Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Age Differences and Dating- What Are Your Thoughts?

Is there anything I enjoy talking about more than relationships? Probably not. Over the past few weeks the subject of age has popped up in a few conversations. Today a friend who's my age was telling me about grabbing a beer with a team-mate after a baseball game last night. There's no romantic interest there (trust me), but she said she was sitting with him when she realized that he was fifteen years younger than her. My reaction was, "So? You think of these things?" And she said yes, it does matter.

On the other hand, a few days ago I was talking with someone who was friends with a man thirty years older (she was in her early/mid twenties, he in his early/mid fifties and involved with someone, but she felt it could have lead somewhere if he wasn't).

I don't take issue with any of this. It's widely accepted that men who are going through a 'mid-life crisis' often take notice of much younger women, and I'm no exception. But regardless of whether you're male or female and attracted to someone of a significantly diferent age, I generally think it's fine. Romantically, love is love and you can't stop your heart from feeling what it will.  Practically I admit it can be something that makes you stop and think. Do you want to be a forty-five-year-old woman with a seventy-year-old husband? If so, great.  Of course, a thirty-year-old with a sixteen-year-old girlfriend would be downright creepy, so I admit there are always exceptions.

How do you feel about it, would you date/sleep with/ have a serious relationship with someone much younger or older than you? If so, what age gap do you consider acceptable?


  1. i agree with you, love is love. i've dated guys who are almost 13 years older to me to a guy that was a year younger than me. i'd prefer to find someone a little closer in age but i have always found a connection with guys that are older than me. now sometimes when i see couples where the guy looks old enough to be the girls dad, i have to admit it kinda creeps me out. i try to remember that if they have love, i have nothing to do but be happy for them.


  2. I figure that when you in the 40-ish range and someone you are interested wasn't born yet when you were 20, is a deal-breaker. On the other hand if you are above said age range and you are with someone 20 years your senior, creepy as well. It's fine to say, "It's love it shouldn't matter", but being with someone around your own age, is better in my opinion, because both of you are of similar life experience e.g. reminiscing about music, movies, bar hopping, school days etc.

  3. @Chels, "i try to remember that if they have love, i have nothing to do but be happy for them." That's how I feel, who are we to judge right? And I think what you said about finding a connection with older guys is very common. Generally speaking women mature faster than men and it stands to reason you'd relate to someone a few years ahead of you.

  4. @Tony, I've always related better to women younger than me. Maybe I would feel different if I were in a serious relationship with someone several years my junior, but I don't think so.

    I get where you're coming from about similar life experiences, it's easy to relate this way. The reason I like associating with younger people (I should probably say women here since we're talking about relationships)is because I'm able to learn about another generation. It puts me more in touch with what they're facing, gives me a better understanding of their life experiences. In turn I'm able to pass on what I've learned since I was "their age".

    I've also learned it's very possible to have a lot in common with someone much younger. I've recently made friends with a woman twenty years younger than me and we have a LOT in common (a shared passion for Psychology and interest in women's issues to name a few). Granted it's not a romantic relationship but we've found it very easy to make a connection and we only met two and a half weeks ago.

  5. Sometimes though, even a close difference (in my case 5 years)can be enough of a gap. If I say for example "Honey do you remember this commercial (or tv show)?" Then I get the blank stare and crickets in the background.....

  6. Dunno, it depends. On the assumption that it is a real relationship...then whatever. Virtual or on-line relationships are just plain weird. Subscribers to these types of things are hiding behind more than just being social inept.

  7. I want to agree that Love is love. That nothing matters except for those involved but I do think there should be a limit to how much of an age gap.

    It's essential that if there is a younger person involved in the relationship, that person must be of legal age.

    And I personally think, a decade is more than enough of a age gap.


    I find that often we can't help but develop feelings for someone. Feelings are uncontrollable things, they don't regard age at all. I prefer men my age or a few years older but sometimes I am drawn to someone younger than me.