Short Letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns


Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic


Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo it” I’m just saying......
Sincerely,
Google


Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle


Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God


Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder


Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States


Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere


Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman


Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol


Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells
you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Sincerely,
Jenny


Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some
Spanish douchebags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans


Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User


Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified


Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore


Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant


Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world
and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper