Letting Go

"Would you rather live your life keeping an inventory of self-hate, or look back on your life and count all the ways you found your life to be beautiful?"
-Sheila Lewis

Ask almost anyone and I think you'll find that, if they're honest, they'll admit there are things of which they've had a hard time letting go. I'm one of them.

A short time ago I drove through a stretch of city street which used to be quite familiar. It was obvious I hadn't been there for some time as most of the buildings were new, filled with signs of businesses that weren't even in existence at the time I considered this place my neighbourhood. Even the building where my father worked when I was a child had long since changed hands. It hit me, as these things have far too often lately, that we can't go back.

Realistically I know we can't expect anything to stay the same for thirty years, let alone one or two. Progress and people move forward, leaving memories both wonderful and painful behind. The one common denominator that ties this all together is that we can't bring back the past nor can we change it. We can only remember it as we choose to, for better or for worse. The only thing that colours our memories of the past will be our attitude.

Those of you who know me or who have been reading me for any appreciable amount of time are probably aware that I'm very much a romanticist in the way I view things. And while it certainly allows me to look at life much more positively, it isn't always beneficial. Because through generous helpings of denial I tend to hold on to things I shouldn't, sometimes for a stupid amount of time. Not through grudges towards others (which are destructive all around), but through events that can't be changed. The 'what ifs' and 'should haves' are often sharing a room with me, or so it seems.

Regret has reared its head more times than I care to remember over the course of my life. However recently I've taken a far more philosophical approach: what if events that may at first seem disastrous and random are meant to happen? Perhaps through what first may seem mis-steps and mistakes we are in fact heading down a path that we're meant to follow. Again, what colours our perception of these occurences as they happen is our attitude.

So, I can look back with pain upon the events surrounding my car accident last year or be thankful for the strength I've gained since. I can spend my time missing people who have come and gone from my life, or appreciate those I've recently met and the moments of happiness that have been brought into my life. At the end of the day the amount of time spent is the same, it's up to me to use it in a way that's beneficial and not self-destructive.

Time moves on and can be cruel sometimes. People come and go, painful memories are hard to forget and joyous occasions can't be bottled and relived, as much as I'd like that to be possible. So I think it's up to us to honour every happy memory by making a new one. And that's easily attainable, because all we have is time. Instead of spending it let's invest it, so that when we inevitably look back on our life we can count all the ways we found it to be beautiful and smile for a life lived to its fullest.