Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Random Thoughts


Oh....em...gee... I've had the worst craving for chocolate today. Don't know where it came from but I gotta have it! I have a theory which I cling to very tightly, and it's that people who have a passion for chocolate also have a passion for life. I've rarely found myself to be proven wrong on this.

Perhaps my chocolate craving was transferrence from someone whom I just found out is pregnant. I've never felt the desire to have kids of my own; fortunately Sandy's on the same page. In fact if I could add up all the time I've given thought to how nice it MIGHT be to SOMEDAY have a rugrat of my own calling me daddy, I think it would tally somewhere around 10 minutes tops. No joke.

Yet, in recent years I've found that when I'm anywhere near a pregnant woman the fatherly instinct rears its head. I become incredibly protective, like I'm about to strike some really bad whitebread Ninja pose to ward off that which would harm mother and child. Afterwards, I go about my own business with no regrets about my decision to remain child-free. Strange.

A couple evenings ago I was waiting outside the local supermarket for Sandy. The name of the store isn't important but it rhymes with Sobey's. As I was people-watching I came up with some rather astute observations, mostly about women as (purely by chance) they're the people I noticed most. For anyone concerned, there was no contact and no flirting involved. Just had to put that out there. My observations:

First. There are way too many women in this town who are wearing the wrong bra. If you are wearing a bra and find yourself tucking the girls into your elasticized waistband, you're wearing the wrong size. Walk, don't run, to your nearest fitter. Because running would just look oh-so wrong and possibly cause severe bruising.

Second. Ladies, if you're out with your pretty blonde friend and the tag on her panties is sticking up over the edge of her low-rise jeans, let her know or tuck it in yo damn self. There are many things I find attractive, that ain't one of them. Yeah I'm talking to you. You can't tell me you didn't see it, you were walking right behind her skinny ass. Or perhaps you were so self-absorbed you didn't care.

Third. About 5% of the female population can wear spandex and pull the look off. The rest just end up looking like purple Shar Peis.

Fourth. (For the guys). Covering your face in tats doesn't make you look cool. If you were an asshole before, now you're just an asshole with ink on your face.

Ever notice sometimes when you have a roast beef dinner either the gravy or the beef stays hot, but rarely both at the same time? Why don't they just feed cows gravy? That way it'll all heat up at the same temperature. Simple.

Obama was at a high school today warning students about the dangers of Facebook. It's a refreshing change to see a US President who's keeping current with modern communications technology. I think the closest Bush came was trying to bang out Morse Code on an Etch-A-Sketch.

All for now. G'night.


  1. Loved the whole post but the end jab at Bush made me laugh so loud, I was afraid I'd awaken the little man upstairs!

  2. Thanks, it's nice to know people share my warped sense of humour!


  3. I love it! Now a little insight about the girl with the wardrobe malfunction and her buddy: If the undie tag girl was prettier than her friend, the friend most likely knew about the peek-a-boo undie tag and purposely didn't tell her. It's a woman thing..it's mean and cruel, I know, but that's just how girls are.

    And the Bush comment made me laugh my butt off..thank you for that!

  4. Thanks for the insight. Man, the little things guys don't know about women! :)

  5. I looooove me some chocolate! Ghirardelli is soooo yummy:) And you know what? I'm protective of pregnant women as well. I think everyone feels some form of that... unless you're in ghetto town Miami where you'll find a few preggers at the bar.

    I'm guilty of wearing the wrong bra - many years ago. I have to say Vic Secret has FABULOUS bras... you hear me ladies?!! Get some of that Body by Victoria stuff... I know it's pricey so wait for the semi-annual sale and go to town. They're TOTALLY worth it.

    I'm not a big spandex wearer. I never caught the bug... I rather wear some killer jeans.

    OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA - that's is all. :)