alone make them come true.
• I am so scared to live without him. I am scared he will leave me behind. I am so frightened of living my life right now. I can't stop crying. I can only pray to God to give me serenity for whatever may come my way.
• Even suicide seems like an option.
• I want a blog award!!! The more we talk the happier I get. I have faith you wont hurt me...
• I miss him. I miss him so much and I can't even tell him. fuck.
• I may be in love with a man who is 3000 miles away
• I am in love with a man 3000 miles away!!
• I love pizza so much!
• I still love him.
• I used to date a guy that when i bit his lower lip it was like a shot of adrenaline to his dick, he would go nuts after I did it and do everything like a man who was starved for affection and had been on a deserted island for years. It was crazy.
• I dreamt of someone last night and in some weird way I feel like I hung out with him cuz he was in my dream and it made me happy. I think I need therapy.
• I just want a man to love me.
• I get irrationaly angry at women I percieve as sexual threats and men that I am attracted to.  I essentially dislike good-looking people.
• I just want everything to be okay. I want us to find our way back to each other. The more time passes, the more scared I get that we are only drifting further away.
• I just want to be happy and healthy. Boring but true.
• Everytime I think of a couple for one of my posts its always me and him. I'd write the story,but never publish the post. What if he reads it? What if he knew I still think of him?It just aint fair how he moved on, and im stuck here...feeling...dislocated
• I dreamt about you last night.  I tried to save you. You still hurt me. I still love you.  It still feels the same after more than a year.
• I think I'm feeling better b/c he's sort of back. Is he really or am I just fooling myself? At the same time Idk what I'm doing. I wonder whats going to happen? I'm trying to live in the moment with him, but its hard b/c I feel I'm neglecting the other and it's not fair. Not with everything that's happened.
• I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on. Every day is like walking on egg shells. I'm ready for the mess to be settled so "we" can be for a change. Please. I'm growing weary...
• It's been over a year. I still miss her, I still regret turning into a prize idiot. Mainly I guess because good things don't always come along, however much you wish them to.