I Know You

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I know you
More than you may think
The you that plays hide and seek with the light
The person you are when not typing,
Never revealed by your fingertips.
When your screen goes dark
And the lights go out in your room
Do you really think I don’t see
The scared little girl
That lives within sometimes?
How much you want to scream
To make it all go away
Make it all just fucking go away.

I hold my silence often,
Perhaps too often.
"Don’t analyze
Don’t push her away",
I reason.
"Just listen.
Be there, but don't smother."
And so I keep this distance
And it kills me
As much as what burns inside does you.

I hear the thoughts that fill your mind,
The fear, the doubt, the uncertainty.
You who pray for peace and tranquility
Yet curse its very presence
Longing for those you love to return
And fill your silent rooms with cries and laughter.
You think I don’t know
How thoughts of this consume you?
So many unanswered questions asked
Of yourself,
Of this life.
A life that once seemed would be so perfect
But still can be.

I know what you ache for
Breathe for,
Would kill for.
Thoughts you have of him
Irresistible, unattainable
But not impossible.
I feel you,
Your deepest fears and desires most unsettling
That would threaten to unhinge you
Were they not so delicious.
The thoughts you have of her,
The one you meet in your dreams
In ways you’ll never articulate because, well,
It’s something good girls just don’t do.

You think I don’t
But I know.
It lives in the spaces between your words,
Those you share with others
Or with me in quieter moments.
Like a Koontz novel you’re mysterious
Yet infinitely readable.
And although I can’t predict your ending
Your words unspoken
Reveal all.

My favourite...

A few random things that inspire my senses.  I'm sure there's a ton more, some I just can't think of right now and others I'd include but I'm keeping this PG rated...


Smell

a nice woman's fragrance (not too soapy or flowery)
coffee (even though I don’t drink it)
freshly washed hair
leather
baby powder
vanilla
McDonald's fries (is it just me?)
fresh-baked bread
gasoline (yeah it’s weird, but I know some of you will agree)
our garden after a rainfall


Sounds

a grand piano
saxophone
thunderstorms
whispered promises
a sweet female vocal
children’s laughter
wind chimes
songbirds in the winter
opening a can of Coke or a bottle of beer in the summer
high heels on a hard floor
anything byLuther Vandross
a well-tuned sports car
an Australian, French or Spanish accent


Feel/ touch


wet hair
a baby’s cheek
silicone-coated anything
silk
a warm sweater on a cold day


Sights


the moon
a woman barefoot in the rain
a nice pair of eyes
new e-mail in my inbox
a fresh snowfall on pine trees
a girl in a sundress in the summertime


Taste


honey
anything chocolate
salty skin
a full-bodied red wine (cabernet sauvignon, merlot)

Confessions of a Girl Talk Junkie

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I think I was away the day they gave out the typical guy gene. I'm not big into sports; I'll watch it once in a while but I couldn't tell you anything about stats, standings or players. Probably because I don't really care. I hardly drink, anything past two beers on a summer day would be considered a lot for me. I don't play poker, in fact cards bores the hell out of me. I have been known to get together with the boys and hit a strip club or two and partake in an evening of wholesome cultural entertainment.

This past Saturday I spent the day with some of the guys at a model train show (it really was a model train show, honest).  Sandy was having a girls' night in, and I arrived home that night just in time for Earth hour. I spent it in a candle-lit room sharing a conversation with five women, watching them indulge in alcohol and phallic-shaped food. When the hour was over I retreated to my studio to give them their time together.

Most guys I've talked to show no interest in doing anything like this, they'd rather go out with their buddies. Maybe I had the best of both worlds on Saturday, but the thing is I get a lot out of these moments.

So many people just seem to accept that men and women will never understand each other. Many women dismiss men and say we only want one thing. Maybe it's true that we think of it a lot (okay, constantly) but we're a little more complex than that. Really. And I've heard so many men say we'll never understand women. But how will we if we don't make the effort?

We have to try. Last year I began studying female psychology and sexuality. I've learned again as much about this (maybe more) from conversations I've had with some of you, as well as relationships while we talk about what you experience or what you're looking for. I get asked a lot if I ever get tired of listening to people talk about what's going on in their lives.  The truth is I eat this stuff up, in fact I seek it out. I'll never claim to know everything about women, I still have a lot to learn. But I know a lot more than I did a year ago, because I've made an effort to understand life from a woman's perspective. I'm proud to be a man but I think this is important. Taking time to listen will remove a lot of the mystery in the difference between the sexes, while leaving enough to keep things interesting. This is something I plan to do for the rest of my life.

Keep those e-mails coming. :)

Survival, Courage and Attitude- Nicole Moore's Story (Part 2)

(I'm skipping today's Secret Sunday here.  If you'd still like to submit a secret or fantasy feel free to visit me in The Secret Garden).


Here's the follow-up to Nicole Moore's story from Tuesday. With her permission I'm posting her blog entries,  from the beginning to most recent. Please note I've condensed her posts, while I would have liked to keep them all intact this would have been much longer. But I've made every effort to preserve the timeline of events so important in her recovery.

Nicole, a sincere thank you for allowing me to share this with my readers and friends. You're a remarkable person.  


A New Beginning.
February 15, 2011

Last week, the wonderful team of plastic surgeons were able to rebuild my left thigh where the shark bit with a flap taken from my right leg. I was quite excited about my new skinny legs. All was going well but for some reason that we’re not sure of, suddenly yesterday my flap started to die. In the end, they had to remove it (my flap not my leg). That means I’m back to square one. Major set back but that means there’s only one direction to head…forward. Since I’m back to square one, that makes today a new beginning and a better beginning since we’re experienced now.


February 16th, 2011

Here’s the big news…I just finished my first physio session!!! That makes it a great day in itself. Big plans tomorrow…I’m going to try to get up to a chair for the first time in over 2 weeks. A little apprehensive but looking forward to it. And my day’s not even over yet. Teri is coming for a visit shortly & bringing me dinner tonight too. Can this day get any better? The simplest things make me so happy these days and what is more important than good friends & family, love, good food, children’s laughter and good health?


February 19, 2011

I’m in great spirits. Not unusual you say? Maybe not, after all I do believe in positive thinking because negativity only breeds negativity, but there is something that I think is important to share with you all. Monday was a really bad day for me. For two weeks after my shark attack, I gave my all, enduring so much suffering, to gain steps forward in my healing. But in one day (Monday), all of the surgeries and all of my battles were reduced to nothing and my injuries were basically back to the state that they were in just after the attack. Back to square one. I was devastated. I broke down, cried, felt helpless and scared. I had a quiet day that day. Tuesday morning, when I woke, I told myself that it’s a new day & that I need to move forward, but my heart was not on board with this plan. It was still too heavy with sadness…until I opened my blog page. I saw the incredible response to my “bad day” posting and was overwhelmed. Seeing all of the responses and reading all of the comments made me feel so supported and loved that it gave me the strength I needed to carry me through that bad day.

People have told me that my story and my attitude are inspirational, yet to me, the response from everyone else is what I find inspirational. Much of my strength and attitude stems from the love and support of my family and friends. If you feel helpless, like you wish you could do more, please take my words to heart when I tell you that you’re giving me the most valuable gift anyone could give me…love and for that I am grateful.

Please accept a HUGE THANKS en masse for all of the selfless things you have done to ease our suffering. The world is a better place because of all of you.


The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
February 22, 2011

Today’s operation over and it was only a couple a hours. I’m exhausted but wanted to give an update. There is good news and bad.

The good news is that my legs are doing better than we had hoped for. My own tissue is growing and filling in some of the bite site. That means I have a better chance that the next flap (a piece of my tissue used to cover the wound) will survive and a better recovery.

Now the bad news…my left arm has been the more challenging of the two wounds and we were hoping that we could nurture it and continue with the slow reconstruction. Today however, when they removed my dressing, the damage had worsened. Unfortunately, my arm cannot be saved and will be amputated on Friday. I am saddened by this news but I am alive and that is far more important. It will take a lot of adjustment, but I know I can get through this like so many other people. If I falter along the way, I know that I have many people wanting and willing to lend a hand and help me through. I am blessed.


Good News, Bad News, No News
February 28, 2011

The good news is I got the surgeon that I wanted. The bad news is I have to have an above the elbow amputation. I was hoping we could stay below the elbow but there’s no way around it unless a miracle happens. So how am I doing? Good. I’m OK with this plan and hoping the surgery is sooner than later so I can move forward. Alot of people have asked me how I can be OK with all of this and handle it so well. My answer is: I’m healthy, I’m strong, I’m alive. I’m motivated to face the difficulties in my recovery with a positive attitude because I can. When I know a surgery date for my amputation, I’ll post it because based on the outpouring of comments, I know how many of you care. I may sound like a broken record, but I am truly touched by all of the support I have received from so many on this blog, in our community and beyond. Thank you to all of you. You lift my spirits.


One Step Closer to Home
March 5, 2011

Good morning and what a good morning it is. My operation is over and it went as planned. The amputation unfortunately was above the elbow, but honest to goodness, when I woke up, I was so happy it was over that I almost started giggling. I was grinning ear to ear and making jokes. When it was time for me to leave the recovery room, the lady that was next to me said “do you really have to go”. Put on your water wings for the record rainfall and enjoy it. It’s only a dreary day if you want it to be…it’s all about attitude.


A little bit of understanding.
March 9, 2011

I suppose most of you have seen the story of me published today in the Toronto Star. I feel compelled to mention that I did not condone this story. I found out about it by sheer coincidence yesterday and told them that I didn’t want them to run it. Although the story was well written and not malicious, it still did two things that I was not prepared for at this time; it made my blog global and opened the gate releasing the media lions.
The response from people and reporters is staggering. I thought it was difficult keeping up with the blog before today but now I am completely overwhelmed. As a result, I don’t believe that I’ll be able to keep up with responses in a timely manner and that I’ll have even less time to return comments or messages. This breaks my heart. I love, appreciate and draw strength from your postings and I want to reply to each one. I know it’s not expected, but in my heart, I truly want to. This was an impossible task prior to today but I was able to respond to some at least. Now that the blog has gone global and based on the volumes of blogs and messages that I witnessed today, at this time I will not be able to respond to many people so…

I’m asking for a little understanding when I am unable to get to your postings, messages, email, texts, etc in a timely manner or when I’m unable to post a message. I’ll do what I can when I can but my recovery is what I must focus on first. I know you’ll understand.

I want to welcome and send thanks out to the new people that have started to read my blog. I hope you’re inspired by not only my story, but more importantly, by the people that respond. I hope that readers read each others comments as they can easily raise you up close to heaven and make your day brighter. Thanks to all for what I hope will be a little bit of understanding.


The Summit.
March 11, 2011

I did it. I faced the mountain ahead of me, all shredded & torn. Something inside of me knew I had to reach the other side and so I climbed, step by step, always looking up and moving forward. Today I reached the summit…the last operation on the road toward home and conquered it. I know the path down the mountain can be arduous, but with the summit behind me, I am driven by a sense of fulfillment which eases the doubt.


And The Silence Is Broken…
March 15, 2011

It’s a bright sunny Tuesday and no surgery. I’m already starting the day off right. I also have another reason to be excited. Since my last surgery, I’ve been on strict bed rest which has been driving me crazy but if all goes well, tomorrow should be my last day of bed rest.

My last operation involved taking skin grafts from my good leg and transplanting them to my bite leg. This type of operation is very delicate, but even more so with me because I don’t have the tissue base on the recipient site that normal people have so I have to stay very still in bed (shhhh, be verwy, verwy, quiet…I’m huntin rwabbit). Tomorrow, the docs will remove my dressing and see if the graft took. If it looks good then I can start to rehab slowly on Thursday. If the graft didn’t take…well lets not think like that.

So many people have collected, raised or simply donated money and gifts to assist us in this difficult time and we are so touched and honored to be part of such a giving society. I am blown away by people’s generosity. What a wonderful world we live in.


Thumbs Up
March 16, 2011

The grafts took. I have to be on bed rest for 2 more days and then another 2 more days of just dangling my legs off the edge of the bed but then I have the thumbs up to slowly move onto physio. I can begin to learn how to walk again but the doc put some reins on me however. I will not be able to weight bear for 4 weeks on by bite leg so I’ll have to learn how to walk with a device of some sort. A challenge without an arm but together with physio, we have begun to brainstorm on some ideas already and will McGuiver something together. My doctors really stressed that I have to take it slow or I may damage the leg and set me back dramatically. Despite my surging desire to push as hard as I can to get out of here, I will take heed of their advice so don’t expect me to blog huge accomplishments. It’ll be baby steps but as I said before…slow and steady still gets the job done…but I’ll still be pushing the envelope on those baby steps:)


Dingle Dangle Days
March 20, 2011


Hooray…My bed rest is over!! Over the weekend, in between my plethora of visitors, I have been dangling my feet over the side of the bed a little bit at a time. I was also able to get up to my wheelchair yesterday and today. I guess I forgot to mention that both of my vac machines are gone along with my PCA pump and my IV pumps. You might not understand what all of that is, but what matters is that a lot of what I needed to get better is not needed anymore and is gone. Tomorrow is a big day. I get to get up with physio. Maybe I’ll just stand and pivot to a chair or maybe we’ll just hobble a few steps (no weight bear on bad leg for 4 weeks). Either way, I’ll be up and I couldn’t be happier. These little advances mean so much to me. To me, each achievement is a pat on my back and on the backs of my health care team and my family.

Family or not, March break or not, I hope that last week made you thankful for something and that this week you’re just as lucky.



Close But Not Out the Door Yet
March 22, 2011


OMG…I walked out of my room and down the hall…but not out of the door yet. I’m making spectacular advancements if I do say so myself but now I see that I have a long way to go.

Yesterday was the first day that I was officially allowed to do full physio... Bonnie, my physiotherapist, wanted to make sure I was safe and that my muscles were ready and I agreed. And so we started what was to be a slow introduction to walking. Fortunately, each movement that she guided me through was accomplished swiftly until I was taking small steps…a task that Bonnie was surprised I accomplished. I learned how to balance on a crutch and took about 5 steps to my wheelchair. Up until now, I have only stood, pivoted and shuffled a bit to my chair. These were my first real steps.

Today, day two, I am officially tube free. No more IV lines and no more catheter. Nothing.
Being tube free, I accomplished two major things: I peed on a toilet for the first time (sorry but it’s SUCH a great feeling when you haven’t done it in forever!), and I walked. Bonnie and I started out with the goal of trying to walk with my crutch to the door of my bathroom…I walked out of my room and all the way to the nurses station. A huge accomplishment and I am proud of myself but I also realized how weak my muscles are and how far I still have to go. I still have a long descent, but I’m loving the view so far.

Upon some solid recommendations, I have agreed to go to a rehab facility to continue my care. At this point, I don’t know when and where I’ll be going but I hope to know soon. Unfortunately, it will not be closer to home. The type of facility that I need is only offered here in Toronto so here I stay. Despite the move, I’m still going to try to be home for my birthday. I’ve made it this far so I’m going to just keep pushing and giving my all. I know no other way.
Buckle up…here I come.


Out the Door But Not Home Yet.
March 25, 2011
 
I was making such leaps and bounds with my physio that Sunnybrook decided I was too healthy to stay but not healthy enough to go home yet. I have left the hospital and and went to a rehab facility. I am excited because the place is so much more comfortable and 100% geared toward physio. I’m walking well but am still incredibly weak so this place is exactly what I need. Here’s the bad news…the rehab centre does not have Wi-fi. Can you believe it? I have become so accustomed to it that I was left dumbfounded wondering what I’m going to do. I guess I can find things to do fill my time but I will not be able to blog as often :(. Of course this means that it will take me much longer to post your comments and even longer to post again. I will try to get on and post any other big accomplishments as they come. All and all, I don’t expect that I will be here very long…two weeks at the most but we’ll see. The difficult part of the downhill path begins now but I’m so close to completing my journey. Time to dig my heels in and get to work.

It's My 2nd Blogiversary Baby!!

Ever blink your eyes and feel like you've woken up years later? That's kind of how I'm feeling right now, because two years ago today my blog was born. I decided to start this as a way to cope with lingering emotional effects after a car accident, I won't get into the whole story again but more can be found in "What Makes Me Tick" at the top of my sidebar if you're interested.

In the beginning I never intended to post any of my own writing here, but time went on and as I changed my blog changed with me. What's even harder to believe than the time that's gone by is the people I've met. At first I pictured in my mind getting maybe three or four steady readers, never thought I'd see my words read in eighty-eight countries. I hoped to one day make a few friends, but the relationships that have formed are beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. I didn't realize just how close you can get to people on-line, it's amazing isn't it?

It's been an amazing adventure. I've had memorable conversations about almost every subject imaginable. I've been blessed for the chance to speak with people about their battles with depression, anorexia, abuse, rape, an inspiring recovery from a life-changing car accident. Women have given me insight to their experience of orgasm, pregnancy and raising children. Most recently I've been able to talk with someone who survived a shark attack and is courageously regaining her life.

People have criticized me, praised me, harassed me, shared fantasies about me. Quoted me, which is always incredibly flattering. Through it all I've developed a greater sense of compassion, tolerance and under-standing. I've found there's always something new to be learned, often from those much younger (this generation needs to be heard more than they are). I've learned that someone who's a thousand miles away can be felt as close as if their touch was upon you. And I've learned we all love, we all hurt, we all have something that scares us. There's commonality and shared comfort in this, I think. I've also learned I don't want to stop writing and being around you guys. Looks like you're stuck with me for a while.

Thanks for everything you've ever shared with me.  Yes, you.

Survival, Courage and Attitude- Nicole Moore's Story (Part 1)

More than anything, for me blogging has always been about people. I've met some amazing individuals, some of whom have very selflessly and openly shared things they've gone through. These are moments that will stay with me for a long time, not only because they teach me about things I may never otherwise face, but because they reinforce my belief in the strength of the human spirit.

Some of the most memorable of these experiences have been the times I've been able to unexpectedly talk with someone whose story I've heard only from a distance, and let them know the impact it's had on me. This is one of those times.

Some of you may have read the story of Nicole Moore, the young woman who made international headlines after being attacked by a shark on January 31st while vacationing in Mexico. Upon hearing of Nicole on the news I visited her blog and found myself moved by her courage and positivity. I knew I had to bring this to you guys, so I got in touch with her and she's graciously agreed to let me share her story.

I wasn't aware when I first contacted her that the media attention has caused a flood of attention to her blog. While the comments that people leave are helping Nicole in her recovery, she's found it rather overwhelming at times.  For this reason we both agree it's best I not link to her blog. While there are other ways to find it, I don't want to be the one to facilitate extra traffic her way. I know you'll understand.

Here then is Nicole's story, in her own words:


My Story

Okay….I know everyone wants to know the real story since the media has made a debacle of the entire incident, AKA Nicole Ross. After waking up and hearing about the media reports, I now understand why so many people were freaking out after reading the media’s account of how the story unfolded. So here is the general scoop straight from “shark bait’s” mouth…

 I was away in Cancun with a group of friends. On January 31st, I had just finished playing a game of beach volleyball when I went into the water to rinse off. A couple of Sea-Doers off in the distance were yelling at me in Spanish and waving me to shore. I was only waist high in the water so I couldn’t understand how I could be in their way or why they were so mad but turned to head into shore anyway. That is when I felt a bump and the sharks teeth sinking into my left leg. As my blood started to turn the water around me red, I knew what had happened the minute it happened. Everyone asks how I felt at that moment and the answer is scared sh*#less but what I thought was that sharks like blood and that I had to get out of the water so I continued heading to shore. Before I knew it, a shark, (same or a different one I don’t know) bit down on my left arm and it wouldn’t let me go. The shark was pulling me so with my right hand I grabbed it’s nose and pulled my left hand out. The Sea-Doers were close by but unable to grab hold of me, I just kept thinking of my children, and just kept inching towards shore. Eventually one of the Sea-Doers was able to grab my right hand and pulled me up onto the shore. People were buzzing around me, speaking only Spanish but unfortunately I don’t speak Spanish so I laid on the beach feeling completely helpless aware of injuries and the severity of them. Fortunately, two young nurses identified themselves asking me my name and telling me that they can help. I told them my name and that my leg needed a tourniquet. Selflessly a man applied pressure to my leg while someone else was able to place a tourniquet. I then told the nurse that my arm was bleeding badly and needed a tourniquet too. I believe that swimsuit strings were used to control the bleeding and that this was the single greatest contributor to me reaching the hospital alive. I lost a tremendous amount of blood and because so many people offered help to me, I am here to tell my story and grateful to so many people that I will never even know. Even though I was attacked by I shark I consider myself to be extremely lucky.




Nicole has given me permission to post some excerpts from her blog, which I will have up Sunday. Please keep an eye out for it, it's well worth reading.

Secret Sunday

Hey guys, hope you're enjoying your weekend. Happy Monday to the rest of you, wherever you are! It's officially the first day of spring in Canada, and I'll be outside with Sandy later today getting the yard cleaned up.

Welcome to the sixteenth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore I won't be posting inappropriate comments.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

Yet Another Blog Is Born- Nutkin's Great Adventures

I'm pleased to announce the birth of my fourth blog, "Nutkin's Great Adventures".  For those of you who don't know, Nutkin came into our life last year.  He was made by a beautiful friend of mine, Shannon, and quickly made himself at home. Family members and friends are used to seeing him accompany us at different events, and he's become such a regular part of these occasions that it was time to create a blog to capture it all.

You can check it out here.

Blog Stalkers

photo credit

I'm skipping Secret Sunday today to talk about something a friend of mine is going through. If you'd still like to submit a secret or fantasy (I can't get enough of them), please visit my Secret Garden blog here.

For months now a blogging friend of mine has been harassed by someone anonymously.  Call it stalking, call it cyber-bullying, whatever name it's given it has caused her a tremendous amount of distress. She can't think of who it might be, she doesn't recall making enemies or doing anything to make someone act this way.  Truth is she's one of the sweetest, most gentle souls I've met since I began blogging and she doesn't deserve this. No one does.

This person has caused her to cut back on posting to the point that she's basically stopped blogging.  Our communication has also been affected because she's been rather withdrawn.  It's killing me to see this happen to her, and our friendship.

Have you ever gone through this?  If you did were you able to resolve it?  Any advice you can give would be extremely appreciated.  Thanks so much.

New Blog...

I thought I'd bring a new site to your attention that a blogging friend of mine has started. Eva is promoting Snap-Thought as "a community where people can share a glimpse of their lives through photographs, thoughts, secrets, and art." What appealed to me about this idea enough to post about it is that it's a collective effort, anyone has a chance to contribute their own piece of the puzzle to form a greater picture. Because of this interaction I can see potential to meet and get to know people from many different backgrounds.

Currently she's looking for:

• Photographs taken during day-to-day activities, accompanied by a thought in 25 words or less inspired by the picture
• Secrets to be anonymously shared, with or without a photo included
• Something in 25 words or less that made you think, feel or find inspiration
• Messages said, or unsaid, to someone in your life
• Anything along similar lines to the items above

Click here to take a look.


If you haven't visited Eva's personal blog Screaming Whispers I really recommend checking it out. The writing is intensely honest, reflecting emotion that's at times raw and disarmingly vulnerable. From the moment I read it I knew she'd have an influence on my writing. I wasn't wrong.

On Friendship and Letting Go

Goodbye

I lost a friendship today. We never met and didn't know each other long but that was of little consequence, we forged a connection which quickly grew familiar. Despite this we couldn't move past being in two very different times and places in our lives.  So for reasons I'll leave unsaid, we mutually decided it was best to go our separate ways. Happily we parted on very good terms.

I'm not sure what to feel right now.  It's very bittersweet. I'm upset that she and I won't talk anymore, we took great interest in each other. But I'm thankful we were given the chance, however fleeting, for our paths to cross.  The thought wraps around me like a warm blanket; how wonderful it is the impact we all can have on each other.

My dear friend, I told you I'd someday try writing a Haiku. Here then is my first...

Morning bells wake with dawn

Your shadow fades at sunset

Bittersweet goodbye.

I'll remember you.

Another One of Those Moments

I received some great comments on my Moments post last week, one of which was from a reader who had never commented before.  Channie dropped me this note out of the blue. I noticed it in the middle of my day and it really stayed with me, not only because of what she wrote but because it was so unexpected and incredibly uplifting. In writing of one of her most memorable moments she created another for me.  So with her permission I'm reposting it here...

The other day a girl from my high school sent me a message on facebook... Here's what it said:


"Chantelle,


I wanted to send this message to say thank you. I'm sure you're not sure what this is about... maybe you remember maybe you don't but here's why I want to thank you. When I was in grade 11 I was having a really terrible day. As you know my father passed away that year and that day my bf and I had split up. I was in the hall crying because I was too embarassed to cry in class... I remember you and I weren't friends... I'm pretty sure you didn't even know my name at that point but when you saw me crying you stopped and asked me what's wrong. I remember pouring my heart out to you and you listening, and then you hugged me. I think I owe it to you to say thanks because that day I had decided life wasn't worth living anymore... your hug and kind words reminded me that there is good in the world and just because I was having a bad day didn't mean that tomorrow wouldn't be better. Thank you Chantelle I have a feeling my life would have been much different if you didn't walk by that day.


~Kaitlin. "


This message took my breath away.


We were never friends... we were almost enemies to be quite frank... but when I saw her crying there was no way I wasn't going to stop and make sure she was ok..I've put this message here for people to read to help them understand.. sometimes the most insignificant things mean the world to someone else... I had no idea until that message came that I had made a difference... I had no idea that she wanted to commit suicide... to be honest I had forgotten that I talked to her at all until this message... 5 minutes and a hug was no big deal to me.. and it helped her.. :)

Thanks for taking the time to send me this Channie, you totally made my day!

Secret Sunday

photo: Ice Maiden by ChrissieCool (deviantart.com)

Hi everyone, hope you're having a good weekend. I was supposed to be away today but my plans have changed, so I might even get some time to catch up on what everyone's up to and write a few new posts (I'm so far behind!)

Welcome to the fifteenth round of Secret Sunday, a chance to share secrets and/or fantasies you've been keeping to yourself. Some are uplifting, some are heartbreaking and some are just plain naughty.

All are valid.

Here's how it works:

1) This is open to anyone who wants to participate, from regular follower to casual visitor.

2) I don't plan to censor content or language. However I do reserve the right not to post anything which appears to be submitted with the sole intent of offending. I also reserve the right to include submissions that may be considered controversial. It's a fine line sometimes.

3) I'd like everyone to please refrain from negatively commenting on what someone else has written; what may seem trivial to you can be very personal to someone else. Everyone has feelings and I want to see them respected, therefore I won't be posting inappropriate comments.

4) If this is something you'd like to run on your blog please feel free. You may copy the rules if you wish.

And now to it...

Moments

  
   There are brief, almost indefinable moments in time that pass within seconds yet stay with us forever. Within them are words, sights, sounds that often settle upon us as a whisper but echo as a thunderclap when recalled years later. If I could gather these moments and wrap them in a bow I'd present them to you as some of the best parts of me. Because not only do they feed my passion for life, they're the very reason for its existence. 

   We all remember the big events in our lives; the weddings, the graduations, the births. We remember them because they’re grandiose and their significance is obvious. The impact they have on our lives is easy to understand. But what about the times in between; does nothing life-changing ever happen or do we just not notice? Are we too wrapped up in the bigger things to savour the nuances, disguised as just another tick of the clock?

   Like gems sparkling on an endless beach I stumble upon them most unexpectedly. They've appeared as a hummingbird. A yellow-tinted moon as big as the Earth sitting halfway on the horizon and looking like I could drive right into it. As the wonder I've found in a baby’s eyes. These moments appear as glorious visions like the girl in the white sundress, so many years ago, her body silhouetted in the sun as she walked towards me. In passing glances, winks and smiles. Sharing a shower the size of a phone booth with my wife. Reuniting with an old friend. Dancing in the fountain at a concert after security told us not to. Passionately making up with my girlfriend in a rainstorm. In seeing mountains for the first time. Through words of endearment from friends I’ve never met. Incredible, heartwarming words...

   A friend of mine told me a story that beautifully illustrates all this. She was making love with her new boyfriend when a bead of sweat fell from his face, gently trickling across her neck. Her eyes were ablaze as she told me about it, it was one of the most amazing things she’s ever experienced. Why? Because at that moment they shared, everything was right for her to experience it. Everything came together to make what would otherwise have been insignificant very meaningful. Her reasons for reacting the way she did are known only to her, and if she hadn’t told her lover he would never have known.

   If a tiny drop of perspiration can be this unforgettable, imagine the effect a few passing words or the most seemingly insignificant act can have. We'll never fully know the impact we've had on others but some people will go on to carry a part of us with them amongst their sweetest memories, looking back on some little thing we said or did with a contented sigh long after we've forgotten it. This is what breathes life into people, and allows us to shine from within no matter what darkness surrounds us.

   When the day comes to look back on my life, I know that what will have made the trip worthwhile was the people I knew and life’s small gifts, those incredible moments that spurred me out of bed with promise and wonderment of what each new day may bring.