Who Are You?

I'm a little curious (okay more than just a little) to know who's visiting right now.  If you're reading this please take a moment to drop me a comment and let me know who you are, whether we know each other or not. If you want to say something about your blog that would be great too.

Secret Sunday

Hey everyone, I hope you're enjoying your weekend. Not much new here, we're still up to our asses in snow. So if anyone has a couple airline tickets to Australia you're not using please send them my way.

On to the tenth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore I won't be posting inappropriate comments.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

The Esteem Project

          here

I rarely make generalizations, there is almost always an exception to every rule.  However as I walk the path of my life there are certain observations I've made which for me have become truths.  Truths of which no one can otherwise convince me as I've encountered them far too often to be coincidental. Today I'm talking about self-esteem and self-image. I hope we can break down some walls, even if it takes a few tears to do it. And it will, it always does.

My truth is this: almost without exception everyone struggles with a confidence or self-esteem issue at some point in their lives. 

We can debate this if you'd like but everything I've seen convinces me that more women than men fight these demons, very commonly in the form of self-image. I don't want to get side-tracked and turn this into a social commentary on the media but we know the weight they carry in influencing how people see themselves. I have a lot of words to describe how I feel about this and they're all scathing. It sickens me.

We men suffer esteem issues as well. Those who strut confidently often do so with false bravado, most guys aren't as together as they show on the outside and the ones who act most indifferent are usually the ones hurting most.  Society has come a long way over the past four decades but it still hasn't set the forum for us to share our emotions openly without seeming weak. Fortunately for me it's all I've ever known so I don't give much thought to someone's opinion of me being open with them.

All of us (myself included) experience insecurity and self-doubt at times, but for some it's all-consuming. I read something yesterday that put it very well, "There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they are the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them."  I couldn't agree with this more. I've lost track of the number of times people have told me about traumatic past experiences of abuse whether sexual, physical or verbal (which scars just as much). We can't fix people, it's not our place.  But we can ease their pain and let them know they're not alone.

If you want to feel better about yourself I believe the best place to start is by making someone else feel better about themselves first. The most amazing feeling in the world is to be told you've made a difference in someone's life.  It doesn't need to be epic, doesn't have to be life-changing, just something that makes a positive impact.  That moment could be something both of you carry for years.

So where does it start? Simply with a few kind words, spoken or written. We all have people in our lives who affect us and mean something to us.  We're also aware of some who are going through very difficult times. It just takes a couple minutes here and there to let people know how we feel about them. Sometimes it'll catch them off-guard (which isn't always a bad thing).  But I've never known anybody who didn't feel better after hearing how much they're loved, appreciated and thought of. 

A few encouraging words from a stranger can mean more than we'll ever know. I've joined a project called ItStartsWith.Us . Each week they pick someone who's hit a hard time in their life and drop a "love bomb"; in which hundreds of us leave encouraging comments. It's always unexpected, always heartwarming and the results have been pretty amazing. You can click here to find out more.

We complain about the unhappiness and negativity in the world, and while it seems a huge place it's still made up of individuals. The more people we can impact the better chance we have of affecting that thinking. We all deserve to feel better about others and ourselves. 

It starts with each new day, and it starts with us. 

Letting Go

here

The Most Annoying Songs, Like, Everrr...

                                                    here

There are a lot of songs I like, but here are some that drive me nuts. I'm sure there are many I haven't thought of yet, if I do I'll add them later or do another post. Most of you weren't born when these songs came out. Consider yourselves lucky.

Click on names in yellow and enjoy. If you can...

Kumbaya- by..unfortunately by too many people to list.   From what I know Kumbaya is another way of saying "Come by here". This song was probably induced by the same kind of acid trip that brought us Innagaddadavida (In a Garden of Eden). I believe the word Kumbaya is a Tibetan word which refers to the act of choosing to drive a spike through your eye rather than having to hear a song again. I choose the spike.

Going Up The Country- Canned Heat    Proof you don't need to be able to sing to get into the music industry. His mom must have known somebody.

Anything by Jim Nabors.  Go ahead click on his name, I dare ya.

The Holiday Season- by..I don't know and don't care.   Perfect example of an annoying Christmas song, plain and simple.

Skinamarink- Sharon, Lois and Bram   Okay, it is a kid's song. It eats into my brain because years ago I worked with a big oaf who sang it all day long. If he didn't weigh as much as my car I would have tackled him into a vat of boiling canola oil.

Having My Baby- Paul Anka    This song leads us to believe the only way to show a man you love him is to go through 40 weeks of pain and discomfort for him.

Tip Toe Through The Tulips-Tiny Tim   Are you fucking kidding me?

Anything by Josh Groban.  Sorry.  No I'm not.

Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon- Neil Diamond   Is it just me or is there an element of creepiness to this song?

I Am Woman- Helen Reddy   Cringe. The video I've linked to is very informative, gives info on domestic abuse. I highly recommend muting the song though.

Sometimes When We Touch- Dan Hill Overly sappy, even by my standards. That's pretty friggin' bad.

Anything by Il Divo

You Light Up My Life- Debbie Boone   Cheesier than the pizza I had on New Year's.

Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice   Wannabe rapper. Like Eminem minus the attitude  and talent.

Barbie Girl- Aqua   Apparently there was some acid left over after Innagaddadavida was recorded.

Achy Breaky Heart-Billy Ray Cyrus   Kill me now, I can't believe I have this stuff on my blog.

My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion    Sometimes I wish they'd sent her down with the Titanic and spared the captain.

The One-Elton John   If this were sung by someone else it probably wouldn't have made this list. But these lyrics are so formulaic and beneath him. "You're all I ever wanted, oh baby you're the one." C'mon Elton, you can do better.
 
Firework-by Katy Perry   "Oh my God" I hear you say, "a song I recognize!"  Not a bad tune, it's on this list only because I've heard it more times than I've eaten breakfast. On the upside she did kiss a girl and like it which...well...you probably know how I feel about that.

Late entry...anything by Abba except 'Waterloo' and 'Knowing Me Knowing You'.

Life vs Living

I intended to write about something light-hearted today. But as I left the bank this afternoon I heard bagpipes on the radio and the tone of my day changed completely.

The song was "Amazing Grace". It was being played just as Sgt. Ryan Russell, a 35 year old Toronto police officer killed last week in the line of duty, was being lowered into the ground. He leaves behind a wife and very young son. And as the body of this man was being laid to rest in the ground on this cold and rainy winter day, I was walking around with my troubles big and small. But I was alive. Although this man should be honoured, my post isn't about him specifically. It's about life and living it.

We'll never be younger than we are right now. So just what is it that we plan to do that makes a difference when we're a day older tomorrow? Life is a buffet and this year I vowed I'd eat more from it. I've never been ruled by fear but I want to be even less apprehensive of anything new, and I'm in the midst of doing several things that either scare me or that I've never done before. All of this and more will appear on my blogs in one way or another over the next several months.

My mind is completely open to everything around me and I want to approach it all with renewed curiosity, wonder, and enthusiasm. I don’t see a reason to say no to anything that will serve to expand my life’s experiences; after all, who wants to look back and wish they had tried more things and seized more opportunities when they came along? I certainly don’t.

There’s so much that will reveal itself when we open our eyes and minds to exploring them. If we stop to look at what's holding us back from going after what we want in life, I think we'll find what's standing in our way most is ourselves. I hope we can all get past that.

Because in the end the only thing that separates someone who’s passed from one who’s holding back in life, is a heartbeat.

Secret Sunday

Hey everyone, hope you've been having a great weekend. We've been getting a fair amount of snow here recently, so if you want any let me know. I'll gladly send it your way.

Welcome to the ninth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate comments will not be posted.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

A New Blog Is Born (this should be interesting...)

After turning my Glass Wall blog into strictly an archive of my writing I've been able to reallocate that time into a new, additional site.  The Secret Garden is a place where I'm finally able to feature all the things I want to here but don't, as I've been concerned it would change the direction of this blog.

The new site is adult-oriented, so to my younger readers please exercise discretion. Topics covered will be secrets, fantasies and stories (real or fictional, no doubt with a heavy sprinkling of erotica). I'm also looking for submissions about anything you're going through that you'd like people to understand (eating disorders, addictions, depression etc.).

There will be very little censorship at The Secret Garden, plenty of text and photos to get your mind and heart racing (I have a good idea of what works for many of you). I hope you'll consider following me there and remember, anything you choose to submit will be kept 100% anonymous. Any of you who know me well enough realize how much I value trust and privacy.

See you there!

Never Thought I'd Write A Country Song

      here

I've always felt it's important to live in the moment and look to the future with hope and excitement. But I also think it's good to look at the meaningful moments in our past that have helped influence who we are. I've been reflecting on the year that was, about events and people that had an impact on me and some of them stand out very clearly.

One of them is Becca from Only A Mama Knows. She's been raising two young children full-time, not an easy job as some of you know. Sandy and I don't have kids of our own and have always been happy with our decision, still there's something I've been able to relate to in Becca. Our friendship developed quickly and over time she helped me understand what it means to hold a child in your heart. After following along each day I grew to feel that if Sandy and I had chosen to have children, I'd be happy to be the parents that she and her husband Sam are. I think we would.

Recently Becca introduced me to some songs I hadn't heard before. One of them is a 'new country' song called All The Good Ones Are Gone by Pam Tillis. I'll put on a country song once in a while if the mood strikes me but as a rule I don't listen to it. For some reason I couldn't get this song out of my head and, on seeing the moon low over the highway on the drive home one night, found myself writing lyrics to a song that came to mind. This is the result, I'm leaving it untitled for now.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Creeping silent through your window,

Casts shadows on your body

As you lie beside your man,

Mind wanders back to eighteen

When things were free and easy,

Never wanted to be alone

Now you wonder if you can.

And the sun sets on the county

Busy day is lost to mem’ry

But the fireflies that light the skies

Will help you find your way,

A heart that beats in lifetimes

Just breathes to love somebody

The wind will whisper out your name

See you through another day.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Dancing low upon the treetops

Paints shadows on the porch swing

Where you rocked your baby boy,

Were just a young girl that day

When you found you’d have a family

Singing Kenny Loggins

To the one who brought you joy.

And the sun’s set on the county

Your girl’s smile shinin’ like diamonds

The fireflies that fill her eyes

Let you know you’re not alone,

A heart that beats in lifetimes

Just breathes to love somebody

With tiny hand held tight in yours

She’ll always find her way back home.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Creeping silent through your window,

Casts shadows on your body

As you lie beside your man…

When Buying Deodorant Becomes A Game of Charades

There's something I enjoy about meeting someone from a different culture. I have relationships with people from just about every part of the world and, although I jokingly play around with accents, I'm truly interested in learning about various ethnic backgrounds.  I do my best to understand and communicate with people regardless of how difficult it may be. But...when I'm short on time things can get interesting.

Here's the story. 

A while ago I had to rush out after work to catch a train as I was meeting Sandy and one of her female co-workers downtown for dinner.  Something which I certainly didn't want to miss because...well...let's just say the testosterone-fueled parts of me had been looking forward to this for some time.

I had brought a change of clothes to work which I put on after washing and freshening-up.  As I eagerly headed towards the train station I realized to my horror that I had forgotten to give myself a fresh application of deodorant. This simply would not do.

I knew along the way there would be a couple convenience stores, I just wasn't sure where they were. I was in the thick of rush hour, and not really being able to slow down amongst the constant flow of traffic I pulled into a location where I thought I'd find a store.  Naturally when I found one it was on the opposite side of where I was, in the most inconvenient of locations to get to.

So much for convenience.

You know those movies where a baby, or a frog, or a drunken man is walking obliviously across a busy street with cars whizzing by in all directions and miraculously avoids getting smushed?  That was kinda me.  I pick a moment amongst all this automotive insanity to make the most illegal of moves and pull in to my destination. This is where the real adventure begins.

Having no time to scout out what I'm looking for I make a beeline for the shop owner.

Me: "Hi, do you sell deodorant?"

Him:

Me: "Do you have any deodorant?  You know..deodorant?"

Okay either God is testing me or there's a hidden camera somewhere. Switching tactics now, periscope down. Go into visual mode.

Me: "Deodorant.  De-o-dor-ant." Holding my nose between my fingers and scrunching up my face like I'd just sucked on a lemon. "Eww, yucky, stinky.  Phew!"

This guy seems nice enough but it's like trying to discuss existentialism with a hamster. I begin frantically fanning my under my arms. Had there been the slightest crosswind I swear I would have become airborne.

Still nothing.

Suddenly I spot my target on a shelf halfway down the store. In one quick gracefully smooth movement I speed down the aisle, round the corner and sweep up the container in my hand. I place it on the counter.  Surely my work is done.  Surely he'll just ring it through, like the thousands of people who had come before him had. But it wasn't to be. He gazes down to study the object, much the same as Horatio Cain would in an episode of CSI Miami.  Except this guy isn't wearing impossibly dark glasses. It's like he's never seen something like this before.

Him: "How you say? So I know what to call."

Gotta at least give him credit right?

Me: "Deodorant."

Him: "Deeeooooo......"

Finally we almost seem to connect, to share a moment. He seems to understand. It's touching really, almost brings a tear of joy to my eye. But there's no time for celebration. I pay, and with a quick smile and a thank you I'm outta there.

I throw open the door and blow past a group of homies outside, fully prepared for an altercation and ready to say something like, "Look mofo I'm meeting two honeys downtown, I had a traumatic deodorant experience and I'm late for my train so back the fuck off!" But they pay me no attention and before I know it I'm in my car. Looking back it's quite clear that any coolness factor I may have had pretty much disappeared...as I applied the deodorant in the car. I don't ever recall seeing Chuck Norris or Steven Segal putting on Speed Stick before kicking someone's ass, do you? 

In the end I made my train with a few minutes to spare and my armpits smelled wonderful. And I always make sure I have a spare.

Secret Sunday

I love this time of the week. Welcome to the eighth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate comments will not be posted.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

A Foolish Heart's View of Love (Part Two)

here

"Love is friendship set on fire."

-Jeremy Taylor

  We all find what works for us within our relationships. What I'm going to say might challenge some of your views and while I don't intend to personally explore everything covered here, I don't judge those whose pursuit of love falls outside accepted social norms. The dynamics of many types of relationships has changed over the past several decades. Just as the traditional family unit with stay-at-home mom has become the exception rather than the rule, the parameters of romantic relationships have changed.  And along with it, I believe, the way we define and express love. Exactly how we express it is up to each of us to decide; so many boundaries have been pushed that what was once black and white has shifted into many subtle shades of gray.

Love's Many Flavours

  What comes to mind when you hear the word love? For me as with most of us it's in the romantic sense, arguably the most intense of all feelings. There's fierce loyalty that often accompanies familial love (feelings toward family members) and platonic love as felt for friends, same-sex or otherwise. (One buddy and I always demonstrate this as an "I love you man", in the most innocuous of ways). But we know we both mean it.

  Very common for me is a feeling of fondness and affection, towards female friends on-line or otherwise. While I recognize these as friendships I also don't treat them the same way as I would with my male friends; before ever meeting me a female friend was a woman first, and remains so. It's impossible for me to ignore this, and as a result my language is completely different than with men. While I express affection more comfortably I also find myself closely weighing every word I speak or write. Male-female friendships are incredibly rewarding, but require more conscious thought for one who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Spreading The Love

  Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Absolutely. Equally? Yes. It's been said the heart doesn't divide, it multiplies. I fully agree with this and believe the heart has an infinite capacity to love. Looking at it as a whole, having feelings for another doesn't take any amount of love away from your partner. Love's a flame, which doesn't diminish in size or intensity when it's passed on. It is a constant, it's our perception of circumstances that will change the way we feel about it.

  Some people have more than one long-term romantic partner at once and this arrangement works very well, as evidenced in the increasing popularity of polygamy and polyamourous relationships, both of which require full consent and acceptance from each partner. This isn't for me, although I find the whole thing quite interesting. Fortunately during the course of my marriage I've never loved anyone with the intensity in which I love Sandy, I couldn't imagine loving two people at the same time and having to make that choice. Some people don't choose, which leads me to the next topic. Affairs.

Torn Between Two Lovers

  Most of us will agree that affairs are wrong. I don't argue this. This past year two people have allowed me a very intimate look into their affairs and I've learned that things aren't as black and white as they appear to outsiders. I have a better understanding of the emotions and thinking involved; I understand how it's possible to love two people and be emotionally torn when each brings very different things into your life. I acknowledge the destruction that an affair can bring with it but while I still feel it's fundamentally wrong I'm far less judgemental than I used to be.

Love Thy Neighbour

  I'm going to turn to the subject of sex for a bit ("No way Barry," I hear you say. "What are the chances of YOU talking about sex?") This time 'round though it's not sex for its own sake, but within the context of a loving relationship. I think the majority of us view physical intimacy as an expression of love between two people, so let me complicate things here a little and spin a scenario for you.

  You're in a great relationship with your partner.  You both agree you're satisfied emotionally, there's no love lacking between you and you feel no need to search for it elsewhere.  Pillow talk of shared fantasies leads to the discovery of a mutual decision to invite another into your bed.

  So let me ask you...does a willingness to share your partner with another, if only for an evening, demonstrate love for him/her or a lack of caring? To my mind, this is perhaps the ultimate expression of selflessness within a healthy relationship. (I differentiate between a situation such as this and one in which it's done to comensate for something lacking between you).

  Some have told me they'd never share their partner with another, the reluctance of which to me is completely understandable. I've also talked at length with many who have enjoyed a tryst such as this, those who plan to and some who dream it but aren't sure they'd ever follow through.  All are in loving relationships, the vast majority who have participated said that (despite the potential harm) it's strengthened their bond. Is this an expression of love when done to please your partner?  That depends on your view, I believe there's no definite right or wrong and I'd love to hear your answer.

In Closing

  Before you begin wondering if I cling to any traditional beliefs at all, let me say this. I believe there's nothing greater than love. I believe that two people (regardless of gender), brought together to share one heart are an unstoppable force. I believe in sappy cards, romantic poetry, candlelight baths and moonlit walks. I believe in losing yourself in someone as long as you don't lose who you are when you're with them. And I believe when you hold someone in your heart, with you in theirs, you can get through anything. This for me will never change.

A Foolish Heart's View of Love (Part One)

here

"You are what you love, not what loves you."

If you've been following along with me for any length of time you'll know that I'm generally a big mushy sap. Most of my poetry and short stories (as well as many blog posts) revolve around relationships, emotional and physical attractions and love. Yet after all this time I realize I've never shared my views of what I think love is. Some of it may come as a surprise to you, because while there are many things I romanticize I also don't cling to some commonly-held notions. I will say one thing, love is incredibly complex. I'll break this down and hope I'm not too random with it all...


Love at first sight

As much as I Iike the idea I don't believe in love at first sight. The notion that you can love someone with just a look doesn't compute for me; other than physical appearance what are these feelings based on? Physical attraction, lust and everything related is delicious but it's not love. Now, if you were to see someone showing kindness to a child or rescuing a puppy from a burning building (or better yet rescuing a child with a puppy from a burning building) and it moved you emotionally then yes, I could understand how it could stir something inside you. But is it real love? I don't think so.


Soulmates

Again not so much. Maybe there really is such a thing as a soulmate for each of us, but in a world of almost seven billion people what are the chances of finding that person? While I completely agree many of us find a partner who seems perfectly suited, are they the only one in the entire human race for us? And if we have found our soulmate, why is it they're almost always placed geographically close to us and not on the other side of the world?  I love the romantic notion of soulmates, I really do, but the realist in me has a hard time buying into it.


Platonic friends

It's been said a million times that men and women can't just be friends; sooner or later one of them will want something more. I don't agree it applies all of the time, but I also know it's happened a million times. Make that a billion. As far as on-line friendships are concerned maybe it's a bit different having the physical closeness removed, because although I've developed some close relationships with my blogging friends and in some cases we've admitted a fondness for each other, we keep our friendships in check. They're very caring and mean the world to me, but they're not romantic.

At the same time I've never felt threatened when friends have expressed romantic or sexual feelings, if anything it's flattering. I've never been too concerned about it, because in the end it won't lead to anything further unless those feelings are reciprocated. Before I met Sandy there was one particular female friend whom I used to hang out with. She was a lot of fun, very cultured and intelligent. I wasn't attracted to her beyond this, but she felt something for me. I knew it, her best friend pointed it out, my circle of friends said so. But she denied it.

When Sandy came into the picture she picked up on it right away. From my point of view the dynamic of my relationship with this girl hadn't changed, I had romantic feelings for Sandy and we dated exclusively.  My friendship continued but... she continued to deny how she felt. Sandy felt threatened by this, and rightly so because she couldn't trust her intentions. I can't recall the circumstances but within a short time that friendship faded. I wasn't blind to the fact that their views of this situation were far different than mine.

 
Friends with benefits
 
Has nothing to do with love, I'm just including it here because..God...I wish I'd had more of it when I was single.
 
 
Being "in love" vs. loving

After all this time I'm only beginning to understand the difference, I've always had a hard time defining it. I'm going to keep this part short because honestly I'm still unsure. How do you differentiate between being "in love" with someone vs. loving them?


Next...is there enough for everyone?

My New Year's Non-Resolution Resolutions

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. Not that I don't believe in them, they're just not really for me. But over the past week I've realized there are some things I'd like to do this year, so I've come up with a list.  In no particular order...

• take a digital photography course (I learn much better being shown something than reading a manual)
• write more poetry and stories, and complete unfinished pieces
• strengthen relationships and build new ones
• be more curious about people (if that's even possible)
• be more free with asking or answering the bolder questions
• expand my knowledge and experiences in all areas of my life; socially, culturally, intellectually, sexually, philosophically, spiritually
• work out more regularly
• get back to building models (I've been doing this as a hobby since I was nine)
• get more exposure to people of different cultures and lifestyles
• push myself to finish my book and give the printer a call
• post more often
• comment more often on other blogs, make an attempt to respond to all comments on mine (I feel really guilty when I don't!!)
• write more erotica and humour
• write posts which are more revealing, personal and easier to relate to
• make this blog more interactive, involve my readers more
• write more hand-written letters
• keep up with personal studies of Psychology, Human Sexuality and Sociology

From day one I've written this blog with my readers in mind, it's as much about you as it is me. If there's anything you'd like me to write about, regardless of subject matter please let me know. I may not take every suggestion but I'll consider them all.

The Funniest Blog Post I've Ever Read- "The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas"

                             Image by Allie Brosh, "Hyperbole and a Half". Dec 21, 2010.

 I laughed so hard reading this I was in tears, and I knew I had to share it with you guys. It's from a blog called "Hyperbole and a Half", created by Allie Brosh. The post is epic with lots of drawings, and tells the story of her attempt to act out the birth of Jesus with her family when she was a little girl. Click on the link below and let me know what you think...

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html

Secret Sunday

God I love this picture

The holidays were a nice break but it's good to get things back on track again. Welcome to the seventh round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate remarks will not be shown.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

Happy New Year!! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ♪♫•*¨

Hey, you had to know it was coming! :)

Hope you had a great time and aren't nursing a hangover as you read this. Here's how our New Year's celebration played out.

Sandy always wanted to see what a goatee would look like on me so I started growing one a few days ago while I was on holidays. We weren't crazy about it. I didn't like the gray, it made me look like some guy in his forties (wink) and that simply would not do. Sandy didn't like the way it felt against her skin, so I shaved it off.  What do you think of the look?...

We stayed in for the night, just the two of us.  Ordered pizza for dinner, there's a small place up the street that makes the best pizza we've ever had. They're the only ones we go to when we're in the mood for it...

Washed it down with this...

Started watching a movie on TV...

While we munched on this...

And washed it down with some of this...

Stopped the movie to play with some of our toys...

Caught the final few seconds of the New Year's countdown. Either they set off fireworks here or City Hall just exploded....

Stayed up until about 3am and got up at 10:30.  Sandy did some cinnamon buns in the oven...

We had some fruit salad which she made earlier...

And her world-famous latte (this stuff's amazing!)...

Last night I dreamt I shot someone who took a hostage. I have very interesting dreams.

So...what did you do for New Year's?

What Was, What Shall Be

2010 was a whirlwind. Life opened itself to me and revealed some amazing new experiences, knowledge, new and strengthened friendships.  I let go of something from my past and embraced my present. My biggest constant throughout the year was Sandy.  She's provided me with infinite encouragement; anything I've dreamed, everything I've done or wanted to explore she's supported. She's been my voice of reason but also my inspiration to reach out and stretch.  My life wouldn't be as rich without her in it and I love her with everything I have.

And then there's all of you.  This year I grew to realize the power of conversation and there was lots of it, often very heavy. Confessions of holding onto the night, hoping to make it through. Fantasies flirtatious or imagined. Heartbreak, self-loathing and hope. Tales of forbidden affairs, sexual adventures that sent my mind and heart racing. Uncertainty, desparation, trying to decide just where you fit in to it all. Passions for life expressed through words so fiery and eloquent they stole my breath away.

Words when spoken with conviction, sincerity and compassion can breathe life into those they reach.  Never have I had more genuinely amazing things said to me by so many in so short a time.  From the teenage girl longing to be thin who questions her beauty yet whose words reveal a lovely soul, to the young woman who's helped me realize what it is to hold a child in your heart.  To the one I've only begun to know, whose words pour off the page like birds set free to soar. I've grown to know many extraordinary people.

I’ve learned from those less than half my age; some of you have a wisdom and intensity that belies your years. I don’t know where you draw it from but it’s something that never ceases to disarm me. Every one of you reading has impacted my life and the truth is, in a very real way, I've fallen in love with you guys.
 
The coming months are a blank canvas. Each person we encounter, whether friend or stranger, will leave their own unique brushstroke. I'm looking forward to seeing what the days paint for all of us.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!

xo

Is Someone Trying To Tell Me Something?

Monday night I dreamed I saved someone's life. This was at least the third dream I've had like this in recent memory in which I rescue someone, always from drowning. There are usually people around, yet I seem to be the only one who goes in. In the beginning it was women I saved but recently, like the last one, it's also been men.

So in this dream the water was a deep and murky reservoir and a man on the shore told me there were four people who had gone under. After I rescued the first I tried to get the others out, I opened my eyes under water but couldn't see anything (in real life I hate opening my eyes under water; I think the chlorine stung my eyes when I was learning to swim and I never got past that feeling). The man in my dream was disappointed I didn't save them all. I know there's a tremendous amount to be read into this, I just haven't taken time to try analyzing it.

I've always had a fascination with rescuing people. When I was a very young boy I used to play with my little Hot Wheels cars in our garden, making roads and setting up emergency scenes where the police, fire department or ambulance would be called. I grew up with a firehall just down the street from us and I'd go there with my siblings and friends fairly often to visit, the guys would let us slide down the fire pole or try on boots that seemed thirty sizes too big. I developed a tremendous respect for these men and women which continues today and I instantly revert back to my childhood whenever I'm around them, as recently as a few weeks ago.

In my early twenties I put out a fire at our next-door neighbour's home. They were using gasoline on the barbecue- not a terribly smart thing to do- which spilled on the patio and was threatening to burn down the house. Shortly before this I had applied to the fire academy but wasn't accepted. Today I'm certified as a first-aider and was first on-scene at a car accident a couple years ago.

All of this seems to have progressed from a desire to help people physically to wanting to help them emotionally. There's nothing professionally that qualifies me to do this, I possess no special skills. I'm not sure why this need is so powerful in me. I often wonder if I get more from it than those I speak with; having people open up to you can be tremendously validating. The bonds that develop are incredibly rewarding.

I don't know if helping people is something I'm meant to do, if I do it more for myself or for others. It just feels right. As we head into the new year I'll continue as I always have, and search for answers. It's one of my biggest personal goals for 2011.

A Year of Your Secrets (Part Two)

Part two of my compilation of secrets and fantasies you've all shared during 2010. Again, thanks to those of you who had the courage to send me your most private thoughts...

• i wrote here that i would sleep with the guy if he wanted to. I slept with him and now i have herpes. i made the wrong decision. im an idiot and just ruined my life. people warned me about him. im so mad i didn't listen. i can't stop shaking. im so upset. i needed to write this somewhere.
• im close friends with an ex of mine... it was the hardest break up, because most often, im the one that breaks up with ex's.. not the other way around... well this ex is a HUGE flirt and always tries to hang out... the ex will randomly send pictures and invite me over, i have never gone over, but i have sent pictures back and it makes me feel horrible, because im in a relationship...
• I'm trying to love myself but all the negative things ever said is all I keep focusing on. I feel as if that is who I am even though I know I'm not a horrible person I just can't believe it because my mind is focused on the bad. I simply want to love myself again.
• I want to have sex- with a RANDOM stranger.
• I wish my birth control would fail and I would get accidently pregnant. I really want a child, but I know I won't be able to talk my parnter into it right now because of our financial situation . . . but I think that we could make it work.
• I want to go to a swinger's club with my partner. I don't want to have sex with another person or persons. I just want to watch others having sex, and have them watch us.
• I think the above comment was written by my spouse. Otherwise it's some bizarre instance of random happenstance.
• I don't know what and why I am doing this. And I don't know why I am here. Why am I here?
• A secret about me. I don't believe in signs, luck, coincidences or accidents. Everything happens for a reason and fate/destiny is something only God gets to think about.
• I want to say thank you
• I am happy with who I am with, but theres someone else, that I am close too and when im in contact with this person, I cant help but get butterflies.
• I long to have a bf who doesn't "hide" me from the world, let alone his family. Although he loves me well, I feel alone and left out.
• I speak to myself out loud because I don't think anybody would want to.
• I feel unlovable.
• I don't want to live anymore.
• It's time to get my life in order.
• I had a dream I made out with the UPS guy that comes to my job. I am so weirded out by this, that I barely talk to him now!
• sometimes i worry about all the money im paying into college, the loans I will never pay back, i wish i could just move away and just be that party girl that I never was, and everyone else gets to be instead of being the responsible one.
• i have exams after 3 weeks and i must to succeed to continue in my college..but i didn't study any fuckin' thing till now..i'm lost :(
• My life never seems to improve.
• My husband wants children but the thought of being pregnant REALLY freaks me out....like the scene in alien vs. predator where the things just rips out from the guys abdomen. I would feel like my body has been invaded!
• I know you could careless, but I love you. I love you more than you will ever know.
• I just want everything to be okay. I miss you. I wish I had better control of myself and this situation. I hope you take me with you.
• im in love with someone, but as of lately, its been getting complicated...a friend has come into my life and sometimes, I want him to be more, but then I do still love the bf.
• im an absolute disaster. i drove around today hitting my car door with my hand cuz im so mad. i love him but he threw me away. he just stopped calling and i was his best friend. i want everything to be okay but i dont know how to make it so. ive cried all day so much that im made myself sick with diaherrea because i was so upset. i wanted to have a child with you, i wanted you to be my husband one day, but you think im a cunt for disappearing. there isn't even room for me in your life. he looks so hot in his new photo, but for some fucking reason he doesn't love me. he never even gave me a chance. never once said hey we should be together. once but that was too long ago. i hate him i hate him so much i want to spit vomit in his face. fuck him. i hope hes happy. i dont think so cuz he threatens her that hell dump his new gf on facebook to her. he was like do you want me to put single? i dunno whats going on. i wish hed come back to me but im so far out of it. i hate this. i wanted to be his and its tearing me apart. i dont know what to do.
• Why does she still have that hold over me? Why can't I just let the memory of her go so that I can move on somewhere?
• I am In love with a man who doesnt love me back
• I want to travel the world, see different countries! That would be amazing!
• I want to sucessfully cook meat.
• I want a baby badly
• I'm curious about Extasy.
• I keep thinking sex could be quite good one day...
• I want to travel the world... to just meet random people, give money away, stay at strangers house...
• I'm curious about marriage! I've never done it. Never wanted to. Now, I wonder....
• My best friend is his sister in law. My Goddaughter is his Goddaughter. We see each other at family and friends social events. And while I love my husband with all my heart, he doesn't know.
• During the beginning of college, I started dating this boy... we will call him A... he was one of those typical boys, the GORGEOUS ones, but the ones that are DANGEROUS! I knew I shouldn't be with him, but oh man, I wanted him... needless to say it didnt work out, but it was a fun ride.
• 'I hate that I love you' is exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm in the middle of being with someone I shouldn't. I never was good at ending things. I'll probably wait until it destroys me no matter how much I lie to myself and everyone else.
• I knew he had a girlfriend but the sex was too good, I thought maybe he'd love me if I fucked him. It was so stupid of me. And that almost threesome I had at 5am one morning when I went to pick up this guy. I couldn't do it but we started to. One of the guys I had been sleeping with but the other I had just met. It was hot as hell but I couldn't do it. It felt wrong.
• i don't love her, but she do
• I loved him when he was engaged and then he was married. He called me the day he came back from his honeymoon. We saw one another for 15 years and I loved him without guilt or shame. He eventually divorced, but I had already moved on. I wouldn't trade loving him all those years in order to be "right" or "correct." I loved him. And that's a good thing.
• I want to try to have a three-some with 2 guys. I had a partial one and I freaked out. I want to try it again.
• It makes me feel good only for a moment, then I feel the worst....I hate that I keep doing this to myself.
• Almost 14 years of on and off. we were toxic to each other. i just couldn't get him out of my life. almost ruined a good thing over him. but i came to my senses. at least i did that right. i think i thought i could change him. what did i know. i was teenager when it all started. at least it ended years ago....
• I once kinda-sorta cheated on a boyfriend by kissing someone I was in a play with. Bad, bad decision...
• I kissed a guy at a bar while I was dating someone. It was the best kiss I've ever had and I don't really regret it even though I know it would have hurt my boyfriend.
• I had a crush in high school! I pined after my teacher like you wouldn't believe. To this day seeing him knocks the wind out of me. I'd call that a pretty good secret crush.
• I have a crush and it's bad :) I dunno what to do about it. I know its not right...
• I've had a crush for awhile now, but I feel confused and trapped in my life currently.
• I've saved myself till my wedding night for my husband. My first experience was very romantic and it was my honeymoon which made it even better and it was all I've imagined. :) A bit old school, huh? Well that was when it happened unfortunately.
• I'm 28 and a virgin. Honestly for a while I gave up on the whole thing as I just believed no-one could ever be interested in me. To an extent I still believe that...
• I'm 23 and still in the V Club. I hope my first time will be with someone I love deeply and hope it will be very romantic and passionate. I'd like us both to be virgins as well.
• I was 20, and my first time was with my amazing boyfriend, it was very scary, I remember being so nervous, (it wasn't his first) and I was still a little unsure of myself and my body... but he was amazing, romantic, and I don't think it would have better with anyone else.
• I still want him despite the fact he treats me so badly.
• I was 13, he was 16 and we were down at the lake. I really liked him but shockingly we didn't see each other after that. Boys.
• I was sixteen and he was eighteen. Although he was my first, I wasn't his. He had the candles lit and music going and everything to make it romantic... only it wasn't. I lost faith that sex could ever be romantic after that.
• In my teens and a virgin. I'm pretty proud of it though. I'm not looking to have sex for now. Shocker, right? I hope my first time is memorable, and non- regrettable. Till then, I'm waiting very patiently.
• I've only told my husband what happened with my first time.....it was unwanted. I went over to see this guy I'd hung out with a few times and we wound up on his bed kissing. He became forceful and before I knew it I was yelling at him "no" over and over but was too small and powerless (he was a big guy) to get him off me and make him stop. After I just pulled my pants back on and walked away. Never told a sole until I confided in my husband years later. Not a good "first" time and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
• I was 16, my boyfriend was 20. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and he had already had sex. I felt pressured and didn't have enough self confidence to say no. Either way, it lasted like 10 minutes. It wasn't rape, I was willing - just not fully. I disliked sex for years after that, with every other boyfriend. I've really changed in the past year though, making a concerted effort to live life on my terms, have sex when I WANT to, and now, well sex is pretty amazing.
• im afraid to graduate because im not sure where to go from there.
• I've been fantasizing a lot about doing another woman. i've done the 2 guys with me thing and wouldn't say no to doing it again. maybe a foursome with my man and another couple. i'm loving watching 2 females get it on.
• I wish I could confront the guy am seeing about the stuff I found on his phone, but how can I without him knowing I snooped!
• she love me, but i don't
• I like to see that twinge of jealousy in their eyes but I don't put up with it and quickly put them in their place. Just nice to see traces of it to know I still have them hooked...
• everytime i hold my newborn nephew, i miss having children on my own. it is a blessing to hold him. he is cutie and loves to be hug. but it breaks my heart and i cant hold back my tears. i know it is all meant to be, and there is nothing i can do about it. i am getting to old -42- and hope of having a child of my own is very little. but i still have this hope.
• This past week has been the worst week for me in quite awhile. I was so close to quitting everything. I'm hurting deeply.
• I never really thought much bout him...we were just something like part time lovers, mentally, even when we made out for the first time it didn't feel much, till the time i started thinking bout the make out.
• I think I am falling for him
• I've always had a fantasy of two certain ex-boyfriends of mine having a threesome with me. I'd give one a blowjob because he was obsessed with them and have the other fuck me from behind. They are complete opposites of each other, one blonde and one dark haired so I always thought it'd be hot. One always came fast so he would do me first then the other could finish me. It will never happen but it gets me off every time I think of it
• ive been wondering lately if i belong where i am. if the choices i am making are ones i need to be, if i should be doing something else..
• I'm still feeling like I don't quite fit where I am right now and I can't figure out how to change it.
• I wanna cheat
• I don't want my parents to know about my navel piercing.
• I have a tattoo that my parents don't know about. My dad wouldn't mind, but my mom hates tattoos. At this point, I wouldn't mind telling them about the tattoo itself, but I feel guilty/embarrassed about telling them how long I've had it in secret (3 years)!
• hmm what I would like to keep away from my parents... I did some things in the past, not very dangerous more crazy that they might not like it but I think I wouldn't like them to know that I'm a nympho... oh God I don't believe I said that aloud!!!
• In high school I smoked weed and snorted crystal meth...after high school though...never touched that stuff again! I am now in my late 20's
• I don't want my parents to know that I've gotten drunk more than once...
• I wouldn't want my parents to know, nor anyone else, that for a certain period of time my husband and I were swingers and would hook up with other married couples and singles. What a thrill.
• I'd like to know about that stuff myself...curious
• I'd like to say that my parents don't know the worst one, but they do because they asked me and I told them. For a while I wished all kinds of hideous things on myself to get me out of something that I couldn't, and they didn't want me, to say no to.
• I used to have fantasies about group sex or sex with female... now I am not sure if I still want that but I think I would be open if it happens as long as I would be single.
• I can feel pain so deeply and intensely, but not joy.
• I don't think I'm as capable as everyone gives me credit for, including myself.
• Sometimes I close my eyes real tight and pray and wish that when I open them my life will somehow be different and I will finally feel whole and content.
• I like this idea!