Saturday, September 5, 2009


"If every word I said could make you laugh I'd talk forever."
-John Stamos

A conversation between my good friend Tony (hey man!) and my new blogging friend Cindy (South Beach represent!) prompted me to write this bit of drivel. It's a welcome break from some of my previous posts, as I'm not used to putting my innermost thoughts to paper (as it were). And although I'm left feeling actually quite good about the whole thing, my tiny man-brain hurts more than just a little.

So, to prove I can write an article that's less than a thousand words long, here are some things I've come up with that should be, but aren't. I think it would be way-cool if these words were to make their way into everyday conversation, as long as they didn't become 'almost' words like "buck" or "hinky". Y'know, words that people have tried to make mainstream that haven't quite made it up that river yet. So without further ado I bring you...

"Feng shuitional" (pronounced 'feng-shway-shunal') adj.
Really kick-ass Chinese aesthetic design. Makes your chi vibrate, which is a rather unusual feeling. But safer than going downtown for the same experience.

"Poly-nesia" noun.
In this case, what a person experiences when they can't remember what kind of material their shirt is made of.

"Threeplay" noun.
Precedes foreplay. Refers to the three minutes of convincing a man has to endure when his partner isn't in the mood for anything that comes before having sex. Synonyms: grovelling; pussy-whipped; pathetic; begging; still not in the mood; sleeping alone; taking matters into your own hand

These definitions are the intellectual property of moi. Any attempt to pass them off as your own brilliant creations will result in a light spanking. Unless you're into that, in which case I'll come up with something else tomorrow. 'Cause I'm too tired right now and could only muster up a substandard flogging at best.


  1. I really like the word "axed". As in, "I axed him not to call me no mo' " This is usually a regional word and pronounciation assciated with the southern United States, and more particullarly, trailer parks. Or guests on the Jerry Springer show...

  2. And obviously I can't speellll riite....

  3. Yeah, "axed" always cracked me up. No worries about the grammar, although I should point out for the sake of historical interest that the word 'particularly' used to have seven l's.

    The Romans shortened it out of laziness.

  4. You really need to be watching "How I Met Your Mother" if you aren't already since creating words is something that Barney Stinson (portrayed brilliantly by Neil Patrick Harris) likes to do.

  5. Hmm, never watched that but I heard it's pretty good.