Monday, September 6, 2010

What Happens at Strip Club, Stays At Strip Club (well most of it anyway)

Ever have those weekends where you've been productive and feel really good about what you've accomplished?  That you feel you've made a significant contribution to something, that God would be really proud with what you've done?  I have too, and last weekend wasn't one of them.

Last weekend was my brother's stag.

For a night like this to occur, seventeen men first needed to respond as to whether or not they were attending. Then plans had to be made on transportation and venues. Organizing all this amongst a group of guys is a lot like trying to herd cats, it took forever. I'm not sure why it played out this way. Possibly due to late notice of the outing, more likely due to the other halves ix-naying any lewdness with scantily clad young ladies. As it turned out we arranged a group of six of us including my brother.

I should mention that not only did I go with Sandy's blessing, in addition to my own money she gave me an extra $50 "just in case I needed it". How many wives would do that?  Especially knowing what she knows about these places. (More on that later).

We had two pizzas and downed a few beers at my brother's before hopping in a cab. Our first stop was probably the most well-known strip club in Toronto. I'd never been there, can't say I was overly impressed with the layout although the girls were nice.

Now, some of you reading will be disgusted with the idea of strip clubs.  I get that, I really do. In many ways they're a sign of everything that's wrong with society; the notion of women as sex objects, infidelity, materialism, excess (booze, drugs and sex whether seen or not). But in some ways a strip club is a tremendous testimony to the power that women have over men. 

I've always believed that the notion of woman as the weaker sex died when the suffragette movement gained steam in the 1920's.  Successive generations have become more empowered to the point that today's woman is dominant socially, economically and sexually. This movement has tilted the role of men in relationships, in that where many women want a man they don't need him. More women than ever are supporting themselves, creating a shift in independence which has threatened many a man's ego. But I'm getting off-topic so back to the night.

We all settled in, had more than a few drinks and lap dances. One of the dancers was particularly memorable for me, not because she was more talented or attractive than the others (she was a good-looking girl), but because of the conversation we had.  When she was at my table she rolled my wedding ring between her fingers, looked me in the eyes and told me she liked married men.  I playfully asked her why, and she answered "Because they have something to lose".

  C'mon, you didn't expect her to recite a passage from the Bible did you?

 As she danced for me we talked about the reasons men come to these places, how they seek things they can't get at home (true in some cases). She spoke of how the money was too good to give up, and how she loved the power she exuded over men. Interesting having a conversation like this with a nude girl draped upon you.  Who says men can't multi-task? 

She told me she's had couples ask her to join them. She's had married women ask her to share their bed, wanting to keep it from their husbands. This didn't surprise me, everybody's curious about something.  I shared some secrets with her, it's rather liberating with someone you know you won't see again.  (I didn't reveal anything too earth-shattering though, because you just never know). Makes you wonder how many of these back-room confessions take place and what's said.

We came there for the girls.  But the give-and-take around us and just the psychology of it all held tremendous interest for me. Leave it to me I guess to turn a visit to a strip club into a social study. 

One of the guys had an apartment not too far away so we took a subway there and had a couple drinks before hopping into a cab to a second club several miles away. This place was packed, loud and rowdy. Awesome!  Kind of like Coyote Ugly with boobs. We were able to get my brother on stage, where the dancer had some fun with him. On a dare from one of the guys I went up a bit later. (I've already tarnished my reputation with some of you so I won't say what went on).  Incidentally this is the same club that Sandy took me to a few weeks prior, which ended up being one of the most memorable nights in recent memory.

Anyway we left the club, did a 3am McDonald's drive-thru run where we were served by a girl with attitude who very obviously didn't want to be there.  Hey, would you want to be working at McDonald's at 3am on a late Saturday night shift?  When we got back we were short fries and one of the burgers may have had a bite out of it, we weren't sure.  I crashed at my brother's place at 4:30am, woke up in a strange bed to a pillow beside me falling on my arm and for a minute thought I had woken up with someone.  Try explaining that little glitch to your spouse.  

Although it should have been a night to forget considering how much I had to drink I remember it all, made it through just fine and had a great time.

For those of you who don't think I'm a total dog I'll see you next post.  :)


  1. haha love it barry! Glad you had a fantastic time... Love your humor throughout the post and how the dance turned into a psychology meeting! BAHAHA!

    and dude, I feel bad for the girl at mc donalds haha, so funny if there was a bite missing!

  2. I arranged a stagette for a girlfriend to a male strip club. (25 years ago)I thought since she was marrying the only penis she had ever seen, it was appropriate for her to see a few more before the big day.

  3. Leave it to you to have a blog-worthy conversation with a stripper Barry. Haha! sounds like an interesting evening to say the least!

  4. As usual, you have managed to have an interesting experience . . .

  5. Aawww dude! the fact that your WIFE gave you an extra allowance to take to the strip joint is every man's sweet sweet dream. I love it.

    I've been to my share of these joints and always had a good time. Not that I frequent them but if a big group of friends wants to let lose and go I'm down for it. Plus, girls usually drink free at these classy establishments.

    Oh... I ended up at one of these on a first date a gazillion years ago. HA! Now there's a good story... but look at the time - I have to run.


  6. PS. Totally love the new blog set up...

  7. Love this post, Barry... You're the only one I know who has a knack of putting words and strip clubs together like poetry. Keep up the great work!


  8. You know what you need? An icon I can grab and bring home to momma. Make one up. You should be on my page permanently.

  9. LOL I didn't know strippers were such conversationalists.