Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I realized last year that in a way I'm a hippocrite. I'm not saying what I discovered makes me a bad person and I'm not beating myself up over it, but it's a shortcoming I think applies to a lot of us. I'll explain.
When I began blogging three years ago it wasn't to talk about my life, but a very strong need to reach out to people. At the time I was struggling with regaining a part of myself that I'd lost sight of after my car accident, and I felt the best way to do that was to connect with others who were trying to heal in their own way, from anything. I've since pulled out of what I was going through, still the people I'm drawn to most today are those who are looking for...something. Inner contentment. Answers to uncertainties in their relationship. A clearer path in life. A way to somehow close wounds that have been open for too long or sweep away regrets that have overstayed their welcome. The word 'broken' is tossed around a lot, I prefer to think of it as "in repair". It's these people I've met and the conversations we have that hold the most meaning for me.
I encourage others to share their problems, I'll go so far as to say it's something I need in my life. It's incredibly rewarding being told that I've helped in some way, it gives me a far greater sense of purpose and accomplishment having a chance to help people grow instead of corporations. I know this is something I want to pursue professionally, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to do it on a larger scale (as I wrote about here ) .
People apologize for opening up and being a 'burden', I always assure them they're not. (Believe me I get as much out of these talks as you do, possibly more). The reason I say I feel hippocritical is because I'm reluctant to unload my problems for the same reason, that I don't want to feel like I'm dumping on someone else. Even knowing that person as well as I do and knowing they'd be there for me in the same way.
People who are hurting can still be amazingly uplifting, I see evidence of this all the time through blogs and e-mail. Many who are obviously battling their own demons, questioning their self-worth and whether that darkness will ever lift are so ready to give words of encouragement and appreciation to someone else. Why can't we see the good in ourselves as easily as we can see it in those we care about, or see what others see in us?