Violence vs. Nudity-Where Is The Real Pornography?

I saw something the other day that prompted me to write this. Sandy and I were watching Bones, one of our favourite TV shows. The writing is often fairly light-hearted, sometimes informative and in the end a nice way to escape for an hour. At one point in this episode the antagonist has her head blown off by a high-powered rifle. It wasn’t just suggested but was shown very graphically. I was caught off-guard, not prepared to see someone’s head explode before my eyes. Which of course was exactly the intent of the writers; it’s the media’s love of shock-value.

I feel a rant coming on.

This for me goes far beyond one television show, it’s part of a much bigger issue. We all have our ideas of injustices around us, I suppose, but even simple television episodes can speak to society’s skewed way of thinking. My issue lay in what is being defined as harmful these days. In other words, why is it acceptable to show graphic violence but not the human body?

I have to be clear that I’m speaking specifically about North American society. I'd love to hear from those of you in other countries but I think it’s pretty safe to say that places like Australia and New Zealand and many countries in Europe and South America have healthier, more liberal views of sex and nudity. There's also a differentiation that needs to be made between the two.

I live in a society that brings ultimate fighting to the masses, where people pay good money to watch grown men beat each other bloody in the name of sport. Yet these same observers will turn and cringe at the sight of a woman breastfeeding her baby in public. Why?

Although it’s far less common now with the popularity of digital cameras, I’ve heard stories of customers having their film seized when they’ve taken it in for developing because it contained photos of their children nude in the bathtub. If you ask me where pornography lay it’s not here.  It’s in seeing children of many countries across the world carrying weapons and being taught to fight and kill for a cause they don’t even understand. There are few things more pornographic than forcing a child to grow up this way.

I live in a society influenced by a media that would sooner show rows of dead bodies after a civil uprising than an exposed female breast. I live in a society that has become desensitized to violence yet taught that the nude human body is somehow pornographic. So many people holding this belief are God-fearing Puritans.  Yet if Man and Woman were created through God and the human body is something shameful to be covered, by association would this mean that God himself has created something pornographic? It just doesn't hold water for me.  I believe the human body, whether male or female, is not sexually provocative or suggestive in itself; it’s the eye of the beholder that makes it so.

Naturists born and raised into their way of life have extremely healthy views of nudity. I don’t believe anyone growing up from an early age has been morally corrupted or scarred for life in seeing their parents or anyone else around them unclothed. Yet I live in a society in which parents will buy violent video games for their kids then turn around and do everything they can to prevent them from catching a glimpse of a breast in a movie. Just as locking liquor away in a cabinet and telling a teenager they can’t have it increases the mystique, covering the body and treating it as forbidden does the same.

I've been told I'm a very liberal thinker.  But I really think it's time society's pendulum swung the other way. We need to celebrate who we are and be comfortable in our own skin. I long for the day when everyone would rather see a body unclothed than harmed.

Secret Sunday

Hey guys here we are at the eleventh round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore I won't be posting inappropriate comments.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

City Serenade- poem

The shelter of my raincoat

The comfort of your hand,

A symphony of thunder

Fills the alley as we stand

Beneath the half-lit marquee

Breathless in this lovesong that we've made,

Cab horns and buzzing neon

Sing their city serenade.

And you capture me like raindrops

Dancing gentle on my tongue

Taste your liquid promises

Unspoken and unsung,

Fog rolling down the backstreet

Conceals this moonlit escapade,

Against my skin your heart beats

To a city serenade.

I began working on this poem late last summer. I had a few lines on my computer and every once in a while when I thought of it I'd go back and play around with it a little; change a word here, add or remove a line there. This was about six months in the making and was a struggle because it just wasn't coming to me. I returned to it tonight after a couple months and it only took me about an hour to tweak and finish it.  This poem was going to be much longer but I approached it with fresh eyes and I'm happy with the result.

If you have a piece of writing that's kicking your ass and you have the luxury of time, put it away for a while and come back to it later. But keep at it, eventually it'll take shape.

Love In The Rain- poem

I wrote this when I was twenty after a break-up. Still not sure how happy I am with it but it was one of my first...


Love In The Rain

I once walked through the rain
With a girl whose warmth
Shone through so clearly
It seemed to blow the clouds away
And made me forget the rain.

I was once loved by a girl
Whose smile was so bright,
It made me forget my troubles
Long enough
To love her back.

I once lost a girl
Whose love for me died
Along with the leaves of Autumn.

And now

Even through all the pain,
The twinkle in my eye
Is the love I feel for her.
Because in my dreams
We're still together,
Walking in the rain.

10 Random Things About Me

• I prefer to sit cross-legged in a chair, I just find it more comfortable
• Joni Mitchell's long-lost daughter was one of my classmates in grade school
• I was once surprised by a deer in my office, while working at my desk
• I'm 5'11"
• my first career decision came in Grade 4 when we were studying oceanography. I wanted to be Jacques Cousteau, and worked towards this through high school. Eventually it was obvious it wasn't meant to be when I discovered I sucked at chemistry and physics, and didn't have a great love for biology. In my late teens I wanted to be a precision driver for the television and film industry but discovered when I went to an agency that I couldn't specialize. In my early twenties I wanted to be a firefighter and applied to the department. My interests the past year have leaned heavily towards the counselling and therapy fields. So if you worry that you might never know what you want to do with your life, know that it's also never too late to make a change.
• I've worked as a newspaper delivery boy, telemarketer, retail sales clerk, truck driver, factory assembly line worker, order picker, Lego demonstrator, inventory taker, forklift operator, security guard, courier, busboy, waiter, and now as a manager. One of the most enjoyable jobs I ever had was as a deejay at a bar. My boss was also one of the worst people I ever worked for.
• even though I'm Canadian I've never watched an entire hockey game
• I've never drank a cup of regular coffee
• in October Sandy and I will be climbing the CN Tower in Toronto (about 145 stories up). I've done it twice so far and am looking forward to the challenge
• I once got on the microphone at Burger King and made an announcement about a special they weren't having

Who Are You?

I'm a little curious (okay more than just a little) to know who's visiting right now.  If you're reading this please take a moment to drop me a comment and let me know who you are, whether we know each other or not. If you want to say something about your blog that would be great too.

Secret Sunday

Hey everyone, I hope you're enjoying your weekend. Not much new here, we're still up to our asses in snow. So if anyone has a couple airline tickets to Australia you're not using please send them my way.

On to the tenth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore I won't be posting inappropriate comments.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

The Esteem Project

          here

I rarely make generalizations, there is almost always an exception to every rule.  However as I walk the path of my life there are certain observations I've made which for me have become truths.  Truths of which no one can otherwise convince me as I've encountered them far too often to be coincidental. Today I'm talking about self-esteem and self-image. I hope we can break down some walls, even if it takes a few tears to do it. And it will, it always does.

My truth is this: almost without exception everyone struggles with a confidence or self-esteem issue at some point in their lives. 

We can debate this if you'd like but everything I've seen convinces me that more women than men fight these demons, very commonly in the form of self-image. I don't want to get side-tracked and turn this into a social commentary on the media but we know the weight they carry in influencing how people see themselves. I have a lot of words to describe how I feel about this and they're all scathing. It sickens me.

We men suffer esteem issues as well. Those who strut confidently often do so with false bravado, most guys aren't as together as they show on the outside and the ones who act most indifferent are usually the ones hurting most.  Society has come a long way over the past four decades but it still hasn't set the forum for us to share our emotions openly without seeming weak. Fortunately for me it's all I've ever known so I don't give much thought to someone's opinion of me being open with them.

All of us (myself included) experience insecurity and self-doubt at times, but for some it's all-consuming. I read something yesterday that put it very well, "There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they are the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them."  I couldn't agree with this more. I've lost track of the number of times people have told me about traumatic past experiences of abuse whether sexual, physical or verbal (which scars just as much). We can't fix people, it's not our place.  But we can ease their pain and let them know they're not alone.

If you want to feel better about yourself I believe the best place to start is by making someone else feel better about themselves first. The most amazing feeling in the world is to be told you've made a difference in someone's life.  It doesn't need to be epic, doesn't have to be life-changing, just something that makes a positive impact.  That moment could be something both of you carry for years.

So where does it start? Simply with a few kind words, spoken or written. We all have people in our lives who affect us and mean something to us.  We're also aware of some who are going through very difficult times. It just takes a couple minutes here and there to let people know how we feel about them. Sometimes it'll catch them off-guard (which isn't always a bad thing).  But I've never known anybody who didn't feel better after hearing how much they're loved, appreciated and thought of. 

A few encouraging words from a stranger can mean more than we'll ever know. I've joined a project called ItStartsWith.Us . Each week they pick someone who's hit a hard time in their life and drop a "love bomb"; in which hundreds of us leave encouraging comments. It's always unexpected, always heartwarming and the results have been pretty amazing. You can click here to find out more.

We complain about the unhappiness and negativity in the world, and while it seems a huge place it's still made up of individuals. The more people we can impact the better chance we have of affecting that thinking. We all deserve to feel better about others and ourselves. 

It starts with each new day, and it starts with us. 

Letting Go

here

The Most Annoying Songs, Like, Everrr...

                                                    here

There are a lot of songs I like, but here are some that drive me nuts. I'm sure there are many I haven't thought of yet, if I do I'll add them later or do another post. Most of you weren't born when these songs came out. Consider yourselves lucky.

Click on names in yellow and enjoy. If you can...

Kumbaya- by..unfortunately by too many people to list.   From what I know Kumbaya is another way of saying "Come by here". This song was probably induced by the same kind of acid trip that brought us Innagaddadavida (In a Garden of Eden). I believe the word Kumbaya is a Tibetan word which refers to the act of choosing to drive a spike through your eye rather than having to hear a song again. I choose the spike.

Going Up The Country- Canned Heat    Proof you don't need to be able to sing to get into the music industry. His mom must have known somebody.

Anything by Jim Nabors.  Go ahead click on his name, I dare ya.

The Holiday Season- by..I don't know and don't care.   Perfect example of an annoying Christmas song, plain and simple.

Skinamarink- Sharon, Lois and Bram   Okay, it is a kid's song. It eats into my brain because years ago I worked with a big oaf who sang it all day long. If he didn't weigh as much as my car I would have tackled him into a vat of boiling canola oil.

Having My Baby- Paul Anka    This song leads us to believe the only way to show a man you love him is to go through 40 weeks of pain and discomfort for him.

Tip Toe Through The Tulips-Tiny Tim   Are you fucking kidding me?

Anything by Josh Groban.  Sorry.  No I'm not.

Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon- Neil Diamond   Is it just me or is there an element of creepiness to this song?

I Am Woman- Helen Reddy   Cringe. The video I've linked to is very informative, gives info on domestic abuse. I highly recommend muting the song though.

Sometimes When We Touch- Dan Hill Overly sappy, even by my standards. That's pretty friggin' bad.

Anything by Il Divo

You Light Up My Life- Debbie Boone   Cheesier than the pizza I had on New Year's.

Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice   Wannabe rapper. Like Eminem minus the attitude  and talent.

Barbie Girl- Aqua   Apparently there was some acid left over after Innagaddadavida was recorded.

Achy Breaky Heart-Billy Ray Cyrus   Kill me now, I can't believe I have this stuff on my blog.

My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion    Sometimes I wish they'd sent her down with the Titanic and spared the captain.

The One-Elton John   If this were sung by someone else it probably wouldn't have made this list. But these lyrics are so formulaic and beneath him. "You're all I ever wanted, oh baby you're the one." C'mon Elton, you can do better.
 
Firework-by Katy Perry   "Oh my God" I hear you say, "a song I recognize!"  Not a bad tune, it's on this list only because I've heard it more times than I've eaten breakfast. On the upside she did kiss a girl and like it which...well...you probably know how I feel about that.

Late entry...anything by Abba except 'Waterloo' and 'Knowing Me Knowing You'.

Life vs Living

I intended to write about something light-hearted today. But as I left the bank this afternoon I heard bagpipes on the radio and the tone of my day changed completely.

The song was "Amazing Grace". It was being played just as Sgt. Ryan Russell, a 35 year old Toronto police officer killed last week in the line of duty, was being lowered into the ground. He leaves behind a wife and very young son. And as the body of this man was being laid to rest in the ground on this cold and rainy winter day, I was walking around with my troubles big and small. But I was alive. Although this man should be honoured, my post isn't about him specifically. It's about life and living it.

We'll never be younger than we are right now. So just what is it that we plan to do that makes a difference when we're a day older tomorrow? Life is a buffet and this year I vowed I'd eat more from it. I've never been ruled by fear but I want to be even less apprehensive of anything new, and I'm in the midst of doing several things that either scare me or that I've never done before. All of this and more will appear on my blogs in one way or another over the next several months.

My mind is completely open to everything around me and I want to approach it all with renewed curiosity, wonder, and enthusiasm. I don’t see a reason to say no to anything that will serve to expand my life’s experiences; after all, who wants to look back and wish they had tried more things and seized more opportunities when they came along? I certainly don’t.

There’s so much that will reveal itself when we open our eyes and minds to exploring them. If we stop to look at what's holding us back from going after what we want in life, I think we'll find what's standing in our way most is ourselves. I hope we can all get past that.

Because in the end the only thing that separates someone who’s passed from one who’s holding back in life, is a heartbeat.

Secret Sunday

Hey everyone, hope you've been having a great weekend. We've been getting a fair amount of snow here recently, so if you want any let me know. I'll gladly send it your way.

Welcome to the ninth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate comments will not be posted.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

A New Blog Is Born (this should be interesting...)

After turning my Glass Wall blog into strictly an archive of my writing I've been able to reallocate that time into a new, additional site.  The Secret Garden is a place where I'm finally able to feature all the things I want to here but don't, as I've been concerned it would change the direction of this blog.

The new site is adult-oriented, so to my younger readers please exercise discretion. Topics covered will be secrets, fantasies and stories (real or fictional, no doubt with a heavy sprinkling of erotica). I'm also looking for submissions about anything you're going through that you'd like people to understand (eating disorders, addictions, depression etc.).

There will be very little censorship at The Secret Garden, plenty of text and photos to get your mind and heart racing (I have a good idea of what works for many of you). I hope you'll consider following me there and remember, anything you choose to submit will be kept 100% anonymous. Any of you who know me well enough realize how much I value trust and privacy.

See you there!

Never Thought I'd Write A Country Song

      here

I've always felt it's important to live in the moment and look to the future with hope and excitement. But I also think it's good to look at the meaningful moments in our past that have helped influence who we are. I've been reflecting on the year that was, about events and people that had an impact on me and some of them stand out very clearly.

One of them is Becca from Only A Mama Knows. She's been raising two young children full-time, not an easy job as some of you know. Sandy and I don't have kids of our own and have always been happy with our decision, still there's something I've been able to relate to in Becca. Our friendship developed quickly and over time she helped me understand what it means to hold a child in your heart. After following along each day I grew to feel that if Sandy and I had chosen to have children, I'd be happy to be the parents that she and her husband Sam are. I think we would.

Recently Becca introduced me to some songs I hadn't heard before. One of them is a 'new country' song called All The Good Ones Are Gone by Pam Tillis. I'll put on a country song once in a while if the mood strikes me but as a rule I don't listen to it. For some reason I couldn't get this song out of my head and, on seeing the moon low over the highway on the drive home one night, found myself writing lyrics to a song that came to mind. This is the result, I'm leaving it untitled for now.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Creeping silent through your window,

Casts shadows on your body

As you lie beside your man,

Mind wanders back to eighteen

When things were free and easy,

Never wanted to be alone

Now you wonder if you can.

And the sun sets on the county

Busy day is lost to mem’ry

But the fireflies that light the skies

Will help you find your way,

A heart that beats in lifetimes

Just breathes to love somebody

The wind will whisper out your name

See you through another day.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Dancing low upon the treetops

Paints shadows on the porch swing

Where you rocked your baby boy,

Were just a young girl that day

When you found you’d have a family

Singing Kenny Loggins

To the one who brought you joy.

And the sun’s set on the county

Your girl’s smile shinin’ like diamonds

The fireflies that fill her eyes

Let you know you’re not alone,

A heart that beats in lifetimes

Just breathes to love somebody

With tiny hand held tight in yours

She’ll always find her way back home.

‘Ole moon shining brightly

Creeping silent through your window,

Casts shadows on your body

As you lie beside your man…

When Buying Deodorant Becomes A Game of Charades

There's something I enjoy about meeting someone from a different culture. I have relationships with people from just about every part of the world and, although I jokingly play around with accents, I'm truly interested in learning about various ethnic backgrounds.  I do my best to understand and communicate with people regardless of how difficult it may be. But...when I'm short on time things can get interesting.

Here's the story. 

A while ago I had to rush out after work to catch a train as I was meeting Sandy and one of her female co-workers downtown for dinner.  Something which I certainly didn't want to miss because...well...let's just say the testosterone-fueled parts of me had been looking forward to this for some time.

I had brought a change of clothes to work which I put on after washing and freshening-up.  As I eagerly headed towards the train station I realized to my horror that I had forgotten to give myself a fresh application of deodorant. This simply would not do.

I knew along the way there would be a couple convenience stores, I just wasn't sure where they were. I was in the thick of rush hour, and not really being able to slow down amongst the constant flow of traffic I pulled into a location where I thought I'd find a store.  Naturally when I found one it was on the opposite side of where I was, in the most inconvenient of locations to get to.

So much for convenience.

You know those movies where a baby, or a frog, or a drunken man is walking obliviously across a busy street with cars whizzing by in all directions and miraculously avoids getting smushed?  That was kinda me.  I pick a moment amongst all this automotive insanity to make the most illegal of moves and pull in to my destination. This is where the real adventure begins.

Having no time to scout out what I'm looking for I make a beeline for the shop owner.

Me: "Hi, do you sell deodorant?"

Him:

Me: "Do you have any deodorant?  You know..deodorant?"

Okay either God is testing me or there's a hidden camera somewhere. Switching tactics now, periscope down. Go into visual mode.

Me: "Deodorant.  De-o-dor-ant." Holding my nose between my fingers and scrunching up my face like I'd just sucked on a lemon. "Eww, yucky, stinky.  Phew!"

This guy seems nice enough but it's like trying to discuss existentialism with a hamster. I begin frantically fanning my under my arms. Had there been the slightest crosswind I swear I would have become airborne.

Still nothing.

Suddenly I spot my target on a shelf halfway down the store. In one quick gracefully smooth movement I speed down the aisle, round the corner and sweep up the container in my hand. I place it on the counter.  Surely my work is done.  Surely he'll just ring it through, like the thousands of people who had come before him had. But it wasn't to be. He gazes down to study the object, much the same as Horatio Cain would in an episode of CSI Miami.  Except this guy isn't wearing impossibly dark glasses. It's like he's never seen something like this before.

Him: "How you say? So I know what to call."

Gotta at least give him credit right?

Me: "Deodorant."

Him: "Deeeooooo......"

Finally we almost seem to connect, to share a moment. He seems to understand. It's touching really, almost brings a tear of joy to my eye. But there's no time for celebration. I pay, and with a quick smile and a thank you I'm outta there.

I throw open the door and blow past a group of homies outside, fully prepared for an altercation and ready to say something like, "Look mofo I'm meeting two honeys downtown, I had a traumatic deodorant experience and I'm late for my train so back the fuck off!" But they pay me no attention and before I know it I'm in my car. Looking back it's quite clear that any coolness factor I may have had pretty much disappeared...as I applied the deodorant in the car. I don't ever recall seeing Chuck Norris or Steven Segal putting on Speed Stick before kicking someone's ass, do you? 

In the end I made my train with a few minutes to spare and my armpits smelled wonderful. And I always make sure I have a spare.

Secret Sunday

I love this time of the week. Welcome to the eighth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate comments will not be posted.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

A Foolish Heart's View of Love (Part Two)

here

"Love is friendship set on fire."

-Jeremy Taylor

  We all find what works for us within our relationships. What I'm going to say might challenge some of your views and while I don't intend to personally explore everything covered here, I don't judge those whose pursuit of love falls outside accepted social norms. The dynamics of many types of relationships has changed over the past several decades. Just as the traditional family unit with stay-at-home mom has become the exception rather than the rule, the parameters of romantic relationships have changed.  And along with it, I believe, the way we define and express love. Exactly how we express it is up to each of us to decide; so many boundaries have been pushed that what was once black and white has shifted into many subtle shades of gray.

Love's Many Flavours

  What comes to mind when you hear the word love? For me as with most of us it's in the romantic sense, arguably the most intense of all feelings. There's fierce loyalty that often accompanies familial love (feelings toward family members) and platonic love as felt for friends, same-sex or otherwise. (One buddy and I always demonstrate this as an "I love you man", in the most innocuous of ways). But we know we both mean it.

  Very common for me is a feeling of fondness and affection, towards female friends on-line or otherwise. While I recognize these as friendships I also don't treat them the same way as I would with my male friends; before ever meeting me a female friend was a woman first, and remains so. It's impossible for me to ignore this, and as a result my language is completely different than with men. While I express affection more comfortably I also find myself closely weighing every word I speak or write. Male-female friendships are incredibly rewarding, but require more conscious thought for one who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Spreading The Love

  Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Absolutely. Equally? Yes. It's been said the heart doesn't divide, it multiplies. I fully agree with this and believe the heart has an infinite capacity to love. Looking at it as a whole, having feelings for another doesn't take any amount of love away from your partner. Love's a flame, which doesn't diminish in size or intensity when it's passed on. It is a constant, it's our perception of circumstances that will change the way we feel about it.

  Some people have more than one long-term romantic partner at once and this arrangement works very well, as evidenced in the increasing popularity of polygamy and polyamourous relationships, both of which require full consent and acceptance from each partner. This isn't for me, although I find the whole thing quite interesting. Fortunately during the course of my marriage I've never loved anyone with the intensity in which I love Sandy, I couldn't imagine loving two people at the same time and having to make that choice. Some people don't choose, which leads me to the next topic. Affairs.

Torn Between Two Lovers

  Most of us will agree that affairs are wrong. I don't argue this. This past year two people have allowed me a very intimate look into their affairs and I've learned that things aren't as black and white as they appear to outsiders. I have a better understanding of the emotions and thinking involved; I understand how it's possible to love two people and be emotionally torn when each brings very different things into your life. I acknowledge the destruction that an affair can bring with it but while I still feel it's fundamentally wrong I'm far less judgemental than I used to be.

Love Thy Neighbour

  I'm going to turn to the subject of sex for a bit ("No way Barry," I hear you say. "What are the chances of YOU talking about sex?") This time 'round though it's not sex for its own sake, but within the context of a loving relationship. I think the majority of us view physical intimacy as an expression of love between two people, so let me complicate things here a little and spin a scenario for you.

  You're in a great relationship with your partner.  You both agree you're satisfied emotionally, there's no love lacking between you and you feel no need to search for it elsewhere.  Pillow talk of shared fantasies leads to the discovery of a mutual decision to invite another into your bed.

  So let me ask you...does a willingness to share your partner with another, if only for an evening, demonstrate love for him/her or a lack of caring? To my mind, this is perhaps the ultimate expression of selflessness within a healthy relationship. (I differentiate between a situation such as this and one in which it's done to comensate for something lacking between you).

  Some have told me they'd never share their partner with another, the reluctance of which to me is completely understandable. I've also talked at length with many who have enjoyed a tryst such as this, those who plan to and some who dream it but aren't sure they'd ever follow through.  All are in loving relationships, the vast majority who have participated said that (despite the potential harm) it's strengthened their bond. Is this an expression of love when done to please your partner?  That depends on your view, I believe there's no definite right or wrong and I'd love to hear your answer.

In Closing

  Before you begin wondering if I cling to any traditional beliefs at all, let me say this. I believe there's nothing greater than love. I believe that two people (regardless of gender), brought together to share one heart are an unstoppable force. I believe in sappy cards, romantic poetry, candlelight baths and moonlit walks. I believe in losing yourself in someone as long as you don't lose who you are when you're with them. And I believe when you hold someone in your heart, with you in theirs, you can get through anything. This for me will never change.

A Foolish Heart's View of Love (Part One)

here

"You are what you love, not what loves you."

If you've been following along with me for any length of time you'll know that I'm generally a big mushy sap. Most of my poetry and short stories (as well as many blog posts) revolve around relationships, emotional and physical attractions and love. Yet after all this time I realize I've never shared my views of what I think love is. Some of it may come as a surprise to you, because while there are many things I romanticize I also don't cling to some commonly-held notions. I will say one thing, love is incredibly complex. I'll break this down and hope I'm not too random with it all...


Love at first sight

As much as I Iike the idea I don't believe in love at first sight. The notion that you can love someone with just a look doesn't compute for me; other than physical appearance what are these feelings based on? Physical attraction, lust and everything related is delicious but it's not love. Now, if you were to see someone showing kindness to a child or rescuing a puppy from a burning building (or better yet rescuing a child with a puppy from a burning building) and it moved you emotionally then yes, I could understand how it could stir something inside you. But is it real love? I don't think so.


Soulmates

Again not so much. Maybe there really is such a thing as a soulmate for each of us, but in a world of almost seven billion people what are the chances of finding that person? While I completely agree many of us find a partner who seems perfectly suited, are they the only one in the entire human race for us? And if we have found our soulmate, why is it they're almost always placed geographically close to us and not on the other side of the world?  I love the romantic notion of soulmates, I really do, but the realist in me has a hard time buying into it.


Platonic friends

It's been said a million times that men and women can't just be friends; sooner or later one of them will want something more. I don't agree it applies all of the time, but I also know it's happened a million times. Make that a billion. As far as on-line friendships are concerned maybe it's a bit different having the physical closeness removed, because although I've developed some close relationships with my blogging friends and in some cases we've admitted a fondness for each other, we keep our friendships in check. They're very caring and mean the world to me, but they're not romantic.

At the same time I've never felt threatened when friends have expressed romantic or sexual feelings, if anything it's flattering. I've never been too concerned about it, because in the end it won't lead to anything further unless those feelings are reciprocated. Before I met Sandy there was one particular female friend whom I used to hang out with. She was a lot of fun, very cultured and intelligent. I wasn't attracted to her beyond this, but she felt something for me. I knew it, her best friend pointed it out, my circle of friends said so. But she denied it.

When Sandy came into the picture she picked up on it right away. From my point of view the dynamic of my relationship with this girl hadn't changed, I had romantic feelings for Sandy and we dated exclusively.  My friendship continued but... she continued to deny how she felt. Sandy felt threatened by this, and rightly so because she couldn't trust her intentions. I can't recall the circumstances but within a short time that friendship faded. I wasn't blind to the fact that their views of this situation were far different than mine.

 
Friends with benefits
 
Has nothing to do with love, I'm just including it here because..God...I wish I'd had more of it when I was single.
 
 
Being "in love" vs. loving

After all this time I'm only beginning to understand the difference, I've always had a hard time defining it. I'm going to keep this part short because honestly I'm still unsure. How do you differentiate between being "in love" with someone vs. loving them?


Next...is there enough for everyone?

My New Year's Non-Resolution Resolutions

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. Not that I don't believe in them, they're just not really for me. But over the past week I've realized there are some things I'd like to do this year, so I've come up with a list.  In no particular order...

• take a digital photography course (I learn much better being shown something than reading a manual)
• write more poetry and stories, and complete unfinished pieces
• strengthen relationships and build new ones
• be more curious about people (if that's even possible)
• be more free with asking or answering the bolder questions
• expand my knowledge and experiences in all areas of my life; socially, culturally, intellectually, sexually, philosophically, spiritually
• work out more regularly
• get back to building models (I've been doing this as a hobby since I was nine)
• get more exposure to people of different cultures and lifestyles
• push myself to finish my book and give the printer a call
• post more often
• comment more often on other blogs, make an attempt to respond to all comments on mine (I feel really guilty when I don't!!)
• write more erotica and humour
• write posts which are more revealing, personal and easier to relate to
• make this blog more interactive, involve my readers more
• write more hand-written letters
• keep up with personal studies of Psychology, Human Sexuality and Sociology

From day one I've written this blog with my readers in mind, it's as much about you as it is me. If there's anything you'd like me to write about, regardless of subject matter please let me know. I may not take every suggestion but I'll consider them all.

The Funniest Blog Post I've Ever Read- "The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas"

                             Image by Allie Brosh, "Hyperbole and a Half". Dec 21, 2010.

 I laughed so hard reading this I was in tears, and I knew I had to share it with you guys. It's from a blog called "Hyperbole and a Half", created by Allie Brosh. The post is epic with lots of drawings, and tells the story of her attempt to act out the birth of Jesus with her family when she was a little girl. Click on the link below and let me know what you think...

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html

Secret Sunday

God I love this picture

The holidays were a nice break but it's good to get things back on track again. Welcome to the seventh round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share some secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore inappropriate remarks will not be shown.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

Happy New Year!! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ♪♫•*¨

Hey, you had to know it was coming! :)

Hope you had a great time and aren't nursing a hangover as you read this. Here's how our New Year's celebration played out.

Sandy always wanted to see what a goatee would look like on me so I started growing one a few days ago while I was on holidays. We weren't crazy about it. I didn't like the gray, it made me look like some guy in his forties (wink) and that simply would not do. Sandy didn't like the way it felt against her skin, so I shaved it off.  What do you think of the look?...

We stayed in for the night, just the two of us.  Ordered pizza for dinner, there's a small place up the street that makes the best pizza we've ever had. They're the only ones we go to when we're in the mood for it...

Washed it down with this...

Started watching a movie on TV...

While we munched on this...

And washed it down with some of this...

Stopped the movie to play with some of our toys...

Caught the final few seconds of the New Year's countdown. Either they set off fireworks here or City Hall just exploded....

Stayed up until about 3am and got up at 10:30.  Sandy did some cinnamon buns in the oven...

We had some fruit salad which she made earlier...

And her world-famous latte (this stuff's amazing!)...

Last night I dreamt I shot someone who took a hostage. I have very interesting dreams.

So...what did you do for New Year's?